Hi Twinsmom,

Welcome to the group. No, you're definitely not the only one who feels that way, and the more you learn about codependency the more capable I'm sure you will feel towards making a recovery from it. You absolutely should not resign yourself to being unhappy, and you should realize that change really is possible.

You will find there are lots of resources out there for people with this problem: there is Codependents Anonymous, where you can attend local meetings, and there are many good books that have been written on the topic. Lastly, there's always this group on Dailystrength. It's pretty active here, and you will always find someone willing to listen to what you have to say and to share their advice. You aren't alone in this.

Most of us have felt that way at one time; that's why we're here. Just know that no one is meant to be unhappy. Our lives are ours to do with what we like. Truly believing that is a huge first step to recovery. We are in control of our lives. It is up to us to find our way out of the code hole to become healthy people capable of maintaining healthy relationships with the people in our lives. Welcome to the group!

Jleon11 and cheryt, both thank you so much for the positive feedback. I was very much needed.

Hi I have just realised that I was involved in a codependent relationship with my husband who benefitted by exploring his sexual addictions and narcissism while I suffered enormously by taking his abusive behaviour in the name of retaining our marriage. It took me a very long time nearly 3 years to find out what the problem was. I am unable to break that abusive cycle and my life is a nightmare. I have confidence in my life and my achievements but I am worried that I cannot break free from my dependence (I feel very, very lonely) and this is such a scary realisation of not being able to take control of my life. How do you overcome this? How do you recover?

Hi rpet
Lots of us have been where you are. it takes time. Read about codependency, this is a good site to find out more, maybe try a 12 step coda group. write a daily journal, do you have a number of friends you trust, they can be a great support for you.
hugs
rick

I got into counseling - that's where I was diagnosed with code. Very enlightening. I too felt trapped in my marriage. But then, after much counseling, I came to know that I was only trapped by my own mind. If I wanted out, I could get out. It was up to me to make the changes. No one would do it for me. It wasn't easy, but my life is so much more serene now. You change by taking it 1 step at a time.

Awww......No, I've felt that way many times. Many hours in the middle of the night. All of the things you mentioned are things I've heard and experienced myself, in Co-Dependency. Sometimes even today. Believe me, you are far from being alone. Try going to either an Ala-Non or a CODA meeting. My therapist told me this, social worker friends advised me to go, I wouldn't go. I resisted. I needed to hit my "Bottom." I'm so glad I did. It HURT. Realizing that practically every emotional choice I had made was out of wrong learning or perpetuated by Adults/Husbands/Or others. I made decisions, I doubted my own decisions . The people around me made me feel like I was the one who was wrong. I capitulated time and time again. Apologizing to them, for their own bad behavior. Actually, I was apologizing for my loss of Self Control. (I didn't know that at the time.) Smile.....Don't be afraid......Life gets much better.

Try reading some literature, listening is important. Don't do as I say, do as "You learn." For your SELF. This is a very long and prosperous road. The work is hard and emotionally difficult. Through work with a therapist, reading, going to meetings. (which I resisted but helped me more that anything else.) I call them Breakthroughs. Others might call them "Light bulb Moments." I now know that I need to give my SELF a break. "Easy Does It," applies to me. I can't heal my SELF in one day, it's a journey. While it may have seemed overwhelming someday's. Over time, I realized I had learned to make better choices. They don't look like I thought they would.

Recovery is about Autonomy. Giving each individual the right to chose their own path. It may not work, the first time. I may stumble. It's my path. I guess it is like learning to use a computer, or even my new (cursing::::: ******) SMART Phone. If someone tells me how to do it. It would be their way. I might remember it and that would be OK, or I probably will forget what they showed me, after I didn't need it anymore. If I learn it by mistakes and hard knocks, it is my experience. I own it. I created my own learning. I will never forget it then. That's how it works. The only stickler in the matter is this thing called surrender. I have to remember that word more than anything else. You see you get a FREE SILENT PARTNER. Some call it a Higher Power, Some call it GOD. You can chose to call it anything you want, including A Source Greater Then Our SELF. It's fine, don't let that be the hang up. That's just an OUT that will just prolong your healing.
When I SURRENDER what ever it is that makes me feel like my life is not working. I give it over.....
I won't let it gnaw at my soul or spirit any longer. I know that it's been surrendered, I can't handle it. Just in admitting that, I will find enough PEACE, to move or change or transform my thinking. I can focus on my life and the things that I can fix or work with to find the calm and peace that I wasn't able to find or achieve in many years. Although, I thought I knew it all, I really never had the tools. I didn't really have a clue. So you see, I found this wheel, I got on it and I spun and spun and spun. I still spin a bit here and there, but I know today, that I have the ability to "GET OFF IT." anytime I want to by Surrendering it over and being grateful to those who showed me the way. Go to meetings, Listen and Share. Others there will be a great help in guiding you to the road of your choice. If any of them tell you things you disagree with, just let it be. Think about it for a while, and see how you feel when those very words make you realize you can CHANGE your thinking and perspectives. It's OK. Life Gets Better.....If You let it. . . . .

Today people like you, remind me that I'm GRATEFUL! Thank You! God Bless You!