thank you sunnybunn! i completely agree and yea i knew my therapist was trying to guilt me so i played on it to make it look like i was agreeing with her. told her i don't need u or anybody else to guilt me into something that is just putting icing on the cake pretending the issues don't exist!

yea, forgiveness has been misrepresented so many times it isn't funny and what u said about your family, that certainly isn't doing the best u can. my therapist is a mom u'd think she'd be outrage but is just a quiet mouse. someone said forgiveness is on your time not anybody else's and i agree. told my therapist some people may never forgive and i do believe that i will never forgive there's no excuse why a parent or family member would do this to their own children. nobody doesn't have a real definitive answer behind the lines not even science can pinpoint all the down to the smallest atom!

also, i told my therapist i met a guy who never forgave his parents for the physical/emotional abuse. i asked him how did u forgive them? he said he never did. i was angry, yes, had an anger problem. he did a lot of self help and someone who helped me. this guy was really amazing because he figured it out his own problems without the help of mental health not many people can do that.

he called his parents worse names than what i said but he said they are true about them. i wouldn't say it if it wasn't true and i said agreed. he moved away from them and basically they just don't exist, they disowned him and he said oh well life moves on. kinda reminded me of my sister. he told me he just doesn't talk about his parents at all he said he doesn't need to be reminded about it, he is a grown man, and don't need to keep up with mommy and daddy which made other people get mad at him for that!

he told me i am not a baby anymore, they don't need to bother me and i don't need to bother them what's fair is fair. i believe he had a right to not wanna speak about them who wants to relive more pain? so, my therapist said well, he didn't move on. i told her he told me how he moved on was he accepted what happen, made his life better, etc.

she said he needs to forgive in order to heal and move on. i forgot the work he did for his job he loved it enough that his parents didnt exist. she got into the whole he can't deny his DNA, i said omg, he wasn't denying his DNA! i said i thought his story was very profound and how he got to where he was without their help.

i was like this guy should get an applause and credit, nah, his parents got credit and she said not a story u wanna take after, wtf?!? i told her i would be able to move on if i had my own place and that people would stop asking me about my parents. reason being because it brings out more and more anger/hurt that it makes me confrontational about it.

i told her who wants to be told that ur a liar, ungrateful/unappreciative child, they are your parents, etc who wants to hear that 24/7 forever? i said this is what makes me so confrontational with people when they throw that shit in my face that it makes it very hard for me to let it roll off my back. this is why she is having me to do breathing exercises to handle my fight or flight mode.

i said to her u will never convince me about giving me parents the benefit of the doubt, that doesn't exist for them and they don't deserve shit since they didnt care about us. why are you protecting them is beyond me yet she claims she isn't protecting them i said as a parent like urself, u should be outraged by parents like mine.i told her the guy wasn't an angry person, ur misinterpreting what he is saying. i dont think he held grudgees, but he said his parents are old history.

so yea, that's why i am a very angry person because of mistreatment from other people because i didnt fit into the whole "white picket fence, leave it to beaver, mamby pandy land attitude." i told her narcs/sociopaths dont give a damn about anybody, how can someone "do the best they can" and they have no moral compass, no soul, no values, and definitely no conscious? again, she sat there quiet as a mouse and dumbfounded. i always wonder since i know more than her and have the experience, i wondering if that is "threatening" her education she got from college?

i told therapist this is the reason why i can't let go, these triggers, i have tendencies to over speak about my issues, something comes up i have to say my parents didn't do this, etc it has been "natural" for me to do that all of my life that was all i knew, all i knew to say (couldnt say anything nice about them like other people can about their families), etc like i didn't have much of a conversation just constant complaining a trait i inherited from my parents!

like someone told me, until u can officially leave home, the anger/hurt will go away and the real healing process will come. one more thing before i go to bed, a lot of my dreams i've had, they've showed me how happy i was away from my parents and showing me how they didn't exist in my life at all just me and my bf. it showed i had this one job in a business suit never told me what it was but i was very successful....

Well, ladytiger, there is little to disagree with in your responses. I was raised in such horror that several therapists asked me to move on to someone with more experience. They simply could not deal with even hearing that some things could happen to a child barely starting life and still survive. My stories challenged their belief that certain abuses were simply too much and those children lost their minds ending up institutionalized on powerful meds or went to Heaven. Finding someone anyone really who had survived and made it to be a fairly decent adult who is well adjusted and functioning in such a way that no one would even guess at those childhood abuses was so far beyond their ability to comprehend that they simply gave up.

The phrase they did the best they could is the exact same giving up. It is just trying to make it all YOUR fault not theirs. Mine was in the middle of explaining that they did the best they could when I first told a story and brought about total silence in the room. It was just so obvious that NO ONE did ANY best they could AT ALL that she simply handed my check back and walked out. Then left a message on my machine to see someone else and I never saw her again.

Yes, some people use bad events that happen to them to improve themselves. A coach that I have now is constantly surprised by the compassion that she sees in those who suffered the worst abuses. It seems that humans either choose to feel the feelings and work to never be party to creating those feelings in another. Others choose to pretend this gives them the right to walk around doing nothing but judging others.

Frankly, I find the judgers the saddest people in this world. They are driven by what others do, say, think, and feel. With the constant trying to get others to see something wrong inside, they totally miss their own projections. Thats why the therapist was not seeing the parenting thing you talked about. She wants to see this problem as OTHER oriented rather than something she needs to realize and understand herself.

I believe that most people are essentially very lazy. They see others being someway because that makes it easier to treat you rather than walk next to you and see your life so they can journey thru to a place of health with you rather than at you.
(The limit of this medium is obvious as I try to explain because emphasis can not be demonstrated with this single font and only all caps to add emphasis. But there are some who choose to claim that all caps can ONLY MEAN yelling and that creates something other than emphasis.)
BUT, it certainly seems to me that you are a thinking hard working person just trying to find a place of health who can read and will process this, discarding what seems useless and hang onto the rest, into your psyche assimilating it in such a way that it will adjust to your life to help you grow into the health that you genuinely seek.

That inner child has an innate knowledge of right and wrong, justice and evil, healthy individuals and those chasing their tails (so to speak). Trust it because it is leading you to the place where you want to end.

Never forgiving is one way to live. Always forgiving is another. There are billions of individuals in this world. Each lives their own journey. No one should really be telling others HOW to LIVE but rather helping others learn to walk their own walk.

Read the book, If you meet the Budda along the way, kill him. I may not remember that exactly right. Sorry, www is down here right now. Basically, each person walks their own walk. Anyone going around constantly tell you HOW to be or WHAT to do and which thing is right (like you have to be true to your DNA such total B.S.!!! If I had, well. I cant say but that is just demanding that we do what parents choose without regard for our talents, knowledge of right and wrong, and choices) is doing that for themselves NOT you.

I get the angry person as well. I was angry for a long time. For me, it was anger pouring out about what happened to the child inside. Eventually, it worked itself out. I cant say what you will do because your walk is different from mine. But anger is neither wrong or right. It simply is! It is a feeling. It motivates us to DO SOMETHING. Our talents, abilities and skills create the possibility to use that anger (and all the other emotions) to do what we are meant to do to make this world a better place. When we make it better for us, that better spreads out into the world to make it better for others.

oh wow, they asked u to move on with another therapist with more experience? at least they were honest, not my therapist, she is close in age with me yet disagrees. i told her u need more experience i beat you at that!

"My stories challenged their belief that certain abuses were simply too much and those children lost their minds ending up institutionalized on powerful meds or went to Heaven."

agreed as my story challenged people and my therapist's beliefs yet they are always stump at what i say and how much i know. i am realizing now, that i hate the way i grew up, but one thing it did teach me that everything in life isn't a beautiful monet picture that there is ugly in a lot of things. growing up, i saw a lot of falseness about things, people, life, etc things u shouldn't say to a child that traumatizes them. i told my therapist what kid (when i was little) knows that much about life?

she looked at me and said to her i knew a lot at such a young age u wouldn't believe yet i don't get any credit for it by anybody only a small number of people. a person should be proud and ecstatic if a child could notice such abusive mistreatment like that at a young age and talks like an adult. growing up, i didn't sound like a normal kid i sounded like a 25 year old lmao - true story had old friends who'd say that to me a lot.

she said it is rare to hear a young kid talk like that, think like an adult, etc i told her yep, those talk shows really helped me since the tv was my mom and dad that's how i learned about life since my parents painted such a fake picture about it.

my bf's mom told us how she was molested at 10 by her stepdad and was in an institute where she got shock treatment for a year and was strapped down like an animal so she has issues with putting her seatbelt on.

also, how do u move on when u still live in the abusive environment? i keep asking that question to people they never have an answer. the women's center told me u don't move on nobody moves on in an abusive, hostile environment i said thank u but my therapist believes u can forgive and move on in such an environment.

"The phrase they did the best they could is the exact same giving up. It is just trying to make it all YOUR fault not theirs."

i agree my therapist jumped down my throat on it. i don't think she knows as much as she claims just cuz she has a degree in her field i told her life experience will outweigh the degrees always! do u watch the steve wilkos show? i saw he told off a mother who did absolutely nothing for her kids yet wanted respect she sounded like my mom all the way saying i did the best i could. steve said u let ur daughter get raped, blamed her, u were drunk, etc and u expect her to let things be bygones?

the mom said yea i do it isn't my fault she got raped, she shouldn't have been in the room that day. people's mouths dropped hearing that she said her daughter was responsible for her own rape that is something my mom said to me how my ass should be and i wouldnt be raped in public i told her these rapists can break into ur house dumbass and she screamed at me.

i gave that example to my therapist i said how did my parents do their best? all she could use is they provided a roof, food, and clothes. i told her do u know how many times i had to go to school with shoes so worn out? how many times have we sat in the house with barely any food, had water to drink, and no electricity? did my mom step up to the plate to get a job and make sure we were clean etc? how many times did i go to school with smelly clothes that i had to febreeze them to death all cuz she refused to get money somehow for us to do the laundry? she had to wait until my dad came back from cali so she can get her money.

i mean the woman (therapist) looked so damn stupid when i got through to her.

" It seems that humans either choose to feel the feelings and work to never be party to creating those feelings in another. Others choose to pretend this gives them the right to walk around doing nothing but judging others."

agreed i see that everyday and told my therapist that. she said people don't understand i said lots of people don't care that's sad. i said in order to understand true pain, we must jump into that person's world and feel their feelings asking yourself how do u think u would handle that situation if that was ur life? once u do all of that, then u can truly understand another person that's what experience real pain is all about.

omg, my bf and therapist shut up lol there was such a long ass silence in her office lmao!

"Frankly, I find the judgers the saddest people in this world. They are driven by what others do, say, think, and feel. With the constant trying to get others to see something wrong inside, they totally miss their own projections. Thats why the therapist was not seeing the parenting thing you talked about. She wants to see this problem as OTHER oriented rather than something she needs to realize and understand herself."

oh i agree. i shook my head at therapist i told her the prob with u therapists, u don't see the behaviors everyday which they don't they just hear it from their clients. i said dont expect my parents to be here they would give u one hell of a story i have seen them do it to people time after time it becomes so believable that it is scary it always make me and my siblings look bad.

"I believe that most people are essentially very lazy. They see others being someway because that makes it easier to treat you rather than walk next to you and see your life so they can journey thru to a place of health with you rather than at you. "

agreed

"That inner child has an innate knowledge of right and wrong, justice and evil, healthy individuals and those chasing their tails (so to speak). Trust it because it is leading you to the place where you want to end."

true. i told my therapist my inner child still screams for a set of parents, a set i will never have in my life. i told her back in high school, for four years, i was in chatrooms looking for an escape route even if it meant meeting guys offline to do it. i was also on there seeking for parents too many weirdos online i dont do that anymore.

i told my therapist in life, we as people better walk their own truths otherwise u can't be the light that shines. i have walked in my truth, said what i had to say yet still being punished for it. i said i have said everything about my parents and how we suffered, how much more truthful do u want me to get? i did withheld some info only because i am still embarrassed by this life.

i asked her what more do u want me to say? this chapter can't close until i am away from them hence is why i am back to looking at organizations that will try to help me. i told her i feel like i am being punished for the kind of parents i have. i have been very honest about my life i am almost 30 and i am tired of talking about it to people. u can't expect a person to heal if u keep bringing up their lives that just gonna keep adding more trauma.

"Never forgiving is one way to live. Always forgiving is another. There are billions of individuals in this world. Each lives their own journey. No one should really be telling others HOW to LIVE but rather helping others learn to walk their own walk."

true. i have read Scriptures' version on forgiving. it said to forgive your brother/neighbor but doesn't say how to it and when it should be done. i have read it a few times over and this is where my bf, therapist, and i differ on forgiveness. i said i cant forgive them for the kind of life they put us through i can forgive a friend if she broke a cup of mine and replaced it.

bf and therapist said not forgiving is gonna eat u up. right now, my bf is in a stage of whether or not if he should forgive his father about the way how he was treated and how he threw him out of the house last october since his dad was getting married again. i told my bf ur hut from ur father is nothing compared to my hurt from my parents. mine is such an immense betrayal type of hurt that it has been with me since i was little this is where u and me differ.

my therapist said it keeps making me angry and said i am very bitter. i've acknowledged long ago that i am very angry and bitter that is nothing new to me. however, it still tugs on my heart because again i am still living there as there hasn't been any peace or healing at all. any time something upsets me, i get angry a lot and end up talking about my parents, the past and now for hours and hours and hours. when will that stop? she said this is why i dont have a change of perception and said it will stop once i get over it i said that wont be any time soon while i am still living here.

my brother doesn't even talk about the past neither does my sister. i asked bf and therapist how come it doesnt bother them? they said because they dealt with it long ago she said if i didnt care i wouldnt let it bother me i said it bothers me because i didnt and still dont have a happy life the life they ruined and refuse to take responsibility for fucking up our lives which we are still suffering for it.

it's old history for my siblings and it should be for me, but therapist said nope u still live there it can't be old history.

"Read the book, If you meet the Budda along the way, kill him. I may not remember that exactly right. Sorry, www is down here right now. Basically, each person walks their own walk. Anyone going around constantly tell you HOW to be or WHAT to do and which thing is right (like you have to be true to your DNA such total B.S.!!! If I had, well. I cant say but that is just demanding that we do what parents choose without regard for our talents, knowledge of right and wrong, and choices) is doing that for themselves NOT you."

agreed. i believe i can function without forgiving them as long as people dont ask me anything about them. again, i am almost 30 why do ppl who wanna get to know me need to know about my parents? i am not 14 anymore.

"I get the angry person as well. I was angry for a long time. For me, it was anger pouring out about what happened to the child inside. Eventually, it worked itself out. I cant say what you will do because your walk is different from mine. But anger is neither wrong or right. It simply is! It is a feeling. It motivates us to DO SOMETHING. Our talents, abilities and skills create the possibility to use that anger (and all the other emotions) to do what we are meant to do to make this world a better place. When we make it better for us, that better spreads out into the world to make it better for others."

agreed. my anger has torn my heart apart which explains why i am never happy and miserable. i have a bad anger issue i take it out on others which i am still working on that. i am easily triggered which is why i blow up in outburst. i told my therapist i walk my path like i said above about walking in our truth and standing behind it. i said u will not tell me otherwise she looked stupid. i will agree with xyz u had to say because it is simply not true and she looked stupid after i said that.

i said i am not liking that u think i should agree with it just cuz u didn't go through that in ur life it shouldn't mean i have to agree with u. ohh she didn't like that too much lol. i should have told her back then u can't make me forgive anyone that is something i must do for myself on my own time not yours, bf, or anybody else! she said i wallow in my bitterness, yes i do i wonder why! i believe if i had help long ago, i dont think i would wallow in it a lot. i have not "grown" in years because of these negative beliefs and still being treated like some slave at home....

WAIT! The more experienced therapist had a policy that everything shared in private had to be shared in group also or you were outta there. FORGET for a moment how stupid it is to demand that I share everything with a group of people who have no reason to NOT go out and use it as gossip
I told that one just the general NATURE of those stories and I was recommended to a different person yet again..
So. That is why I think therapist have the worst problems and went into the practice in order to fix themselves rather than help others. It may sound like that is what they want to do. But deep down they are trying to fix themselves. That is why they are so adamant about stupid things.

By the way, I thought about be true to your DNA while walking the dog today. I have a few responses to that one:
Oh, so you mean I should go out and get drunk every night, ignore my responsibilities, and use my children as slaves?????
OK, so I can have children just to use them to make me happy creating serious codependency in them and messing up the world with a couple more just like my parents?
That means I should take, take, take and take some more from family and never give back!
I will have to beat my children in order to be true to that DNA thing. I guess you are OK with that!

Sorry, just could not resist.

I know she meant to stick with them and treat them better than they treated you. But heck, why do we always have to be the responsible ones. It could also mean that I follow their example.


In the above, one sentence was deleted and I missed it.
Where I wrote this Never forgiving is one way to live. Always forgiving is another. There are billions of individuals in this world. Each lives their own journey. The following sentence is missing.
Most people forgive some things and dont forgive some things. That is balance.

Why is a therapist keeping score? Life is NOT about keeping score! It is about living.

I dont know about living the situation and growing inside it. But if that is where you are stuck, then use what is at hand. The brain is immensely powerful to change our reactions. Sometimes that changes the situation. Sometimes it just changes our reactions.
Notice when something sets you off. Just notice! No judging at all.
Of course, you will judge. So dont judge your judgments.
By simply noticing, you give your brain the power to work out HOW you arrived at this place.
Each time you simply let your brain process these things, it will back up just a little bit to take over and give you control before.
Eventually, you will notice that you are choosing to get angry, lash out, and even walking away before the bad happens all at your choice.

It takes time. It is harder than sitting down analyzing to death because we naturally want control over our brains. This is like exercising the brain.
The best example I can give is driving. If you think about how to react if a car was to come at you every time you drive. Then one day a car comes, your body will be directed by your brain automatically as if it happened already many times before. Your brain directs your muscles without having to have done it before. It really does work.

There are some of us who walk on this earth just to cause others to THINK. We survived what seems impossible to them. That changes their thinking patterns. That is all we are meant to do right now.

I did not mean that you must be angry or not. It sounds like your anger is justified. There is nothing wrong with that. Even Jesus got angry. People dont want to admit it. Like they want to claim he was never a naughty child right never went thru terrible twos or ferocious fours. Then he wasnt really human after all. Try that one out on a good Christian sometime and watch the light dawn or the stupidity increase. (Oh, I am evil making people actually THINK!)

sunnybunn,

"So. That is why I think therapist have the worst problems and went into the practice in order to fix themselves rather than help others. It may sound like that is what they want to do. But deep down they are trying to fix themselves. That is why they are so adamant about stupid things. "

i agree. my bf said the same thing i asked but aren't there good ones who are truly dedicated to help? they seem to be a few and far in between! someone on here in another group told me maybe my therapist doesn't see my point is because she dont agree with me and the fact that maybe she had a perfect life that's how life should be. i told this user she has no right to jump down my throat and put her viewpoints on me.

i have a question 4 u. my therapist said i need to have a change of perception. i said oh boy, give it to me so i can deflect it! she said my "perception" is keeping me bitter and i said really? maybe cuz i am still living there! i told her change what perception? what is there to change? that's how my parents are, been that way, and won't change.

i told her it may not happen to have a change of perception. she said u have a change of behavior, but not the perception. she thinks u can have a change of perception while living in a dysfunctional life, wtf?!? she got huffy about it cuz i didn't agree. i told her how do u expect me to let go so easily? i asked her why are you protecting knowing u heard everything my parents never did for us? oh she got mad!

what did u tell therapists when they told u u need to have a change of perception otherwise ur not going anywhere with ur hatred? my therapist expects me to make peace with them, there is no peace never will be. there's no peace between them and my sister.

another question is about perception that therapist said let's use the driving example. when there's a car accident, there are many different perceptions from the witnesses. so, your life is like a movie where people think of it with many different perceptions. i looked at her and said this is about real lives not some harry potter movie!

i told her i had "many different perceptions (lets use her words)" about my life story. i had more bad "perceptions" than someone having pure sympathy towards me. i told therapist if people don't like my answers about my life, then they shouldn't ask me anything at all since it isn't fitting their thinking anyway.

"By the way, I thought about be true to your DNA while walking the dog today. I have a few responses to that one:
Oh, so you mean I should go out and get drunk every night, ignore my responsibilities, and use my children as slaves?????
OK, so I can have children just to use them to make me happy creating serious codependency in them and messing up the world with a couple more just like my parents?
That means I should take, take, take and take some more from family and never give back!
I will have to beat my children in order to be true to that DNA thing. I guess you are OK with that!

Sorry, just could not resist.

I know she meant to stick with them and treat them better than they treated you. But heck, why do we always have to be the responsible ones. It could also mean that I follow their example. "

i agree. my therapist couldn't handle the shit being thrown at her i wanted to say oh are the questions getting harder? every time they get tough, pure silence in her office and asked oh did i ask a trick question/statement? she just looks at me i told her i can easily deflect the questions or answers to me been doing it all my life had to defend myself all my life on my parents i think i know what i am doing.

then i told her, when u ask me something, will i always a good explanation? not always, but at least i am honest. which do u want trying to dig out a good explanation that i can't provide or being honest about why i answered it xyz? she looked at me. im like omg, most times, u gotta tell people how to do their jobs! i slice and dice questions just like a lawyer would if they were questioning witnesses. i said is that a problem for u? this is how i find out who knows what and who don't know jack shit!

"Where I wrote this Never forgiving is one way to live. Always forgiving is another. There are billions of individuals in this world. Each lives their own journey. The following sentence is missing.
Most people forgive some things and dont forgive some things. That is balance.

Why is a therapist keeping score? Life is NOT about keeping score! It is about living."

i agree. she had this attitude if i didn't have a change of perception she didnt wanna help me what was the point, wtf?!? i told her a lot it is not up to u, it's my story not yours!

in the other post when u said "Thats why the therapist was not seeing the parenting thing you talked about. She wants to see this problem as OTHER oriented rather than something she needs to realize and understand herself."

they need to look at that as to why these abused kids turn out the way that they are. i'm like does this woman think she will be offended by it cuz she is a parent herself? these mental health professionals dont seem to get it, it isn't about their lives it is about the client's life - they come first. if some of these professionals are using ur story to fix their problems, they should have fixed them a long time ago or get a new job!

sad how the clients know more than them because the clients see the behavior everyday as they are hearing it from your mouth. i told my therapist that she is gullible, funny how abusers still pull the strings far far away and manage to win people like u over no problem and she was mad lol!

change of perception
Sounds like bull crud to me!!!
Essentially, she is saying that your perception of the world is wrong! You are unable to perceive truth and reality. So she needs to help you understand that the basic functions of your brain are so badly messed up that you cant even perceive reality properly. She knows how to perceive the world better than you. So you will have to change your perspective until it meshes with hers. She is clearly much better than you.
What total bull crud! How the heck else can you perceive your world than the way that YOU perceive YOUR world???
She is telling you to repress the memories and live in total denial. When you are ready to make nice, then your perceptions of the reality of your world will be OK FOR HER, NOT for YOU!

I am dyslexic. I am also a mathematician. Arithmetic is a nightmare. Mathematics is fun. Is MY perception wrong? NO WAY. My perception of arithmetic and mathematics is based on my abilities, skills, and disabilities.

I have Non Tropical Celiac Sprue. I cant eat even microscopic bits of gluten without getting sick. This disease can kill me and very nearly already did. I live in constant pain because of this disease.

Nearly every restaurant has gluten friendly menu items. However; look at the fine print and it says, We are not responsible for cross contamination that occurs in a busy kitchen during normal operations. Essentially, we claim to have something for Celiacs but in reality we could not care any less about their needs or health. It is a crap shoot if we will actually make a Celiac seriously ill at their costs or feed foods that are safe making their evening a pleasant experience.

Since this diagnosis, my perception of going out to eat is risking ending up dead from slow starvation! My perception of vacation is a never ending parade of idiots carrying my food without care, ending up sick and going home to recover health.

Restaurants tend to have three to four items that are gluten free. A beef, chicken, and fish, salad covered, and fruit. I cant eat fish. Fruit is filling but not nutritious. Salad is just wet stuff without dressing (most are NOT GF). Vacations mean a long period of choosing the same meat and chicken meals three times each day until I am so sick of them I simply cant swallow another mouthful.

Is my perception wrong? Would changing my perception change the facts? If I change my perception, does that stop the fact that any idiot server can make me really sick ruining the rest of the vacation?
No, No, and you guessed it - NO!
My perception is accurate to my needs, life, past, and future. It is based on ME and what has happened to me over a lifetime. There is no way for me to perceive wrongly. Anyone who tells me to change it is asking me to stop being as I was created.



she had this attitude if i didn't have a change of perception she didnt wanna help me what was the point, wtf?!? i told her a lot it is not up to u, it's my story not yours!

Good for you!!! It is also your life NOT hers to live. Sounds like she has ONE WAY fervor, You know the kind who constanly claim there is ONE WAY to heal, ONE WAY to function, ONE WAY this and ONE WAY that. That is nothing but total B.S. There are a billion people in the world. Read the bible and see how many different people are described. They all lived their own lives, their own way and got along just fine. Offer to help her out if she cant read the big words in that particular book.

Clients are sadly the more healthy ones in the relationship. They recognize that they are in need of help. If you cant leave the therapists (which would be my first choice but I realize that is not always an option), Id calmly ask her to explain how that would work.
Find one example of perceiving something . say the weather. Seems like everyone should have the same perceptions of weather, rain makes us sad and wet, sun makes us happy and dry.
However; it is not that simple:
>>Form most human beings; these are days for taking morning coffee out on the veranda, walking thru the woods enjoying the leaves changing color, and looking forward to winter activities
>> for a person with arthritis; the cooling days of fall are torment, morning pain is increased, each day brings more challenges as more clothing must be worn to stay warm, each day is moving toward more and more pain and less and less activity outside of the home

JUST PERCEPTION.. Is one of them wrong? Is one more right than the other?
The same things can be perceived differently by people.

When they told me this nonsense, I asked them to explain how to calculate an equation to infinity and what that means. Of course, most non-mathematicians look at you funny when asked for that. But I know exactly how to do it. It usually stumps them and they quickly change the subject.

Clients know more because they have experienced real pain and suffering. Therapists have no idea what real pain is and they listen with only half an ear because it is too terrible to hear all day long without losing their minds. They have built walls to protect themselves which work to prevent those with the worst hurts ever receiving real help.

I left and read books, went to bible study (of all things) and talked about abusive stories in the bible, and learned to trust myself, my inner child, and I journal everyday to dump the anger, pain, whatever is needed for the day.

Abusers are adept at pulling the wool over everyones eyes. They are clever and have sympathetic personalities which draw people in to the lies (their entire life is one great big long lie!) They appear to live charmed lives but they are really very sad. They are controlled by others so much that they spend their entire lives living only REACTING to what others do, say, and think. They never really have any freedom. That does not mean we owe them our sympathy. They are choosing to continue with abuse. They have the same freedom to change for the better as we yet, they choose to be reactive instead of proactive.

She was angry because you nailed her perfectly! People cant stand being found out.

"change of perception
Sounds like bull crud to me!!!
Essentially, she is saying that your perception of the world is wrong! You are unable to perceive truth and reality. So she needs to help you understand that the basic functions of your brain are so badly messed up that you cant even perceive reality properly. She knows how to perceive the world better than you. So you will have to change your perspective until it meshes with hers. She is clearly much better than you.
What total bull crud! How the heck else can you perceive your world than the way that YOU perceive YOUR world???
She is telling you to repress the memories and live in total denial. When you are ready to make nice, then your perceptions of the reality of your world will be OK FOR HER, NOT for YOU! "

agreed. she told me u will never be able to move on without a better change of perception. i said to her fact my parents married each other for the very wrong reasons. fact my parents didnt care about us actions speak louder than words. fact both sides of the family are sorry, no good, SOBs.

fact my mom did absolutely nothing in her entire life, hates everybody, refused to better herself, etc. fact my dad worked but terrorized his coworkers, stole shit from the navy reserves in the 60s, both of them are hoarders, has a whore mistress whom he is married to illegally, both parents stole from us and still steal from me. i told her where you are getting there must be an ounce of love from them? i said my dad who molested my mom's 1st born daughter who is not his, r u saying he did her a favor? she hates both of them so bad it isn't even funny! people who have been in abused or been in some kind of dysfunction, what loving favors are you getting? i asked have u been abused? she got mad and real quiet! the list goes on and on...

i told her what change of perception am i suppose to have? now, she did explain it to me. she said a change of perception means that i will no longer be a victim, that i will take responsibility for myself not what my parents did to me, make peace with it because they will not change (knew that long ago), i must take accountability for my own actions not theirs, that i won't dwell on it and live my life accordingly. i said u can't live ur life accordingly if u r still living in the same damn environment!!

i asked how is a person having "a better life" within a shitty environment? she told me it's possible to have one i never heard of that every abused person i have spoken to said they had to leave to have better and sometimes people can leave and still not change but that all depends on the person.

she told me people have many different perceptions i said i am hearing contradicting statements cuz that isn't what u said in the last session. u said i need to make peace there is nothing there to make peace with and to be positive that's kinda hard to do living in that situation.

she said be kind to ur parents i said shit what about them being kind to me? look, kindness goes both ways same with respect, love, sympathy, empathy, caring, understanding, etc are of them goes both ways in life! she looked at me this is a married woman with children, u think she'd know this! i told her a lot i know more than u i didn't go to school for mental health, i have an IT degree. my experience from my parents speaks more volumes than a piece of paper will ever in a lifetime! she didn't like that at all lmao

i have seen/heard about these mental health professionals acting like some God cuz they have a degree. that means jackshit they dont know everything only from what they are told in their sessions and they dont have the answers to everything either. they need to come down off the eiffel tower! life isn't about them, if they got issues, they need to go fix them but dont act like ur clients need to comply with how u think.

therapist told me if i have a better perception then my parents will notice i am the light that shines and will have better relationships with them. i laughed in her face i said that sounds like a lovely tv show that i have seen, but that's not reality definitely not my reality. my reality is even if i became the light that shines, they don't care that i am an adult, for my mom it's trying to be white and a sell out, nothing positive will ever come out of their mouths.

i told her this is narcissism you are dealing with it is clear within my parents! i said they are so self absorbed who cares if u r the light that shines? narcs need attention so they will try to put the light out. my therapists' education is abuse and trauma certainly not narcissism.

"Clients know more because they have experienced real pain and suffering. Therapists have no idea what real pain is and they listen with only half an ear because it is too terrible to hear all day long without losing their minds. They have built walls to protect themselves which work to prevent those with the worst hurts ever receiving real help."

i agree. when people experience pain or whatever it is, they know more and everybody has stories to tell - whether they are good, funny, bad, ugly, or indifferent we still have stories not a person on this planet who doesn't have a story. my story is very dark but what can i do about it?

i'll finish this later, i gotta clock into the bookstore now....

ok, i am back! took my bf home earlier and came back had some dinner.

"I left and read books, went to bible study (of all things) and talked about abusive stories in the bible, and learned to trust myself, my inner child, and I journal everyday to dump the anger, pain, whatever is needed for the day."

here's another question. i read tons of self help books, some i liked and others i didn't agree or partially agreed. my therapist said that's too much reading, why read it if u r not gonna put any of it into action? again, she said that's a lot of perceptions and feels i should stop reading them, wtf?!?! what would u say to that? she undermines my readings i said agree to disagree, if they don't speak to you, then don't bother. she got mad lol

also, i told her don't expect me to give up my readings since it won't do me any good then ur books for your job won't do u any good - oooh mad again! she said books aren't helping me wtf?!? how would she know? she said if i told u my life story how is that helping u? again wtf?!? i told her the reason why people tell stories about themselves is so we don't make the mistakes that they did hence is why they share their traumatic stories or hurtful stories, good stories are nice to listen too as well.

she is christian, she don't seem to know her bible well.

i asked her so it is a waste of time to read a memoir? according to u, they are ur words not mine. she said it isn't gonna do u or me any good wtf?!? lol my god, this woman has no life experience even though she is married with kids! the shit that comes out of her i can easily deflect it no wonder she looks so damn dumbfounded and gullible. she got her Masters in therapy last summer not sure how long she's been a therapist....

i have done a lot of journaling which ends up being a lot and a lot of negative stuff. she told me journals should be for happy things and she said i am writing too much of negative stuff. i have brought in some of my journals for her to read and she said that is deep, real hurt, and negative. i am like no shit huh!!?? funny how these mental health professionals seem to get it when a light bulb hits them!

in the past, i had a high school counselor who used to be my 8th grade math teacher and i think he became a counselor just cuz it paid more so i stopped seeing him. my college counselor was cool before she became my counselor and that went downhill. i told my therapist it is about trust, if u make a client upset, then u r breaking their trust ohhh she didn't agree with that!

my social worker from the women's center told me maybe your therapist feels you are taking a stab in her field that she loves which is why she gets huffy. i said if these professionals would stfu, listen, and quit trying to use the white picket fence mentality, live in reality, and see two sides of a coin not just one side! i said not everybody had it great in life, not everybody had good answers as to why they didnt do this or that at least they're honest about it, they need to stop trying to project either their ideas or lives on their clients, etc.

we wonder why victims have no hope, no place to go, no help, and they are still living in turmoil whether they are still living in dysfunction or not! if these mental health professionals treat their job like a typical job, then they need to find another job to do. told social worker in order to understand true pain, we must be able to put our feet in someone's shoes, and feel the pain asking ourselves what would we do in xyz situation?

by calling victims liars/needing attention/etc how is that helping them? those who hate them they can end up victims themselves we must be careful what we say to others. so...i have been looking for book on independence i got this codependency book i havent read it yet and told therapist i am so sorry i wasn't taught how to be self-sufficient growing up and now i have to learn how to do it at age 27.

i said how was i suppose to leave long ago with no skills of being independent? she just looked at me i mean really?!? did i discover a new language?!? its very hard for me to learn it on my own since nobody isn't showing me is what i told her.

yea, she got called out and cut me off several times lmao which i always smirked at. she told me one session that my sister isn't here to defend herself. i said my sister is 45 does it look like she needs help from a 27 yr old? she isn't gonna leave the base in Japan to back up what i have to say. i have been backing myself up for years without my sister and brother's help, does it look like i need her help now?

therapist was furious i told her if my sister was here, on skype on your computer, or speakerphone, she would tell u off u would be in tears. my sister would say how i am already upset as it is in my situation that i dont need to be upset anymore and if i find out anything else that will make my lil sister upset even more, u and me will exchange words and i will not go down.

i told her if i were u, i would not bring my sister into this. so, don't speak about something if u have no experience about the subject. oooh she was red in the face! my therapist later finds out how my parents are nothing but manipulative control freaks i came close to saying oh u finally recognized that now? congrats!

it's funny how she called me an expert this summer lol. like i told her i am an expert on my life not yours or anybody else. i read my stuff on abuse/trauma/narcissism/sociopaths to benefit me so i can keep myself education so i won't have people like u trying to change my mind and to "give people like the benefit of the doubt." i told her words lie actions don't and she shut up so fast lol.

however, i decided to go to therapy again is because my issues were getting even more worse and worse. i have bouts of anger which i still do. i still have depression, sometimes suicidal thoughts, no hope, helplessness, low self esteem, etc i told my therapist i couldn't fix my own problems, so i decided to go to therapy. there were people on DS who suggested so i got the courage to do it.

staying in my situation isn't helping me being self sufficient either. i told therapist got any other better ideas? silence as a mouse! i told her it's sad and embarrassing that i have to relearn how to do these things it doesn't help when other people tell me why didnt u learn it in the past blah blah that's the past. i had to relearn how to be organize so i decided to volunteer in a library. i am better there and then end up going back to the old ways at home.....