Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Should a person with so many issues with codependency and lack of boundries even be in a relationship? or will it just fail cus the codependant person is not very healthy? will it put strain on the relationship?
I'm working diligently within myself to find balance and healthy boundaries with recovering from my disease of co dependance. On the other hand, my hubby is moving a slowly, than I. Mainly, because he deals with more of the denial, low self esteem, and compliance coponents of co depender. I carry more of the controller traits.
I'm learning the more I focused on myself, the more I allow him the opportunity to look at his self, on his timing and learning scale. What i'm saying is the more I get better with focusing on what I need to change within myself for myself. The more I exemplify to him through my actions what he needs to be doing for himself.
I try to do this in a loving matter, as much as possible. So, he don't feel left out, abandoned, rejected and lonely. And he's accepting it pretty well and sort of realizing while in his depression that he has to advocate for his life as well. I hope I answered some of your questions
The core of codependency comes from our family of origin, our first family. It was a bunch of things our little kid brains thought up to deal with the big people stress/lack of love/addictions going on in our home lives. The problem now, as adults is that when some familiar bad feeling we had when we were kids pops up as adults, we access these tendencies to deal with our present relationships, even when the situation is WAY different with just a hint of the same feelings from long ago brought up.
Like my relationship with my husband really didn't start out codependent. But when we had kids and the stress level got upped, he started accessing his codependent strategies and so did I.
Being a recovering codependent means you acknowledge that the codependent nature in you will pop up no matter what, somewhere down the road when you are in a high stress environment. And knowing this will help you prepare for it. Like fulloflove said, working on yourself to find balance and set boundaries to how much you will give (and notice I didn't say how much you will love...'cause love isn't based on how much you do for someone!) can really help a relationship.
I honestly felt a TON better when I was able to label the codependent nature in me-I felt like I had found a long lost friend. I accepted it, nurtured that part of me (not being codependent, but growing through it) and have maintained a steady coarse of dealing with my first family issues first. Knowing where I came from has helped me better understand who I am today and how these weird codependent behaviors are actually a defense mechanism and not centered in love or who I am today.
I also have become not afraid to share with people that I am codependent, explain what it means and this naturally leads to explaining my boundaries to them. It kind of lets you set up a little "contract" if you will at the start of a relationship-here's who I am but I can also be this and if you notice this or I do, I might need some time to work on myself with or without your help. Please understand this about me.
*Shrug* Hope this was helpful and not too much. Have a good weekend and thanks for sharing your questions. :)