Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
My biggest problem (we'll at this moment)that I've noticed when I'm dating and anything changes like I don't get an I love you text, or a returned call ASAP, or I don't get a kiss in the AM or the night doesn't go like normal, or they have something out of the norm to do. I'm ready to break up or say just leave. Most recently, this time I threw my GF's clothes and said get the F out. It's 9am. Then I lay crying on my bed begging her not to leave. She's says she'll talk to me but she's packing first. She tries to sneak out so, I run after her and shes like I'll come back in an hr. I beg her crying and she doesn't lestin so, I push her. It wasn't on purpose it was in the Chaos I'd never do such a thing to her I love her but, now she's gone. I go back and forth by doing good & respecting her & not call but, then I text 20x's. I just want her back but she said she can't. Why am I so messed up. Why would I do that to someone I love?
I learned it came from "leaving them before they leave me"....abandonement crap...
My parents did that alot too...they didn't know how to "fight fair" so I didn't learn that skill...
It took me a long time to learn that it's ok for me to angry and to express it, instead of "running"....and just because someone is angry with me, doesn't mean they don't care about me or will leave me....they're just pissed. Period.
We weren't allowed to express anger in my house growing up, so I had to learn how to express it, appropriately...
My biggest challenge today is to make sure I do express it, instead of holding it in and making myself, and everyone around me, miserable....
Are you reading "Codependent No More?"
Fighting fair is tough, but I do know this -even though I have yet to practice it - when your partner says enough, it's enough. Let it go and she'll cool down and so will you and all else will work out the way it should. Hopefully, you can follow this advice better than I can.
I am a highly sensitive person and i have fears of abandonment which i understand as well as i can through working the coda programme with a sponsor and attending meetings weekly but in the heat of the moment it takes incredible willingness and strength of my character to not blame my partner or friend if i feel disrespected or unloved.
I'm working through Pia Mellodys workbook called 'Breaking Free' which goes into great depth about our behaviours which is helping me so much to not only be aware but to make the changes i need for myself and my own sanity. My main focus today is myself which I am very happy to say. Some days i need to remind myself of this constantly but i am so much happier for focusing on my throughts and feelings, wants and needs and letting the world have theirs.
Most importantly we need to love ourselves exactly as we are, were perfectly imperfect and thats great.
Blessings and joy to you.
Vee