thank you beingshannon . Yes I have the Melody Beattie book. I have been reading it through and through. I will check out the site for Divorce.

thank you happyfree. I feel for you. Mine has only been out of my house for 4 weeks. He left in October for 6 weeks but came back to me. I don't think he was really ready, obviously, to come back. It had to do with the holidays. He felt guilty about the kids. Now not so much.

I cry everyday too. I am sick over this. I wish it would get better. Everyone keeps telling me the pain will ease. If you have been grieving for years I don't see me lasting that long. I am sick over this break up. He still tells me he loves me. Sometimes its enough to vanquish the pain for a while but then I remember I am alone. Will I ever get over him? It doesn't feel like it.

Hi Hullibee,

I know it's way too soon to say this, but in light of the last words of your most recent posting I thought perhaps I should. Can you remember all the things you gave up to be with your husband? I'm sure there were things that made you happy....perhaps singing, or taking walks or going to the movies, drawing/painting, museums, etc? Perhaps hanging out with certain people? Going to specific places? Maybe you can explore some of these activities/places/people, see if they still hold a spark for you. If they don't that's okay because you can start finding new things. if you never sang but always wanted to, perhaps now is the time to try it out?

What you're going through is just terrible, I can't really comprehend it. But a way of looking at it is seeing that your path was moving in a certain direction, and you lived in a kind of bubble. No judgment, as you were content. But now the bubble is gone and the path feels more uncertain. The advantage to all that is you suddenly have a freedom to explore. I know it's really uncomfortable and scary but the possibilities for happiness and joy are all there, you just have to find them. It can be exciting and fun. You may experience more joy than you've ever experienced before.

So as you grieve and try to get your feet back under you, maybe as a starting point, try and remember what you gave up to maintain the bubble. Since it's gone you no longer have to sacrifice whatever it/they was/were.

May you feel some peace today.

Thank you TeelaNa. Wow I can't remember that far back. I am a totally different person. I was 18 years old when we married. Then I started having kids. I spent a good portion of our marriage raising our 4 children.

I lost my middle daughter in a very bad accident in 2000. I have been very depressed since losing her. That is one of the reasons I feel like it is my fault he strayed. I lost control of things around me because I was in such a depressed state.

I know though that I cannot control another person. Especially an alcoholic. He drinks, and drinks. I try to reach out to him to involve him in the grand children's events but sometimes he ignores me.

I cannot wrap my head around this it is taking its toll on me. I don't sleep well at night. I wake up every hour after midnight unless I take a sleeping pill. Then I wake up every hour after 3:00. I try not to fix on what he's doing but sometimes my mind is a whirl wind.
I pray to get it to stop.