I felt like this for 18 years. On my 18th birthday I left for good. My family was extremely negative and scary. Once I gained independence I picked people who were just like them for friends! Took me a long time of faith and work to feel again. I had to start with positive thinking, therapy, learning to love myself by saying hundreds of affirmations. Then learning to trust my gut in response to others. Had to let go of every single "friend." as it was less painful. Found out who the hell I was and left the USA. Retired in 2009. It's a worthwhile journey and you can do it.

I often get quiet when dealing with my sisters, as a measure of self-protection. However, inside, there's a lot of self-talk going on. "Don't feed into that" "Watch out for the "pothole" -- she's setting it up for you to step into" "what's to be gained by me saying this?" "how does answering that serve me?"

It doesn't mean I don't react or don't have a conversation with them. Over time, I'm learning how to use critical thinking before I stick my foot in my mouth or "step into the pothole."

My aunt explained to me about the pothole theory. It goes something like this: "How are you? Have you found a job yet?" (that's presenting the pothole) "I'm feeling down. I'm really struggling to find my way." (that's stepping into the pothole) "Well, you know, it's your own damn fault!" (and there it is, getting slammed & falling down into their trap).

So next time a pothole is offered (eg. high school), skirt around it. Redirect the conversation. And if you can't, you can always elect not to say a thing in response. Or just say, "I'm doing just fine!"

These are toxic people. The less you are involved with them, the less you'll feel rejected.

yes i agree with comments another thing my sister tell me stuff about SO and so when i told him what they were saying she tells me i am a big mouth? i said that i did not think that you were not telling the truth, just want him to know that he needs to stop. tomorrow suppost to go with them for funeral planning???? do i really need to do that i am depressed thinking about it. things are just so stressful now and am going to loose my sister and the pain will be great and feel scared and it and had to work a 12 hour shift today and got off at midnight and felt like i was flipping out. have 2 go its part of the grieving process and knowing that i care enought about her 2 do this. even with all the bull shit going on. been running away from the pain of loosing a sister and it is catching up with me. my inner child is screaming.

I'd go along and put in your 2 cents about the plans, but realize that they may not listen to anything you have to say. You can still speak up, but know that the decision is probably not yours to make. At least you added your thoughts. Then let it go. We all deal with grief in our own way, and it sounds like your sister's way of dealing with it is to be negative toward you. That's her issue, not yours. Do what you have to and leave the dysfunctional family behind when you don't have to deal with them. Distance is always the best policy!