Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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mysteryman73 03/20/2009

I need advice I am dating somebody I don't love her and don't have any fun, but I am so scared to be alone I can't break up with her. Has anybody had this problem and if they did how did they go over there fear.

Booky 03/21/2009

In my opinion, and I surely do not know all the particulars, but it seems to me that you are mistaking guilt for fear and that is the thing confussing you.

Love is some thing that we do, and it is not really some thing that we feel.

Abusers do this is saying they love us while they are trashing us and it is never true.

So if you are treating the GF respectfully, and she it being nice to you THEN it is NOT a "bad" relationship at all.

And having "fun" is entirely over-rated when we become over 30 years old. Because again, if you are respectful and she is nice then what in this world does fun mean? except you mean some thing un-nice.

This is why I say you are mistaking guilt for fear, because you do not seem fearful of breaking up, but you really feel the guilt and you must know that you would be doing a very mean thing to your GF and she does not deserve being dumped on.

You are not so young anymore and we Men need to settle down or else becoming truly all alone will become a reality in due time.

That is just my perspective, and my quicky opinion.

deleted_user 03/21/2009

I would say that you are being unfair to yourself and in particular to your girlfriend. I am sure she senses your distance already. By holding on you are preventing you both from finding genuine love. I do feel for your partner, I for one have been stuck with someone who did not love me but was afraid to let go. It was an abusive relationship that left me totally demoralised and spiritually dead. I do respect your honesty in this post but I would suggest look at the damage you can do by continuing this

deleted_user 03/22/2009

I am in a very similar situation. I have been on again/off again with my gf for the past three years and each time I break up with her, I end up feeling alone and hating it. A month or two later and I am begging her for another try (she accepts me back way too easily) and then it's good for a few months until I start to feel and realize again that she is not healthy for me. Yet I am afraid to let go, be alone for a considerable amount of time and letting "genuine" love find me.

I am at the point again where I feel it's best for me to break up with her one last time and then to commit to a significant period of time to being single. During this time I plan on working on myself and my personal issues so that when genuine love finds me, I will be ready for it.

Good luck and I hope things work out for you!

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