Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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thekayjay
thekayjay
Well im a returning codependent. It has been repeating its vicious cycle for 6 years of my life now. I always start out relationships strong then 6 munths in become the victim. This latest one has become maybe one of the hardest ones yet because of all the mental abuse i am putting up with as well. for some reason this guy could tell me he hates me everyday all day and i would still cling on for the rest of my life my first step is getting on here to read and hope other people like me are having success so i know there is hope for me. Im barely hanging onto my life at this moment my confidence is shot and i am drained from people pleasing all the time and being supportive for him but never for myself and then i expect him to be supportive of me but wthis is where i get confused because if i was supportive for myself i wouldnt expect him to be right or should he be supportive because he loves me? or meet halfway liek what even are relationships anymore two people living their own sperate lives but together or two people sharing everything equally my mind is just lost on this subject. ugh. Its frusterating to know but i would love to hear the definition of a perfect functioning healthy man and woman relationship.Maybe that would clarify really how i am suppossed to feel emotionally and what i should contribute or expect or not contribute and not expect sigh. Im just happy to be here among some people like me it makes me feel a bit better already.
BuffyS
BuffyS
I hope you dumped this guy, and if not, do so! He is an emotional vampire and that's the last thing you need or deserve. As soon as you felt safe in the relationship, he started getting nasty, right? I've been there. What started as a friendship where I felt good about myself and was buying this guy things he couldn't afford (it gave me a rush thanks to my codependency and needing to feel needed), turned into him being snarly and sarcastic. It was a gradual deterioration, but one day I realized that every time I was with this guy, my mood shifted from self-confident to self-doubting and depressed. Poison!!!!!!

Bail on this guy, run run run from this relationship. Until you do that, you won't be able to build your self-confidence and rid yourself of the codependency shackles.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi,

In the case of significant others, I agree with you, there should be reciprocity. I mean that is the point of a relationship, right, loving and being there for each other. If it is a one-way street, it is not healthy. The give and take may not be 50/50 and it might be different things that you each contribute to the relationship, but having one giver and one taker is not a relationship. You have the right to expect more.

Good luck!

Shar
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hey KayJay~ in addition to codependent issues, it sounds like you would benefit from the DS emotional & physical support group as well. I'm on both & they both help tremendously.

He is ABUSIVE. Abusers never change, they only get worse. Please end the relationship. You will start to feel so much better about yourself.

Sending you positive thoughts & gentle hugs.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think a healthy relationship involves giving the other person what they need and ask for, and generally being nice to one another. Relationships may not be 50/50 all the time, but in general they should work out that way. An imbalance is not good. I was a giver and my STBX was a major taker. It was all about him all the time. Emotional vampire. I lived with his verbal/emotional abuse for 20+ years. So did my kids. Although I'm lonely and broke being on my own, it's still better than what I lived with. Working on myself now. Don't even know who I am. But at least I don't have to put up with crap when I came home at night.