Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
(I found this the other day, and I almost fell over, I went through almost everything listed here... almost word by word)
The Pain Stops: when you stop looking at the person you love as the person you love, and you begin to see them, not as a partner, a lover, or a best friend, but as a human being with the strengths and weaknesses and even the core of a child.
The Pain Stops: when you begin to accept that what you would do in a circumstance is not what they would do, and that no matter how much you try, they have to learn their own lessons, and they have to touch the stove when it's hot, just as you did, to learn that it is much better when it is cold.
The Pain Stops: when your longing for them gets slowly replaced by a desire to get away, when making love to them no longer makes you feel cherished, when you find yourself tired of waiting for the moments where the good will truly outweigh the bad, and when at the end of the day you can't count on their arms for comfort.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look inward and decide whether their presence is a gift or a curse, and whether when you need them, they cause more heartache than bliss.
The Pain Stops: when you realize that you deserve more than they offer and stop blaming them for being less than you wish. When the smile of a stranger seems more inviting and kind, and you remember what it's like to feel beautiful, and you remember how long it has been since your lover whispered something in your ear that only the two of you would know.
The Pain Stops: when you forgive them for their faults and forgive yourself for staying so long. When you know that you tried harder than you ever tried before, and you know in your heart that love should not be so much work.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look in the mirror and like who you see, and know that leaving them or losing them is no reflection of your beauty or your worth.
The Pain Stops: when the promise of a new tomorrow is just enough to start replacing the emptiness in your heart, and you start dreaming again of who you used to be and who you will become.
The Pain Stops: when you say goodbye to what never really was, and accept that somewhere in the fog you may or may not have been loved back. And you promise yourself never again to lay in arms that don't know how to cherish the kindness in your heart.
The Pain Stops: When you are ready.
The Pain Stops: when you stop looking at the person you love as the person you love, and you begin to see them, not as a partner, a lover, or a best friend, but as a human being with the strengths and weaknesses and even the core of a child.
The Pain Stops: when you begin to accept that what you would do in a circumstance is not what they would do, and that no matter how much you try, they have to learn their own lessons, and they have to touch the stove when it's hot, just as you did, to learn that it is much better when it is cold.
The Pain Stops: when your longing for them gets slowly replaced by a desire to get away, when making love to them no longer makes you feel cherished, when you find yourself tired of waiting for the moments where the good will truly outweigh the bad, and when at the end of the day you can't count on their arms for comfort.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look inward and decide whether their presence is a gift or a curse, and whether when you need them, they cause more heartache than bliss.
The Pain Stops: when you realize that you deserve more than they offer and stop blaming them for being less than you wish. When the smile of a stranger seems more inviting and kind, and you remember what it's like to feel beautiful, and you remember how long it has been since your lover whispered something in your ear that only the two of you would know.
The Pain Stops: when you forgive them for their faults and forgive yourself for staying so long. When you know that you tried harder than you ever tried before, and you know in your heart that love should not be so much work.
The Pain Stops: when you start to look in the mirror and like who you see, and know that leaving them or losing them is no reflection of your beauty or your worth.
The Pain Stops: when the promise of a new tomorrow is just enough to start replacing the emptiness in your heart, and you start dreaming again of who you used to be and who you will become.
The Pain Stops: when you say goodbye to what never really was, and accept that somewhere in the fog you may or may not have been loved back. And you promise yourself never again to lay in arms that don't know how to cherish the kindness in your heart.
The Pain Stops: When you are ready.
Thank you MelisaDE for posting it,
I seriously could of wrote that.. I went through every single step every stepas hard as it was to go through.....
and its true I dont think I will ever stop waiting for the other shoe to drop but I know if it does. I will be ok
I hope for all of you too!
The Pain Stops: When you realise you have seen the light and they may never reach that point. So you may have to let go.
The Pain Stops: When you realise that your destiny is to be free to be yourself and to free yourself from whatever may prevent that
The Pain Stops: When you finally realise what it means to live
The weird thing is that I have been feeling these things the last few days...the need to get away, the awareness that I am not being loved how I deserve to be, the realization that this relationship may truly be just a one sided friendship at this point to one (not me). And I have done extremely well with it - actually was feeling happy in the space we have created, able to breathe, and begin to feel how self sufficient I am. How I don't 'need' this person, they're own imperfections, my lack of blame or guilt, the complete absence of a desire to be the one to fix it. Until the last 10 minutes. I just don't WANT it to be over yet. Even in spite of all of the above, I don't want to feel these negative, distant feelings toward this person. It's just too final. I will never go back to loving my best friend if I let myself go 'there' and how do you let yourself go there when you are in love with them, even if the sentiment is not returned. I don't even believe in the codependency anymore - I have stopped all of that behavior and it has been good (and increasingly easy). This is much bigger it feels. Another level of new to me...
On the other hand the feelings expressed in this post do re-iterate the fact that I have to become the authentic me.
The way I see things is like this, I have this feeling in the back of my mind that in order for me to be accepted completely as I am, in my compete glory and vunerability, my wife will have to start on her own recovery because to start to accept me in my entirety she must start to understand and accept herself.
It is a sorry state of affairs when you think you can understand the underlying motivations of your spouse better than they can.
In the emotional intelligence terminology I would say she is in the blind quadrent now, unseen to herself but not to me.
You don't have to be leaving a relationship for these truths to be applicable. Thanks, Melisa.