Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Hi,
I posted before about being afraid of the man at the earlier meeting. Well, I was really tired, but I bit the bullet and drove nearly an hour. My goal is to work the program and the steps, and stay sober emotionally, stop spending time and energy with people with really angry personalities or ppl who tell me what to do, and stay sober from certain drugs and alcohol.
The first thing I did when I went to the meeting was I explained that I was there because I had lost my anonimity, which I did. I got a 24 hour chip. My heart was really in my throat because I am so into clinging to people or abusing substances at times. Or my behavior is really self destructive.
One lady said that she had been going for seventeen years and came back and said that she would die if she didn't go there. It scared me. I told myself that before I went to the group, I was not going to give out my number. I don't want to get into dysfunctional and clinging behavior all over again and ruin it with ppl who are having these issues.
Right after the meeting the woman came up to me and said that she thought that she knew me. I told her that I was keeping my anonimity. For the city that I am in, it's totally lost. I had to go to another city altogether. She was really into hanging out and stuff, and while I get lonely and complain that I don't have enough friends, I am really concerned about going through the entire cycle all over again in terms of behavior problems and entanglements. I can't work the program if I'm in entanglements. So, my goal is to work the program. I don't want people latching on to me. Maybe that sounds bad, but I have people latching onto me a lot. She guessed my profession and I really wanted her to back away because I have no reason to trust her. So maybe I am cutting myself off from friendship, I don't know, I could be, but when she asked for my number, I said no. I don't know what is the matter with me. I just didnt' want to.
I posted before about being afraid of the man at the earlier meeting. Well, I was really tired, but I bit the bullet and drove nearly an hour. My goal is to work the program and the steps, and stay sober emotionally, stop spending time and energy with people with really angry personalities or ppl who tell me what to do, and stay sober from certain drugs and alcohol.
The first thing I did when I went to the meeting was I explained that I was there because I had lost my anonimity, which I did. I got a 24 hour chip. My heart was really in my throat because I am so into clinging to people or abusing substances at times. Or my behavior is really self destructive.
One lady said that she had been going for seventeen years and came back and said that she would die if she didn't go there. It scared me. I told myself that before I went to the group, I was not going to give out my number. I don't want to get into dysfunctional and clinging behavior all over again and ruin it with ppl who are having these issues.
Right after the meeting the woman came up to me and said that she thought that she knew me. I told her that I was keeping my anonimity. For the city that I am in, it's totally lost. I had to go to another city altogether. She was really into hanging out and stuff, and while I get lonely and complain that I don't have enough friends, I am really concerned about going through the entire cycle all over again in terms of behavior problems and entanglements. I can't work the program if I'm in entanglements. So, my goal is to work the program. I don't want people latching on to me. Maybe that sounds bad, but I have people latching onto me a lot. She guessed my profession and I really wanted her to back away because I have no reason to trust her. So maybe I am cutting myself off from friendship, I don't know, I could be, but when she asked for my number, I said no. I don't know what is the matter with me. I just didnt' want to.
Good for you. You have the right to work the program according to the rule so you have the best chance to heal yourself.
I am glad the facilitator seems to be controlling the meeting. Other codependents may hang on tight to their codependent behaviors and they want as many with them as possible.
Mom was in a group for.losing weight. People went for decades. Some never lost more than 10 lbs and then gained of right back.
Mom played the games with them for a Fe years and then decided she wanted to actually lose weight. So many tried to get her to come back to "one piece of cake can't hurt", she started a new chapter with people who actually lost their weight to goal and taught others how to do it.
People constantly want me to have " just a little" gluten.
We have to realize that others actually refuse to work hard to reach health. Those people tell us silly things that fly in the face of wise experts. They are wanting to control. As long as they can convince others to stay around abuse, they don't have to work.
I am just so darn proud of you for taking care of YOU.
That is really BIG. Your are heading for freedom and peace on the rout track.
The riht path for.you is the right path for you.
Please, if you are comfy about it, let us know how you are doing.g.
I forgot that part. Stick to trusting your inner self. Nature gave you those so you could be safe.
And you so deserve to be safe.
The Woman being 17 years and it is not working is not a positive sign.
But I say NOT to reject her completely.
Talk to her at the meetings when convenient, and be nice to her, but just do not go out anywhere with her unless or until you feel comfortable going some place.
When I go places with a person that I do not quite trust, then we go in separate cars, as I drive myself and they drive them self, and we meet at a place where we both agree and both feel comfortable.
She might just be one of 'the walking wounded" and she might be in need of a tough and smart friend like your self.
Maybe - maybe not.
Just my opinion and perspective.
When the facilitator was stopping her because she was correcting you, and then this other person said it's (I figure she means the program) not working for her, this was a further red flag that you listened to.
I would steer clear of her until she is able to have the program work for her and she respects your boundaries and not push so hard for private details. Remember, it is up to you who you speak with and you're not required speak with or go out with everyone you meet--ultimately that is your choice.
The choices that you made at that meeting on the very first night:
saying, "No" to giving out your number
refusing to lose your anonymity
trusting your instincts that she was pressing for too much too early.
These are the things that leave us exposed to abusers.
Obviously, for YOU, saying "yes" to her friendship immediate offer of friendship brought up issues. It does not matter what anyone else thinks or says, it bothered you. Calmly stating your boundaries and sticking to them is the difference between healthy living and letting others walk all over you.
Even here, you have to judge our opinions and decide what works best for you. There is nothing wrong with choosing for yourself. If you choose to never speak to this woman again or become fast friends, it has to be because it has some benefits for both, is safe for both, and is YOUR choice.
No matter what you choose, some will think you are wrong and others will think you are right. If you are making ANY choices based on the opinions of others, that is a sign of an area of codependence that you can work. Eventually, what others think will no longer matter. Then you are free!