Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I had a best friend since I was 13. I'm 24 now, I lost her about 3 years ago. She got sucked in by an abusive boyfriend, who took over her life and pretty effectively isolated her, as is typical. It took me a year to finally say (and only with perspective and encouragement from my therapist), if she was only gonna give me a couple hours once every 1-4 months, during most of which time she spent texting her boyfriend, that I couldn't do this anymore, unless she was going to change. It's too painful for me. She said she understood, and tried to do better for a little while, but wasn't able to change much. So I ended it. In the aftermath, I sent her a bunch of angry texts once in a while (I never used to get angry with her).
I adored her, and her companionship and friendship meant the world to me. We had been through a lot together. She truly was my very best friend. I think I liked her more than she liked me. I was kind of annoying, lol (I've grown up a bit since then). But I was always therefore, and I know that was invaluable to her, that she appreciated and love me a lot, that my friendship and support meant a great deal to her (she had a very rough life).
We recently rekindled the relationship, after I had a near-death experience in which she got involved.
I used to be very isolated with few friends, so her abandonment was at the time an unbearable blow. Time does heal wounds, to some extent. And now I don't need her anymore, I am beginning to tap into the world of potential friends awaiting out there.
Yet she is so consumed with work and her boyfriend that I don't know if she will have any time for me. We hung out once, and it was pretty great. Her bf may not be as stalky as he used to. And we spent several hours having a good time. Anyways, she had said she wanted to hang out, but she's working so much and they just bought a house they're working on. She said in early December she might not be able to hang out again until next year (which has come). I texted her recently that I hope we get to hang out again in the near future. She did not reply (which is unusual for her, she usually replies to texts). All those old feelings of abandonment are coming up again. It will not be too major of a blow if this results in abandonment all over.
It just triggered the memory of how she made me feel. I still want her affection, even though I realize now she's not nearly as great as I used to find her. It triggers that old, hurt girl I used to feel when she abandoned me (and sometimes around her).
I had been having an AWESOME evening, feeling great about myself, having fun, making positive social connections, excited about my future. Then this happened, and my self-esteem plummeted. I felt small, rejected, and hurt remembering how she had made me feel in the past. How come abandonment of a loved one can be so powerful? How do I let go of the old hurt?
I adored her, and her companionship and friendship meant the world to me. We had been through a lot together. She truly was my very best friend. I think I liked her more than she liked me. I was kind of annoying, lol (I've grown up a bit since then). But I was always therefore, and I know that was invaluable to her, that she appreciated and love me a lot, that my friendship and support meant a great deal to her (she had a very rough life).
We recently rekindled the relationship, after I had a near-death experience in which she got involved.
I used to be very isolated with few friends, so her abandonment was at the time an unbearable blow. Time does heal wounds, to some extent. And now I don't need her anymore, I am beginning to tap into the world of potential friends awaiting out there.
Yet she is so consumed with work and her boyfriend that I don't know if she will have any time for me. We hung out once, and it was pretty great. Her bf may not be as stalky as he used to. And we spent several hours having a good time. Anyways, she had said she wanted to hang out, but she's working so much and they just bought a house they're working on. She said in early December she might not be able to hang out again until next year (which has come). I texted her recently that I hope we get to hang out again in the near future. She did not reply (which is unusual for her, she usually replies to texts). All those old feelings of abandonment are coming up again. It will not be too major of a blow if this results in abandonment all over.
It just triggered the memory of how she made me feel. I still want her affection, even though I realize now she's not nearly as great as I used to find her. It triggers that old, hurt girl I used to feel when she abandoned me (and sometimes around her).
I had been having an AWESOME evening, feeling great about myself, having fun, making positive social connections, excited about my future. Then this happened, and my self-esteem plummeted. I felt small, rejected, and hurt remembering how she had made me feel in the past. How come abandonment of a loved one can be so powerful? How do I let go of the old hurt?
Sorry about this with your friend. I feel hurt when friends or family act in a way that is not what I expect or want. You want her attention, you would like her to answer you when you reach out, and she does not do it.
I think some of the ways of letting go is to examine what you are telling yourself about the situation when she does not respond to you. When I am in that situation, it is always what I am telling myself about it that makes things worse. If you can accept that she sometimes does not respond, and it is her issue, not yours, then it may not be so painful.
Hugs,
Shar