I'm not sure that I'm looking for answers or confirmation or...what- but here's my (long) story.

I'm 35 and a single mama with two kids.  I married and had children young.  I had low self-esteem at the time and married the first man I thought I had a connection with and that would agree to marry me.  We had some good years and have two beautiful children.  After the birth of our second child I began to realize that he didn't love me (he has narassisstic characteristics) and that I didn't love him anymore- and that I didn't want our children to think that was what a marriage was supposed to be like.  So I did an incredibly selfish thing and signed up for a dating site before we decided to split.  I dated here and there, realizing that I was only trying to prove to myself that I was still lovable (not that it makes it ok).  Then I met a man.  He was married too- and we were only looking for a fling.  We talked about it before we met about how our marriages were both in negative places,  but we weren't ready to jump into anything serious.  And then we met in person- and it was an instant connection on multiple levels.  We both fell fast and hard.  Whereas our marriages had no basis in trust, honesty or vulnerability- we strove to and succeeded in having those things together.

After a few months of meeting he told me that he had a problem and he was realizing he was a sex addict.  We spent a long time discussing what that meant and looked like and then I urged him to seek therapy and a support group.  By this time I was divorced and his relationship with his wife was that of a roommate.  There were trust issues on both sides- as well as other family issues and betrayals for both of them.  He has always wanted to be a father/father-figure and it was something that his ex would agree to and then change her mind over and over again.

I told him that I needed some space and that he needed to focus on his therapy so I told him we needed to take a month and work on ourselves, then re-evaluate.  After the month he was seeing a therapist twice a week and going to SA meetings 6-7 nights a week. Since we had met 5mos before he had not slept with or contacted anyone else. He was still living with his wife- but felt that he needed to get stronger in his recovery before he moved out.  Five months later he moved out of his wife's house.  We started dating openly- but slowly.  He still hadn't met my kids or my family because I needed to be sure that things were moving forward in a healthy way.  He stayed in therapy, went to meetings and was doing the hard work to make ammends with his past and his past pain.  Other than being there to support his going to meetings and remind him that he was worthy and deserving of love and being healthy- his recovery was something that he was doing for himself.  He's said that he never would have had the strength to start had we not met- but I made it very clear from the beginning that I would support him- but could not fix or help him fix himself.  Three months ago he met my children and my dad.  He started meeting my friends and we started to build a little life together.

Fast forward to a month ago when he saw his ex because he had some mail at her house.  She told him that she wanted him back and that she was ready to get therapy together.  He was conflicted and confused and we talked through it.  I thought things were ok but then he told me that he was thinking that he needed to try and work things out with her.  I was stunned and hurt.  He contacted me the next day and said that he couldn't do it- that he loved me and was just confused.  I told him we needed to take some space to talk about things and go slowly. We spent three weeks talking and meeting for coffee and going for walks- he told me that he wanted to make things work with us and that we were going to make it through this no matter how much time it took, that he loved me deeply and trusted and respected me. On Sunday he went to his ex's house because she was putting on the market and he still had a few things there.  She told him that she wanted to buy a bigger house and start a family with him.  I happened to drive by and see his car at her house and asked him about it (his ex and I strangely live only a few blocks apart).  He said that he wanted to try and make things work because he thought she might be sincere this time.  I told him we couldn't be in contact and I haven't heard from (or contacted) him in three days.

I am hurt and grieving what was a trusting and loving relationship.  I am saddened to think that he is going back to an unhealthy and potentially damaging relationship- but at the same time know that he has to make his own decisions and see what's happening for himself.  I know in my head that I can't wait for that to happen but my heart feels like what we had was good and healthy.  

Help.