Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
So, 7 days ago, my lovely, caring sober man fell off his sobriety journey for the 4th time this year.
I can honestly say this is the worst part. I've had the love of my life accuse me of sleeping with someone else, he's finished with me and then told me he didn't mean it, yesterday he wanted me to pay his bills(which I refused) and tonight he's rung me at least 15 times, (I've answered once) begging that I send him £30 so that he can buy vodka and telling me he needs it because he's been drinking 2 1ltr bottles of vodka a day for a week and he'll die if he just stops. (Still I have said no)) He cries, makes gurgling sounds, pants heavily, tells me I dont care or love him. And calm and collected I've told him I'm not partaking and to ring an ambulance if he feels his life is in danger. And breathe!
I will never give in and provide money for this and I have to say that whilst I know this is a terrible illness, I am fast running out of patience and tonight told him if he carries on I will have to block his number so I don't have to listen to it anymore in order that he works this out himself and gets back on track with AA and restarts his rehab programme. And I think it will come to that yet.
I am a very determined character and so I don't know why I still always feel a little guilty when ever we go through this. I refuse to be Codependent though and know he needs to feel the weight of his actions. It's just hard when you have to be a bystander in it. I however know my limits and so does Mr Sober, I have made these boundaries really clear from the outset.
I honestly don't know what the future holds for me, I'm scared for his future and know that at the moment ''us" is secondary to his relationship with drink.
For anyone else that is dealing with this at the moment, stay strong and know your boundaries and stick to them. It's hard to appear heartless and unwilling to help when they are at such a point and it's all you naturally want to do. But it won't help so draw your line and don't be tempted to waiver despite how much they may beg.
Hey, we all totally understand. I could have literally written those words myself. I wondered if slapping my partner would make any difference and at the current time I know it would just hurt my hand so completely pointless.
Totally feel your anguish, that feeling in your stomach I don't think I will ever ever forget. You must feel shocked, cheated, and confused which is totally understandable with your current circumstances.
My partner, has managed to stop drinking (again) and is now just so negative, everything is wrong and absolutely nothing I say is correct. Once again, I've re-established my boundaries and last night told him that I am not engaging in negative conversation. I am not doing this, like this and he has to deal with this himself. It's not about blame, it's about them.
I think it's important to remember that the only thing you can control in a scenario that feels like a tornado sweeping through your life, is you. You decide what you feel, how you react and what you do. My only hope, is that you set your own boundaries amongst the chaos to help you process your situation and how you feel throughout it.
Huge hugs. X