Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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not sure

teddybear973
teddybear973
I have been told by a friend of mine that I am codependant and I am not sure if I really am or not. I know that I have never been on my own and always feel as if I have to have a man, even though he treats me badly, to be happy. I worry when people that I text or email do not respond and constantly check my phone or email to see if they do. I feel rejected and hurt and automatically jump to the worst case senerio... that they are mad at me or that I said something stupid again and they are upset with me. I am issolated from people because my husband does not want me to be away from him to go do things with friends. I feel like I am going insane! Is this the way all people feel? I spend my life waiting for someone to care enough about me to take interest in me.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi,

I do not think that everyone feels the way that you describe. I do think that many of those of us with codependency issues (like me) can relate, though. They have been mentioned many times on this board, but I would recommend the coda website: www.coda.org and the book "CoDependent No More" as places to start.

When you go to the website, there is a link that lists the traits of codependency which hopefully will help you identify where you think you are.

Welcome to the board.

Shar
speedy1033
speedy1033
I bought the codependency book. It helped alot. Its very easy to get addicted to drama. You dont want it but it happens. I have finally learned to turn my phone off rather than get into a text war with my alcoholic man. We cannot change other people. There is not sense in trying to change a jealous person. You are going to have to get to the point where you WANT peace in your life. Thats when you will start to get it. You will do whatever it takes to have it. You will learn to let things go. Especially the actions of other people. Sometimes, people dont realize that they have issues that drive others insane. Walk away from unsettling issues. You can only control yourself. You dont need other people to make you happy on the inside. Keep sharing on this board. It will help you.
amelah
amelah
I hope this link is helpful to you (if it doesn't work: just google Wikipedia definition of Codependency -- for the link). According to Wikipedia, " in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of or control of another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships. Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns. Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent."

In that link, the 4 Patterns & Characteristics (Denial, Low Self-Esteem, Compliance, & Control) are very well delineated with many examples for each category. You may find you relate more to one than the other.

I hope this is helpful to you:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency
deleted_user
deleted_user
I always felt that i needed a man around to fulfill me. Had much to do with abandonment and childhood loss and abuse. I found that once i discovered and tackled the cause, the easier my dependency and control issues became.