Codependency Support Group

Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...

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mysteryman73 02/13/2013

Not sure if this the right place to post this but, if you were seeing someone, and when you had your kids they hung out at bars till two am would it bother you. Also there ex goes to this same ba,r now my girlfriend really doesn't drink, but it still bothers me. She says she is not doing anything behind my back and I am overreacting but I can't stop the worrying that she is running behind my back.

HeatherCliff 02/14/2013

Yes, it would bother me a lot.

Take good care of yourself, mysteryman!

Love,
heathercliff

hbgdaystar 02/14/2013

MM

Your insecurity is something deep down you have to look into... something in past is triggering this insecurity.

How about talking to your gf and expressing your feelings of insecurity, vulnerability .... she may give you reassurance.

If she hangs out at bars until 2am well ask urself if this okay with ?

I go out until late nights some weekends.... i like dancing ...i dont drink ....well my ex probably will be in same club as me but nothing bothers me. I am there to have fun. If my bf starts feeling insecure abt me going to club/bar well i can only give him some assurance ...thats about it.... this wuldnt let me stop doing what i enjoy. May be i will take him with me sometimes ..

Coming to kids...if club/bar is impacting their care then thats something i will look into.

deleted_user 02/14/2013

Guess it would depend on what she's doing there. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you stop living and stop doing things you find fun without your significant other. If she has given you other reasons to distrust her, then that is one thing, but if this is the only reason you don't trust her, then you have to look within yourself to figure out why you don't trust. This would be your issue, not hers. She should not have to change her lifestyle to accommodate your insecurities. But if she has a history of cheating, then again that would be a different story. What do you feel comfortable with?

mysteryman73 02/14/2013

We talked and I think its my insecurity getting the best of me, I just have to trust her.

deleted_user 02/15/2013

Trust is a must for a healthy relationship. If she's given you no reason to distrust her, then trust her. Obviously if you see signs that something's up, then you need to confront her about it. But unless/until something like that happens, give her the benefit of the doubt. Your relationship will be better for it. Try not to take any baggage from past relationships into new ones.

mysteryman73 02/15/2013

Its hard for me because the people I have dated in the past I think negative and that someone is up to something. I am working on it but its hard to keep the negative thoughts at bay.

deleted_user 02/18/2013

I think that's probably pretty common. But that kind of thinking will destroy a good relationship. If you have a real hard time trusting people, then perhaps some therapy would be in order to get to the bottom of why you distrust so much and how to change that thought process. Everyone needs a little help sometimes. Therapy has helped me a great deal.

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