Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I feel so confused right now.
Life keeps going keeping me busy...work..I'm a teacher...so endless functions and events..where i couldn't possibly let anyone down...Putting a smile on my face (teaching is in a way 'a performance')....I work in a private school..so i endlessly have to chat to parents, be up beat, positive...try to look immaculate....and it takes over and keeps me endlessly stressed....will i be good enough today? will I pull it off? are the kids in my class happy enough? did i make it nice enough for them?
I have to be so sociable...humourous, kind, entertaining, clever....
But its like playing a 'part'.
I have friends but I'm always quite conscience that they need a 'distance' from me...so I play the part again of being kind, light and 'not heavy going', open...but not too open.....funny and positive.
i'm just exhausted from being me.....tired of feeling confused...tired of waking up each morning with a feeling of dread and then having to re train my brain....tired of trying to exercise, eat healthy, see people in order to look after 'me'.
Tired of having to accept that noone is going to save me but 'me'. Tired of thinking how nice it would be if someone did save me.
Frustrated that I have to accept I can't be in a relationship for a long time and I have to be on my own.
Exhausted by the thought of a all the self discipline I'm going to have to go through to professionally develop myself and to do interesting things.
I just hadnt realised how hard it is to be me.
Life keeps going keeping me busy...work..I'm a teacher...so endless functions and events..where i couldn't possibly let anyone down...Putting a smile on my face (teaching is in a way 'a performance')....I work in a private school..so i endlessly have to chat to parents, be up beat, positive...try to look immaculate....and it takes over and keeps me endlessly stressed....will i be good enough today? will I pull it off? are the kids in my class happy enough? did i make it nice enough for them?
I have to be so sociable...humourous, kind, entertaining, clever....
But its like playing a 'part'.
I have friends but I'm always quite conscience that they need a 'distance' from me...so I play the part again of being kind, light and 'not heavy going', open...but not too open.....funny and positive.
i'm just exhausted from being me.....tired of feeling confused...tired of waking up each morning with a feeling of dread and then having to re train my brain....tired of trying to exercise, eat healthy, see people in order to look after 'me'.
Tired of having to accept that noone is going to save me but 'me'. Tired of thinking how nice it would be if someone did save me.
Frustrated that I have to accept I can't be in a relationship for a long time and I have to be on my own.
Exhausted by the thought of a all the self discipline I'm going to have to go through to professionally develop myself and to do interesting things.
I just hadnt realised how hard it is to be me.
What I read in this post is a deep need to people-please on all levels, and that is what is incredibly exhausting.
Reshift your focus: teaching is about communicating information (ideally, in an exciting and accessible way -- the reward being that the students are interested and involved) and helping people to learn. But it's not babysitting. Not about making things "nice for them." That's your agenda, not theirs.
You are still people-pleasing with your friends, if you cannot be yourself. And not being yourself, by playing a role, is downright draining.
Me? I only want friends who are real. Those who are superficial or faking it -- I can see through that, and I don't trust them. I have only a few friends, but those are the relationships that are meaningful to me.
As to teaching, I understand wanting to be "liked." But that is like letting the kid run rampant through the house. Be there to instruct, to guide, to help, to educate. But don't be their friend. (you can be friendly, which is different). That's not your job.
Start honoring your needs more, stop worrying about others so much, and perhaps it won't be so difficult to be you :)
((HUGS))
Very exhausting.
As you & I know, the only way to get ahead in this world, is if we look to ourselves for our own validation. Easier said than done, I know. I sure as heck do know (I'm still working on that myself . . . .)
And who says you can't be in a relationship for a long time? what's that about?
I probably didn't explain well enough...I teach young kids but very bright...at my school we believe that if a kid has a good connection with the teacher and thoroughly enjoys coming to school, feels enthusiastic about it and happy, then we can teach them anything.....we have very small class sizes 10 roughly in a class...but there is a huge pressure on us to get the best results by the end of year and please (I know, not good) the parents who are paying a fortune for the school. A big part of the job is not just the academic side but 'sales'...selling the school to new parents and keeping the current parents happy. They get to behave as they like.....but I have to keep my professional face 'on'.
It just comes with the job and I know I'm lucky to have it.
Yes, for years I've been looking for people to validate me and it has to stop.
I feel I can't be in a relationship for a long time because I'm not sorted out and My last 3 relationships have all failed and I have selected 2 very extreme and horrible men. I put up with crap from them and hope it'll improve. I can't 'let go' - I've read the books 'women who love too much' etc.... I've got to be happy with me first.
thats the hardest bit!
I've learnt to switch off a bit better now....
Well, I had the same type of thoughts as amelah, but I can see where in a private school, there is more of a "sales" role. So, what do you think about all of it? I know it is still a tough economy, but are you actually happy in your role? If you are, then some detaching may help, because it sounds like the sales part comes with the territory.
If you really are not enjoying most of your position, you could think about what you would really love to do and work toward getting that position.
Hugs,
Shar