yes i can understand your feelings...people have their own plans often very self centered (in an unhealthy way) and this can leave us feeling very alone without our needs met i guess....im new at this but i can understand because a friend let me down so badly a few weeks ago and than just ignored me.......that helped throw me into a emotional crisis...there where other factors of course.
you are not alone please post some more.
lis

gosh, that sucks, tgb... My abandonment issues would definitely be triggered by each episode, but the sum of them would have me feeling low. I have experiences like this, which leave me spinning in no time flat. Thank you for posting...

I think I need to create a list of self-care things to do, for when these triggers arise. So I don't cave in on myself and allow other's actions to reflect my self-worth. I'll still experience the resonance of the echoed trigger, but if I look to my list and say, "Ok, pick 1 of these and do it. Now." I might be able to redirect my focus, brighten up my own day, and say, "Screw 'em."

And when they want to get together with me, I won't bend over to accommodate them like a puppy dog, but I won't get spiteful and say, "I'll show them!" What I'd probably do is ask them to please give me the courtesy of a "head's up" if they aren't going to be able to make it.

People can be very self-absorbed, unintentionally dismissing someone else because something else arose. They don't realize the impact of their actions.

When this happens with my best friend, I tell him, "Look, do me a favor. Next time, can you please give me a head's up because I was really looking forward to this. I'd appreciate that." We dialogue about it, and often is the case that it was something last-minute that was out of his control, that he couldn't have anticipated ... so I can stop taking it so personally and he agrees he'll try to give me that courtesy, when he can . . .

I hope that helps. Go do something for You today! :D ((HUGS))

Thank you, both replies helped me to not feel quite so alone..... I don't know why I feel so knocked back....I just seem to have lost my fighting (as in fighting for me) spirit today and just feel alone. I've done all the things I should..like organizing my house (it's amazing now,totally cleaned,cleared out) taking care of diet, exercise, joining clubs, phoning a friend, reading M.Beattie.....but I just feel a bit left behind by human kind today...maybe its because I couldn't get into my therapists office (builders had taped it off) last week and she's away for a few weeks. But thanks you guys..I appreciate it x

Hi there, I can relate very much to this. I also got myself into a tangle like this a couple of weeks ago. Thankfully, I had an appointment with my counsellor the next day (without the obstruction course!) and she helped me untangle some of the big knots so that I could think clearly once again.

I came across a couple of articles a few days afterwards that I realised would have been really helpful while I was in the midst of my tangle. I am posting the links here, not sure if they will apply or help but hopefully you will find something in there. Even if you don't focus too much on the PTSD stuff, I think there is some helpful info in there all the same.

For me, my family have always kind of treated me as though I am unimportant and don't matter, I am just brushed aside. Now I find that I am VERY sensitive to situations that make me feel unimportant and they trigger those old feelings again and I can now see that I am often actually reacting to the old stuff more than the current situation. We need to remind ourselves that we DO matter and we ARE important, even though other people might sometimes treat us as though we aren't. If people treat us this way, it says more about them than it does about us and it is NOT a reflection of our worth as a person. And sometimes we are reacting more strongly to these new situtations because we haven't dealt with the past stuff.

Know that you are worthy of love and attention- we need to believe this ourselves, despite how others treat us, we can't pin our self-worth on how other people treat us. You are NOT insignificant, you ARE worthy of people's time and attention. If you were to believe these things yourself, really believe them, then some of the things you have described above would not have anywhere near as big an impact as they do right now. I think this is more about what you believe about yourself, at least that is the definitely the case for me and my 'tangle' has highlighted that this is something that I really need to work on.

Give yourself some time, you are doing things to help yourself move past this- posting here, reaching out, therapy, you are moving through it, be gentle with yourself. I hope the articles help some, there are some really useful things in them- take the usefule bits and leave the rest. Good luch and take care :)

http://www.eastbaytherapist.org/news/article.html?eselect=detail&artid=105

http://www.eastbaytherapist.org/news/article.html?eselect=detail&artid=52

PS- sorry I don't know whether these will automatically become links or if you have to copy the addresses into your browser, I haven't figured out how to create links yet...

Thanks everyone. Leaf on the wind, they were really interesting articles. I think you 2 other guys are right too. I hate to admit I feel so 'worthless' and don't feel good at anything. The truth is that I've never been out of work, I've got post grad qualifications and work in one of the most acclaimed schools in the area........but I feel like someone made a mistake and very day I feel like someone will figure it out and sack me (just like in the articles) even if my boss just looks at me in a certain way. So, my friend and ex letting me down, just pushed me more into this mode of thinking. 'Here I am, alone, no one wants to be with me, I'm awful, worthless,ugly...' and much worse things went through my head. It's so tough.