Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I have been married for 7 years. My ex and I have been off & on for the past few years due to his cheating, lying, and acohol abuse. I just started reading a book called "Women Who Love Too Much" and I am learning about how my childhood has played such a big rold in my marriage and I didint even know it. My parents were alcoholics/drug addicts. I journaled about my thoughts on this book and on my marriage. If anyone who has knowledge on codependency wants to read or comment on my journals it would be appreciated. I think I am a codependent.
I was in only a couple of relationships, which brought up all of my childhood wounds and issues... it scared me how those relationships deteriorated because they played out the crap from my childhood ... Who knew? I remember reading somewhere that we are attracted to people in which our childhood needs & issues resurface, forcing us to revisit them in context of the adult relationship. I wish I could remember the name of that book -- it was pretty powerful reading...
Melodie Beatty's "Codependent No More" is truly the bible of codependency. It's a great starting point and can help shed a lot of light on darkened corners. Other ideas are to check out Al-Anon and ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics), since your parents and ex are addicts. It has huge influence on the way you perceive and deal with things... there are telephone meetings, online meetings, face-to-face meetings...
When my relationship was ending, I found a book on "Love Addiction" which was very helpful. If you go to amazon.com and keyword it, you'll come up with many, many titles.
Good Luck! And Keep Posting! Sounds like you're in the right place ((HUGS))
I think one of the things that we tend to do as adults when we have been raised in dysfunctional homes is that we judge ourselves very harshly. I can relate to a lot of what you were saying about being angry with yourself for 'taking so long to see these things', I have been there too, but do you know that some people from dysfunctional families NEVER actually become aware of these patterns? You are making some HUGE steps forward at the moment, and I hope one day soon you will give yourself credit for having the strength, open-mindedness and awareness to get to this point in the first place and be extremely proud of yourself because this is big and you have got here in one big jump! Be gentle with yourself.
Cheryt and amelah have given some really good suggestions above... Codependent No More is a great starting point, and I have learnt also so much by reading about Adult Children of Alcoholics, dysfunctional families, codependency. I have been amazed at how well I fit into the typical characteristics of ACOAs and becoming aware of and working through those patterns has helped me a lot.
Wishing you all the best on your journey of recovery :)