The agression towards people chosing to go about things differently from the way another may think seems a bit unwarranted. It's difficult to ask for opinions/help/experiences on these forums as it is without others being more closed-minded and harmful in their language than at the very least being fact-based and directive.

Problems arise, though, when others want us to see the world their way, or when we get disappointed that others don't see the world our way. This tendency of ours shows a lack of respect for the perspectives of others, and this lack of respect seems to have become the norm in our debates about politics, finances, environmental issues, education--you name it. And we spend a lot of time being stressed out and feeling bad because others simply don't see things our way; we try to plan ways to convince them to agree with us instead of saying quite simply, "Of course they don't see things our way--nor should they!"

We can make our lives much simpler and much more agreeable if we can keep in mind that another person's disagreement with us is simply that--a disagreement, and something that is completely natural. Sometimes we complicate life by reading things into another person's perspective that really isn't there. When we allow ourselves to try to understand another person's perspective rather than judging their actions based on our perspectives, then we can keep ourselves from trudging down the road of disappointment and judgment.

We can also help ourselves in our lives by remembering that our perspectives are not chiseled in stone--they're the result of dealings that we've had with other people, and things that we've learned from them. The fact that we've learned something from our parents, for example, doesn't make that something the gospel truth, and eventually we may meet someone else who teaches us something completely new that our parents never knew, and that changes our perspective significantly as long as we allow the changes to come.

Sometimes we get so caught up in what we think we want that we're unable--or we refuse--to see just how positive things are in our lives. Carol Burns points out that two people can look at each other or their situations and wish for what the other one has, while not keeping in mind that what they have is pretty positive, too. The person who is lonely and wishes for companionship doesn't keep in mind that the ability to be alone is something that others long for; those who are in relationships but long for the independence to spend time on their own, traveling or reflecting or doing some of the many other things that are best done on one's own, often undervalue the positive side of the relationship.

When we do realize that we shape reality by how we see it, we also realize that reality shifts in nature as our perspectives grow and develop, and that we can live in a beautiful world that is giving and caring just by changing the way that we see this world, and by accepting the fact that others see the same things that we do in completely different ways--and that's okay.

Tom Walsh