Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
I have given him chances many of times. Last i had to ask him to leave as he was using drugs in my house ( day after thanksgiving) and lied about it. Before that we agreed on 30 day No Contact from Nov25th to Dec 25th.
I blocked his numbers and routed emails to trash. He tried contacting me through his friends other emails but i didnt respond. He even sent a message from his phone to my email saying emergency but i didnt respond. I was doing my own recovery by reading books attending CoDA and best Loving myself and activities i do.
He stopped by on Sunday unannounced and rang my door bell. I saw him and ignored as i didnt want to deal with drama. Then he opened my garage somehow even though i changed the passcode and started grabbing things and putting in his car. I said you cant just walk in and do what you want and he didnt care. I went in locked all the doors and activated my alarm system.
Before i know it he banged my garage entrance door twice and broke into my house and i started calling 911. I never had strength to do that before thanks to recovery i had strength to stand up for myself.
Cops came and arrested him for criminal trespassing. they left him after few hours and asked to stay No contact with me until court date. Meanwhile he has his friends come and meet me to bargain about a car that i bought him on my name( Loan, insurance and registration all my name) which i took it back because i was really scared what mes hes going to create if i give him the car.
I didn't fall for the friends words so the guy himself contacted me through his friend apologizing and saying sorry and I love you. I did not regard any of his requests or love statements or sorry statements and said i cant be fooled again and this is too much to handle. I am not safe in my own house with the people whom i thought my own. I am sorry but i have moved on and moved on for me was falling in love with myself and left it there.
He tried several attempts to contact me through his friends again and i said i cant violate law by talking to him and next time if he talks to me i will call cops .
I filed for PFA. He sent a threatening mail to my brother about me he didn't care anything at all.
His Ex wife spoke to me and all those lies manipulations threw me off the wagon yesterday. Thanks to support system i have had for last 3 months i was immediately able to recover.
I feel good that i stood up for myself. I am also dissapointed on how i let all this happen. I did get carry away again when he said he loved me blah blah even though i stood there strong but later i felt bad and sad.
Now i feel guilty for the reason that i put him to criminal charges. Hopefully this wont ruin his career. Anyways learning everyday something new.
Great words from one of my CoDA members...
" Its not what he says, its how he behaves" He will tell words what you want to hear. See Melody Beattie - language of letting go Sept 3rd.
Word Power: September 3 I know Im controlling, but so is my husband. Possibly more controlling than I am. Each time I set out to leave him, each time I started to walk away, he knew exactly what to say to pull me back in. And he knew Id respond. He knew how to say exactly what I needed to hear to keep me where he wanted me. He knew what he was doing, and he knew what I would do. I know, because after we began recovering, he told me so. Anonymous
I am getting and feeling stronger everyday.... But why do i still feel something is not right?
I blocked his numbers and routed emails to trash. He tried contacting me through his friends other emails but i didnt respond. He even sent a message from his phone to my email saying emergency but i didnt respond. I was doing my own recovery by reading books attending CoDA and best Loving myself and activities i do.
He stopped by on Sunday unannounced and rang my door bell. I saw him and ignored as i didnt want to deal with drama. Then he opened my garage somehow even though i changed the passcode and started grabbing things and putting in his car. I said you cant just walk in and do what you want and he didnt care. I went in locked all the doors and activated my alarm system.
Before i know it he banged my garage entrance door twice and broke into my house and i started calling 911. I never had strength to do that before thanks to recovery i had strength to stand up for myself.
Cops came and arrested him for criminal trespassing. they left him after few hours and asked to stay No contact with me until court date. Meanwhile he has his friends come and meet me to bargain about a car that i bought him on my name( Loan, insurance and registration all my name) which i took it back because i was really scared what mes hes going to create if i give him the car.
I didn't fall for the friends words so the guy himself contacted me through his friend apologizing and saying sorry and I love you. I did not regard any of his requests or love statements or sorry statements and said i cant be fooled again and this is too much to handle. I am not safe in my own house with the people whom i thought my own. I am sorry but i have moved on and moved on for me was falling in love with myself and left it there.
He tried several attempts to contact me through his friends again and i said i cant violate law by talking to him and next time if he talks to me i will call cops .
I filed for PFA. He sent a threatening mail to my brother about me he didn't care anything at all.
His Ex wife spoke to me and all those lies manipulations threw me off the wagon yesterday. Thanks to support system i have had for last 3 months i was immediately able to recover.
I feel good that i stood up for myself. I am also dissapointed on how i let all this happen. I did get carry away again when he said he loved me blah blah even though i stood there strong but later i felt bad and sad.
Now i feel guilty for the reason that i put him to criminal charges. Hopefully this wont ruin his career. Anyways learning everyday something new.
Great words from one of my CoDA members...
" Its not what he says, its how he behaves" He will tell words what you want to hear. See Melody Beattie - language of letting go Sept 3rd.
Word Power: September 3 I know Im controlling, but so is my husband. Possibly more controlling than I am. Each time I set out to leave him, each time I started to walk away, he knew exactly what to say to pull me back in. And he knew Id respond. He knew how to say exactly what I needed to hear to keep me where he wanted me. He knew what he was doing, and he knew what I would do. I know, because after we began recovering, he told me so. Anonymous
I am getting and feeling stronger everyday.... But why do i still feel something is not right?
You did the right thing and I believe the sadness you feel and feeling something isnt right may come from having to do this to someone who meant a great deal to you at some point :-) and I understand how hard it is on you but it's the only way to get the point across. Best wishes in your recovery.
The Real Problem My problem begins now.
He is trying to reach my brother and passing me messages to withdraw all cases against him (Criminal and Protection from Abuse).
He apparently is ready to do anything I want and he doesnt want these cases be a problem for his career and may loose his son to his Ex- wife for full custody.. It may be right I have done some research on PFA.
Mostly i am pretty strong that i should stick to truth and stand up until the end as the way i started but this FOG is killing me ( Fear, Obligation and Guilt) .. My Permanant PFA hearing is due on Dec 15th. Any words of advice is much appreciated.
hold on my sister. he won't loose his life over growing up, it seems like it is about time that he does.
At this point of time I want to protect my inner child and stand up for it has been the driving motivation.. Past few days and future few days will be a roller coaster of codependency and fighting codependency and recovery all in a go...
I am powerless over others, I am powerless over decision Judge might make but atleast i am not powerless over protecting my inner child.This is what gives me strength. And the fact that I am truthful to myself is another great strength. Wishing myself all the strength god can give to stand for what is right .