Some of the things in that list of singlewv2011's are uncomfortable reading for me, personally, but I would LOVE to reach the point where I could do them comfortably because I think they're good guidelines.
Especially 'Love is speaking the truth' (even when it's not pretty or it might upset someone), 'Love is not enabling unhealthy behaviors in others', and 'Love is walking away from people who repeatedly hurt us.'

I think love can be tough, as in it's not always about doing what will make ourselves or other people superficially happy all the time. That's part of what makes it so hard for us codeps! We've been trained in or fallen into the pattern of adjusting ourselves to others' needs, thinking that that is the way love is expressed. Hence, 'Love is something we DO, not something we FEEL.' For example, if you have to leave someone for them to be happy, then you've got to do it even if it makes you UNhappy, cos that's love...

This is exactly what I am having problems with, I live by those rules, my husband on the other hand sees me as unemotional, as not caring enough if I don't call all the time, if I don't think I need to know everything, if I don't give him what he needs, when he needs it! I thought love is a choice to give without any insistance that a person satisfy you! When there is too much push, a person pulls away!

KMR2000 - I had same issue too, but working on myself and putting my needs first. This is what is important for me right now. At a spiritual level we came to this world alone and we die Alone. Everything else is how we lived loved our life without regrets.
If he pulls away and he has found others to date than its never meant to be. Holding on to a relationship that always DEMANDS or CONFLICTS with your interests is worth loosing than keeping. In this case according to me LOVE shouldn't matter.

Everyone has different ideas of what love is, but I think it's a feeling that is called for or isn't called for depending on the other person's mood and dependency.

We've got to know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em. In the case of a relationship, we've got to know when it is required to hold the other person tightly and when to let 'em go to explore their own space. This is coupled with and veiled by our own needs of course.

Two people finding compatible emotional makeup: It's a miracle two people can exist together and get along at all!

i love all of the comments. i really struggle with some of these, especially knowing when to let go. but it is part of me being codependent. i know that it isn't good for me in the current state, but i am holding on to a fantasy.

while working on myself and learning to value and love myself more i am setting boundaries, which help.

i have a loooooooooooooooong way to go.