Codependency Support Group
Codependency is defined as someone who exhibits too much, and often inappropriate, caring for another person's struggles. A codependent person may try to change, or feel shame about their most private thoughts and feelings if they conflict with the other person's struggles. If you are on a journey towards self-love, this support group is for you. Join us and find others...
Just wondering what anyone's response would be in my situation. My H is always making nasty little comments about me, for example, this morning he told me I was 'barking mad' because I didn't understand something he was trying to tell me. His words hurt, mainly because he only says critical comments about me, never anything positive. I called him on it and he told me that I shouldn't take his comments to heart and that he doesn't want to be on a relationship where he has to watch what he says for fear of his partner taking offense and that I need to learn to just laugh it off. So I thought 'ok, maybe that's something I could try to do for the sake of the relationship.' but later in the day I came home to find our 10 year old boy in tears because my H told him he was fat. Yes, he has weight issues and is very sensitive about it. He was extremely hurt by this comment. I can't just laugh it off when I see my kids upset by his comments. Do you think it is reasonable to say whatever you like and expect others to just brush it off? Is it reasonable to set limits on what he can say to me and the kids ie, no hurtful or personal comments? What would you do in my situation?
It's no one's fault except the person who speaks it. There are other ways to helps someone become better or in your case lose weight. Plans of action and actually talking is the best route, not name calling.
I can't say what to do, I know I left my relationship because of multiple reasons and that being one of them, not realizing the effect their words have on the kids. Let alone me, led to emotional and mental abuse because I listened to it for so long I started to believe it. Good luck to you.
I do not think it is reasonable to say every mean thing that pops into your head with the excuse of "just being me" or one that I find beyond irritating is "just being hones" (like in the case of your son). Personally, I think kindness trumps honesty in those type of situations. And when someone has an issue, they are aware of it. No one needs to point it out.
I hope you can convince your husband to get some counseling, if you want to stay in your marriage What you describe is verbal abuse. It will not improve by ignoring it. Sometimes silence is seen as form of validation, too - if we do not object, it may signal agreement. I am quite sure you do not want to send that message to your husband about yourself or your children.
Good Luck! It sounds like your husband is not very interested in curbing his abuse, but perhaps he will become more interested if you lay down the law so to speak. I grew up in similar circumstances of a verbally abusive father, and it was very damaging. I am still working on healing years later.
Shar
Scars that if left untreated will follow them through the rest of their life.
This is your choice. This is your awakening. Please, DO Not sleep through this ugly nightmare that can and will only get worse for everyone.