You repeat the phrase " I wasted my money" 3 times. In other posts you always bring up lack of money. What does money have to do with anything? If you had a million dollars cash on you right now, would you go score some and feel better about it? And if this is really your last fling, then the money was very well spent, not wasted at all. Too bad you didn't come on this Daily Strength board right when you were deciding to use and allow us to work you through it. Why not? Relapse is the most fascinating aspect of addiction. Always kept secret and mentioned after the fact. Lay it all out, how the thought came about, the motivation to go out and get it, and what and with who you did it with. All very important to expose our relapse triggers to the light of day. Bottom line, you did what you wanted to do. Nothing wrong with that. And instead of costing money, if someone paid you to do cocaine, would you still do it? If I sent you a couple thousand dollars, would you please do some cocaine with it? See what I mean, recovery is not about the money. You should feel blessed that God has not allowed you to have enough money to really hurt yourself. Really rich people have a way worse time with addiction, the money never runs out and the damage is immense.

I understand why you repeated the wasted money phrase.It's simple.That is what you can concentrate on,the other aspects of relapse are more than you wish to deal with.
It is also the foot in the door the disease uses to make you feel disconnected from the fact that you used.
It makes you feel like crap about part of the problem,not THE problem.When they say the disease is cunning,baffling and insidious this is the exact situation which encompasses all 3.
It has lessened the dramatics of using and placed lost money as your priority worry.
Get the picture ? Your disease gets it and that is precisely why it is a blurred picture.
Keep coming back no matter what.

you may have wasted you money on drugs, however the problem is bigger. I believe you will make another pipe, and call another dealer when you become stressed again.

you are right you can not change the past, but you can change the way you think! that is you real problem. Your thinking is fractured. The disease of addiction is not about wasting your money it is a behavior associated with the using and finding ways to get more. If you have not already you will be selling your soul to the dealer for a rock, or half of rock!

Honey until you surrender, you will continue to waste your money, and life. I believe/know that ANY ADDICT CAN LOSE THE DESIRE TO USE, AND FIND A NEW WAY TO LIVE..........GOOD LUCK BIG HUG

hey you definatley can have a better future I can understand why people have given you feedback on its more than just financial consequences. But I can also related to thinking that one time myself, thinking crap i've spent all my money on coke and what am i meant to eat now, how am i meant to pay my rent, i was always moving house because i was a rubbish tennant. But for me to see just small part of my chaotic life was a start to my road of recovery. It took me a long time to step out of denial and see what the problem was ...and it was me, i was ill and i had a diesease - i learned it was less about the drug and more about my insane behaviour.

But I only started getting out of the insanity of addiction and started seeing the truth by going to NA and AA meetings and listening to other recovering addicts share thats how i learned the truth about myself and found a way out of the vicious cycle of using.

Because on my own i couldnt see myself as ill, i couldnt see i was killing myself slowly, i couldnt see the hurt i was causing my family and friends, i couldnt see how i was hurting myself. Once i understood i had a problem i could get the solution. on my own i really am nothing

Thats what I said about 100 time. Now I am about to lose my house. I am sitting here frezzing my but off because I cant pay the heating bill.
Get help before you lose it all or lose your life.

I have been there so many times! So I am in no position to judge you. But by the grace of God, I do have over 100 days clean! How has it been going since 12/2?

@bhaktamichael ~ I didn't call my dealer and i didn't buy a new pipe. I gave someone a ride that decided to buy some to smoke and I did use. The one thing I have never done is ask my HP for help and I am doing that now. I m also not taking calls from anyone that uses any type of drugs. I have also made myself an unusual ring and several times a day I touch it and repeat an affirmation to not use.

So far so good!

6 days sober!!!!!! The big plus is that My mom gave me 40 bucks yesterday and I didn't use.

Normally the first thing i did when i have money in my wallet i would call my dealer and i didn't. I didn't even think about using that is a ig plus for me!

Hope the best for you. Hang in there kid!

Peace

I know its tough, especially the first weeks, try and stay busy, and good for you!!! good luck and take care of you

All the people I have associated with are all users of somesort of cocaine. This one person was getting someone ans I was grateful that he had other plans. If he came over I woukd have used but I didn't.

So today for today I am sober! Oneday at a time

congrats on another day clean hope your doing alright today. I think it says in some literature that if we need to be spiritually well to be around people who drink or use. To be honest id rather not be around it at all anymore and i tend to look at how spiritually well i am when im around people who can drink normally. It only take one drink or drug to be in our system and we can have the insanity of using back with full power and some of us may not be lucky to come back from that ive seen plenty who have died or gone to prison or just not made it back im the lucky one

keep reaching out big love to ya x

I WANTED to use today but my Higher Power made it impossible to get a fix. At first I was pissed, but in the end I was glad I didn't blow my 12 days of sobriety. In the car I just thinking about what lie I was going to tell people, it was then that i realized I am grateful I'm still sober!

so happy for you. one day at a time :) and keep calling on your higher power. are you going to any meetings?

happy for you that you didnt use, its not easy in the early day have you got anyone in recovery number to call if your in that situation again? i would also suggest talking it over with your sponsor even though you didnt relapse if you thought it was a good idea then that can be important to talk over - well in my experience it has been. it happened to me a few times in my early recovery and it was because i had reservations that i thought i could get away with using one more time which i cannot it will kill me