You guys are about the most sincere friend group I have right now, so I thought I would share something somewhat life-changing that has come up recently. I was asked a few days ago if I'd like to take the place of a sailor onboard an aircraft carrier here who wants a duty swap for personal reasons. It's a rare opportunity for people in my rate (job) to be a part of the ship's company. I said yes, because I had originally been looking forward to doing some traveling outside of the states during my time in the Navy.

However, I do have a lot of mixed feelings about it, wondering if I am doing the right or smart thing, if I wouldn't be better off and happier staying on shore duty. There's two hospitals here where I could volunteer with craniofacial departments, and apparently Operation Smile has quite a presence here. One of the hospitals is a Naval Hospital too. So this is a great place to start working with cleft folks, which is kinda my major source of inspiration and goal in life, at the moment anyways. Honestly I've been quite the hermit since I've been here, but have been getting more motivation to go out and buy a new car. Then getting to volunteer appointments wouldn't be so inconvenient and presumably my overall quality of life would improve a bit.

Really I'm just kinda complacent, in a comfort zone and not wanting to buckle down and start tackling the changes surrounding this move onboard the ship, which might be as sudden as next month. But that's a big reason why I said yes, so it would get me out of my comfort zone. However it's one thing to verbally commit to something that will take you out of your comfort zone and another thing to then actively adapt once you are past the point of no return!

The biggest challenge for me I expect would be social I've gotten fond of having privacy again since I've been here, since I got lucky with my own barracks room. It's not the rule in the military, and especially not on a ship! Also, I'm just not very outgoing and don't like the feeling of being alone in a crowd already have that here on shore duty, but have had some time to get used to people and the section I work with now I actually like a lot. However there a whole lot of people onboard a carrier, and I might make some surprisingly good connections. My best friend is somebody I met seven years ago during a college orientation dinner, when I just sat down next to somebody who seemed interesting.

I almost feel a little shoehorned into making this choice, as if there is some culturally implanted idea that I have to go for the choice that offers more adventure, when part of me isn't convinced I'm not better off here. The only person I've heard say anything supporting the idea that I'd be better off not going was relating something another AG had told him, that he got used for the menial labor and hated his time underway. However, I've learned that everyone's experience is subjective and this contradicts what I've heard from most other people, that AG's have it easier than most on a ship. And maybe a positive attitude can just adapt to any difficulty.

I can't seem to talk myself out of wanting to go, yet can't shake these nagging doubts either. I suppose it might boil down to self-doubt. I feel I would probably be enriched by this bona fide "Sailor" experience, and indirectly that might make me better later at working with people regarding facial differences. It's just, well, a bit scary to be honest. Life involves dealing with change and all, but sometimes you wish it would feed the changes one at a time and as you're ready for them.

I saw this quote (no author was credited) on somebody's facebook recently: "Courage isn't the absence of fear, but rather the realization that there are things more important than fear." Just trying to keep in mind what those things are... if anybody has any ideas, it'd be much appreciated...