That's a really good question. I have asked myself this question many times when I was trying to put myself in the place of the girls that I liked but never gave me a chance. Having been born with cleft and having faced so much prejudice and learning the importance of looking past through one's appearence I can say that hell yeah I would definitely give someone with a cleft a chance. But I don't know for sure how I would be if I hadn't learnt the lessons I learned in this life. I imagine it can be hard to them to understand how we feel.

This is a very good topic within the cleft community. As much as id hate to admit it I think I wouldn't date someone with a cleft. the reason why I wouldn't? I dont know why I just feel that maybe because I still havent accepted myself being born with a cleft. And as a woman it is so hard to accept being born with a cleft. I fear of having children because i dont want a child of mine living with a cleft. Selfish of me to say but for that reason i feel it has affected my love life. Im working on it but it is a daily struggle of trying to live life as "normal" as possible but is hard to do that when you get stares from men and hard to believe when you get a compliment. I feel that people pitty me and i hate that.

I've thought on this & where I find myself is I'd think people would see me dating someone with a cleft as well as a sign I couldn't get someone "notmal". How wrong is that? I mean like mentioned I know the looks & the stares. It's a rough topic. But we have to look inward to find our peace. More so then most I've always thought.

That's normal. Darn phone.

The day I meet a girl with a cleft who I also find attractive (those two are not at all mutually exclusive) my plan is to talk to her ASAP. I would love to date somebody who could relate about it from personal experience, although I certainly don't intend to limit myself.

Everybody's at different levels of comfort with it. As far as approaching the 18-ish girl you saw, I would say that it is always okay to affirm somebody's worth and try to improve their day. Sometimes "are you ok?" can be an awkward question though, even if the person looks down. I actually had a very awkward moment last week with my boss (who is also a friend outside of work) when he asked if I was okay in a public part of the store. I really wasn't, had a lot of stress going on with my school and work schedule, and I think the ensuing conversation in private might have been less awkward if he hadn't surprised me with that question like he did. So, tact is very important.

I used to think there would be an issue of being embarrassed for "settling" for another cleftee individual when we were seen together. But, I feel confident enough now in my, er, cleftee identity that I don't think it would have to be an issue. It would just be a matter of shared experience, and I'd have no problem telling anybody with a case of the snickers why it makes perfect sense for them to go f**k themselves, figuratively speaking...

I did some research for a presentation on cleft last semester and I learned some figures about genetics. This was my primary source: http://cleftline.org/docs/Booklets/GEN-01.pdf. Depending on the occurrence of cleft in your family tree, your chance of having a cleftee child could range from 2% to 12%. It doesn't talk about the chances for two parents with clefts, though. I think it might be higher, as I have heard of entire families who have the condition. Personally, I have always been open to adoption, but, if I had a stable relationship with another person I could see myself being okay with having a biological child, even if my partner had a cleft too. Under stable and positive conditions of support, I think a cleftee child can be raised with minimal negative issues. But, I doubt that is the path I will wind up taking.

Yes I would date someone else w a cleft. We r "normal" too. As far as being a woman w a cleft, I feel weird if I wear a certain amount of make up. I feel like I am covering up something that really does not need to be covered up. It is there and when the make up comes off--guess what--it is going to be there. I feel attractive like this despite what society is telling not only ppl w clefts but everyone that they have to b "perfect" to "qualify". There have actually been studies suggesting that people who r born w some sort of physical defect actually have higher self esteems and view themselves much more fairly than those who did not.

interesting fact, giggles. It does make sense though.

I'm not sure, as I'm still trying to accept myself. But if I do, I probably would and it would be great. I'm new, btw

Good to have you brother. It can be a hard decision...thats for sure. All the usual relationship stuff plus the cleft on top of it.

I don't know...I don't think I'd date someone only due to also having a cleft. It would be nice to have more common ground than that. That doesn't mean I would avoid it though, it'd depend on the person.