totally im alot more sensitive to jokes, and alot of time when someones laughing or smiling, my protector/anxiety kicks in and thinks its something sinister about my cleft. I think we're just alot more guarded socially because of our experiences. Why the question? are hopeing to get some tips on how to be more trusting of people?

I wouldn't say I'm looking for tips on how to trust people more. I do tend to have trouble keeping conversations going and being outgoing in general, and I think part of the reason is that there's a lot of trash talking that goes on in the military (way more than I imagined from the outside) and I'm usually somewhat on the alert. So maybe it does have to do with trust, but more specifically I just have trouble relating and "selling myself". I think a lot of it is I'm just a lot more idealistic and philosophically minded than most.

Other than that, I don't think it's specifically something I've seen discussed on the forum before and could be an interesting conversation. Success or failure in social life really has to do with how you carry yourself. This is why I think we should be proud to a certain extent that we have endured so much that beyond what most people's experience, yet still (so far as I've seen) have good will toward other people. I don't think it makes me better than anybody else. But if anyone tries to shame me about it, I try to reflect shame at them presuming to scorn something they don't begin to understand, just as a way of standing up for myself.

I think it would help me to be less paranoid about people judging me by my face. I honestly have no idea how many people realize I've had any medical work done whatsoever on my face. One of the most ironic symptoms of this is that sometimes I don't now if a girl is staring at me because she thinks I'm attractive or if she wonders what the scars are about (or, weirder, some of both). I think the answer to this kind of social paranoia is just to become bolder and more outgoing. Maybe analyzing it makes it worse, but I think having some technique is often helpful.

I am a huge prankster and I tell a lot of jokes, so it doesn't bother me that much when people crack jokes or make fun of me, unless it's directed at my cleft. Then I take it really personal. But I always figured if I can make people laugh, then hopefully it will distract them from my face and show them that I am a "normal" person with a fun personality. I like the funny, good-natured jokes, but when the jokes are mean-spirited and make people feel uncomfortable, then it makes me feel uneasy because I know what it's like to be the butt of cruel jokes and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I wouldn't call myself sensitive anymore because any sensitivity I did have disappeared a long time ago. Not only did I have to deal with teasing in school and in public, but I also had to face it at home...which is as unimaginable as it sounds.

My ability to make people laugh has always helped with any social awkwardness and I've learned to just embrace being awkward...it's great joke material for me. Being social is hard for everyone and people acted shocked when they see how outgoing I can be and I think it helps others break out of their shell.

I haev a diferent problm with jokes - Im AS so usuly unles Iv hear the joke exctly as it was befoer, I dont know its a joke and taek it seriosly, which can reslt in me goin on offensive and disturbng peple befoer im told it was just a joke. Othrewise, if I know its a joke, Im fine with them as long as coems from someone I know - if it come from someone I dont kno, though, whther cleft relateed or not, Im liable to get in thire face and if they dont apologis, usuly end up in a punchout - generly a stranger makin a joke about me is intended to be for thire entertinment, not mine. Hasnt alwys landed me in good spots as consquence but I have problms with impulse and anger.

I am more protective of others than I am of myself because I can cut a person down better than they could ever get me. Learned the art of shit talking at an early age from my father. I never had a problem fitting in as I have always been pretty outgoing.

Also if somebody makes fun of my cleft I dont consider it a joke I consider it a personal attack and react accordingly.

It is always interesting to me to hear how others have dealt with difficulties such as this. It is something we have all experienced, but we choose to deal with it in many different ways. I find myself at times using my cleft as an icebreaker, making myself the focal point of a joke. I have found over the years that I can be rather rude toward people. I suppose that I could try to use the fact that I endured a lot of teasing while growing up as an excuse, but at some point we must take responsibility for who we are and what we do. As strange as it sounds, in some ways I have become the kind of person I hated most as a child, I just pick different targets. I sometimes go to far when I feel I'm putting someone in their place. This is when I will turn a comment toward myself to lighten the situation.

I am an extremely sensitive person. When I was younger not only did people tease me because of my cleft, I am 5'10 now and was always taller than everyone else, so I got teased because of that. And I always felt very ackward. I still feel ackward at times, but I know this has made me overly sensitive. People say one little thing about me and I am having a pity party. Even when I am around people who are talking about someone else and making fun of people I feel so uncomfortable it just really bothers me because I know how it feels to be the one being teased and feeling humiliated.

There is a little dust on this old bottle and I can't remember a time that I have taken offense since I was in my early 20's. Growing up was horrible because I hadn't had my repairs yet. I worked hard to get the right surgeries and speech therapy so I think I'm in a different space than many on here who are still working on it. I do like to make people laugh but that came after I had my repairs. I still say the best ice breaker is to get people to talk about themselves and then ask questions. Eventually they ask you and you have a chance to tell them about your own walk with a major birth defect. I find that most people admire what I have been through and most don't notice because I have become good at communicating and engaging others. I love to tell stories! I know my voice isn't perfect but what people listen to is your confidence and competence.

It's funny, when I was a kid and some one would say something about my lip I would punch them in the face. I had no tolerance. Now that I am older I am hypersensitive and I tend to run away and lament. I guess life just beat me down over time....
I agree with you Jon Snyder, in social situations I most often can't tell why a person is staring at me. I've had people that eventually came close with tell me that it wasn't the case in the least, but others I am sure that it is. I ran into a quote the other day and I wrote it on a piece of paper and pinned it above my computer to remind myself to stay positive:

"Whatever you hold in your mind on a constant basis is exactly what you will experience in your life." Anthony Robbins

I think it's helping, maybe you can find meaning in it too :)

Cspot that is so true. I have shared on here many times that I have a younger sister who excelled and was even on stage and a cheer leader with an unrepaired cleft. These days child protective services would not have allowed that to happen. Nonetheless, it was a good lesson that often times it is not what others think of us, but what we think of ourselves that affects how people look at us! You might say I followed in my younger sister's footsteps!

I thought I was the only one like this, but I also tend to be a bit paranoiac with people. Even last year, when I heard somebody laughing in the street or wherever (especially younger teens), I always felt like punching them.
Now just I tell to myself that they have no reason to laugh about me and that they can go "huck" themselves if they are lol.
However, I still feel very sensitive dealing with new people, I always fear appearing stupid,etc...