Please insecure I hope you reconsider. Yes you have expressed how much pain you have been in for a long time, however I do not believe ending your life is the answer. Rose you have become a good friend to so many of us here....you do have such a loving heart. This will not end your torment....please Rose try to hang on and stay with us.
I care about you girlfriend. Very much.
xxxxxxxxx

God did not make every seed to be a rose. If He did what would we eat ,there would be no nourishment and we would all parish..
You just have to decide to get up and get back into life.Weather it is a little at a time or full force. I have been there and I had the same Question . I sat on a hill in a cemetery near Hank Williams grave and ask myself the same . I sat there a long time and I keep looking off that hill and i did not understand that God was showing me were to go . I chose to fight. ,I went there a many a times and every time I found myself looking at the same place.
It took a year to find out what I was looking at . In that time i was invited to a church and the funny thing is that if I go to that hill today It is the way that I was looking . I found nourishment and after a few mouths I started to help others .That was a big step . Now I have 300-500 teenagers every Wednesday and you will find out that there are a lot of people that are like us and need help . I have found that I need them as much as they need me. Yes it was a big step and i had a thousand questions or reasons not to.
It was something that I loved to do before I had the trauma. I am getting better and now i have a lot of people that support me. God is your nourishment and your strength . He will forgive all that ask .

WHY DON'T YOU TURN D-DAY INTO B-DAY THE DAY THAT YOU STARTED TO READ YOUR BIBLE AND LET GOD TAKE ON THE LOAD THAT YOU ARE FIGHTING WITH.

Insecure,

I am so sorry you are in such a dark place right now, and I am very afraid for you.
I have had my days where i felt it was the best thing to do, but I have also had a few times where it wasn't just a thought but becoming an action.

I read your message loud and clear.

you are right when you say without love we cannot grow and become.....
but you do realize there are people in this particular forum Clarity that do Love you and continue to love you more and more the longer and more we get to know you. Sometimes we don't have the answers, but we do feel the pain you feel. There are times when I get goosebumps reading what you say because it feels like reading something i would have wrote myself. We do try to help, we do feel your pain or at least I do because I hope that by doing so, it will relieve you of some of it.

You have a lot of pain and hurt inside of you girlfriend, there are layers and layers there that is gonna take us time to help you slowly peal away and each layer gets tougher to remove.....the closer you get to some sort of peace. We will be here for you and help you through this NO MATTER how much time this takes.
it's hard for you to see any positive, love, good, progression, because there is so much hurt there. but all these things are there you have to believe me.
I don't know what it was that stopped me when I had a few experiences with wanted to end things for myself.... to this day cannot find that answer but I really believe my soul had something to do with it, maybe it spoke to me silently because I am still here, there is a reason we have all come to this great big earth and even if you don't see it or know it there is a place for you in it and you have to keep fighting.

You cannot stop fighting. please reconsider because you are not making the right choice. We cannot give up on ourselves because we are the most valued and important thing that we have. It doesn't seem that way, and we hurt over other people...situations, etc. but we are our single most valued gift. If you are feeling as strongly about this as it feels please go to the hospital and get yourself some help and rest from things so you can come back to everyone here. We want to share that day with you when you can just log on eventually and say...I feel pretty good today everyone, and you will get there.

I have been dealing with so many issues for a very long time as well. I have been abused and abandoned since i was a really young girl. I never thought there was hope for me to ever be happy again or have any quality type or life because I burried myself alive just from the pain......but I have found some peace and happiness after years of not giving up and fighting for myself. You will get here too and I know it doesn't seem like it will happen but time is a great healer. Do I still have bad days oh yes....but more good ones than bad and they are sooo worth living for. You can grow and you are growing you have to see that.....please do not hurt yourself in any way we are here to go through this with you, I will feel that hurt with you and I hurt for you.
you are such a beautiful person it is just hard for you to see what others see in you and I think you are more of a fighter than you give yourself credit for. you have to start giving yourself a pat on the back and let the positive things in, it will only help you. please go get yourself some help you need help and I am afraid for you. You are stronger than this and worth much more than this,
We are holding onto you...so reach out to us and hold on too. Grab tight. Do not let this be the end of you.
Even if we all here do not know each other in person...we have all been sharing our pains together, helping each other and when you share and help and feel.....you end up with love for those people. We are some of your closest confidants and we do love you and want to see you get better. Wounds heal slowly.

Don't hurt yourself,
I love you and I am keeping you in my thoughts today and trying to send all my strength your way so you can get through this.
I am with you today in spirit, you are not alone woman!

you need to let some type of spirituality in or talk more with God like Winndi said, let him start carrying some of that burden. In the meantime go to a hospital if you do not trust yourself today, please.

xoxo

Please insecure I hope you reconsider. Yes you have expressed how much pain you have been in for a long time, however I do not believe ending your life is not the answer. Rose you have become such a good friend to so many of us here....you do have such a loving heart. This will not end your torment....please Rose try to hang on and stay with us.
Winndi and Sini express themselves much more eloquently that I, however please know how much I care.
As Sini says go to the hospital, allow someone to help you today.
xxxxxxxxx

Depression creates temporary feelings.. they do not last forever.. a year may seem like forever... yet it is not... it took a long time for me to become well...

Please do not give up...

Suicide is never the answer.. getting help is always the answer...

please consider calling a "hope" line under the crises hotlines blue tab at t

the bottom of this page..

I know you don't know me.. but I still care... I truly do.. RaeFx knows me well.

I have personally spoken to the hope hotline.. they are professionals and help.. they will not call 911 or the police or anything..

What do you have to loose?

Sending thoughts of help your way,

Sandi

talk to me mate
you can't leave me here with all this stupid rational un-suicidal peoples
damn them and their happiness

what about our top secret misery pact?

it'll be a rubbish pact on me own without you :(

Insecure.... I know we don't really know each other, but I want you to know that I DO CARE ....and from the other comments here, you are loved and I hope you will reach out for the help you need and I am so sorry you are in so much pain. Please please don't give up..........

Gaye

i hope that you are ok....you are a special person and a special friend please hang in there. Iknow its hard.. depression is hard but we have to haNg in there...you have to hang in there. hugs sweeti.

Rose...there are a lot of people who care, so much, for you.

You've been so swallowed up, since being here, I really haven't gotten a chance to know you...on a level that I would like to see. I'm interested in your life and, in particular, how you got to this position.

Sini could not have said any better...our exact sentiments and exhortations.

I sent you a personal message, but I want to add my support here as well. Please, keep yourself safe, no matter what you have to do. We understand how hard life can be, but things can get better. Hugs and love.

and more hugs and love here to

xxx

and here...

xx

just popping in to let you know I am still thinking and worrying about you,
could you let us know if you are okay, you don't have to say much just let us know you are safe.
And read what everyone here is saying to you over and over until the message sinks in and the bad fades out.

p.s. still stalking you spiritually today....thought I was going somewhere did ya? ;)

I am way to much of a rebel to give up on something I believe in and I believe in you !!

Insecure, I know you have been in a lot of pain, but suicide is not the answer. It's hard to see any light in all the darkness, so please, let our concern and love, serve as the light to guide you to a safer harbor. Thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers!! XXOO

Please, let us know you are safe!!

I don't know your story. I am fairly new to this group. However I can tell you as the daughter of a Mother who committed suicide. It has been over 10 years and I am still devistated.

I will share my story with you, and hope that it will help you in some way. Please know that people love you, there is hope. If you just find something or someone to live for, if only for today, and repeat that until you have passed through this tough period.

Here is my story with my mother. This is actually my jounal from June 25, 2007.

My biological Mother was a troubled person. She came from a family with two alcoholic , abusive parents. (Grandpa died 12 years ago, Grandma has been sober for 25 years now) My Aunt was raped my their Uncle (my Grandpa's Brother) and became pregnant. Anyway, you get the picture. So, my Dad married her, and then adopted my sister, and shortly after I came. My Dad was away in the Navy and was stationed in South Carolina. So there she was 18 years old, with two children (my sister was severely ill) in a strange town with no support, and my Dad was sent out to sea for a 6 month tour. When I was 8 months old, I had 7 broken ribs, we went to foster care. Our foster parents let our Mother come get us, with the understanding that if she ever gets overwhelmed again all she has to do is call and they will come take care of us until she feels she can handle it. I had broken ribs 4 other times before I was 2 1/2 years old. Not to mention all of the bruises etc. When I was 2 1/2 years old my parents divorced and my Grandparents came and picked us up from foster care because once again my Dad was called for another 6 month tour. During the time I was two till I was 15 my Dad never said a negative word about her. She was just not well enough to take care of us. Was the worst he ever said about her. Anyway, just before my 15th birthday, my sister was making a big fuss about not knowing her Mother, I don't know what all was said but the next thing I know my parents had gotten our Grandmother's phone # out and my sister was calling it. Our Grandmother gave my sister our Mother's phone #. So my sister called the number, and our Mother answered. Our Mother lived 3 hours drive away from us this whole time! Up until this point, I really hadn't thought about contacting our Mother. I was quite content having the good image of her that I had, and living life the way it was. So we made plans with our Mother to visit with her the day after my 15th birthday. We were only allowed 2 hours with her, my Dad I now know was just trying to be causcous. We had a fabulous first two hours. We took a lot of pictures. As time went on we saw her for longer and longer periods of time. On our first over night with her we stayed at her Aunts house just an hour from our house. My sister pressed her on why she did what she did, and why she didn't contact us all of these years. Our Mother fully admitted that it was her decision to not have contact with us, she was ashamed of what she had done, and the more time that passed the harder it was to try to re-establish contact. She thought we would be better off without her. We had a great conversation that day, and as far as I was concerned all was forgiven. After that we got to go to her house, and visit for whole weekends, we had a great time! I recorded songs on an audio tape for her, before each song I had explained what each song meant to me, and why I liked it. I also recorded my playing the piano just so that she could learn more about me. She sent an audio tape back say that she loves me and always has. This is what that tape says:

Becca Lynn I am sitting on the floor by the stereo. I am going to go through the entire tape with you, there are a lot of good songs on here, and these tapes are very precious to me, but not as precious as you are. Before I start this tape I want you know how much I love you, I want you to know you are very special to me, and I am very proud of you. I would never trade you for nothin in this world. You are my precious and very special brown eyed baby. I think you are a beautiful young lady who will go far, and I think you will accomplish a lot. Nothing and nobody could ever replace you Becca. I have been so lost without you all these years. I can not be whole without you. I love you Becca, don't ever forget that. Now for the tape, it makes me cry, I am playing The Wind Beneath My Wings and I have been really crying. Becca I hope that someday I can be your hero. I wish I could have been the wind beneath you wings the last 13 years. My heart has always ached for you, I was always there Becca, heart and soul, you just didn't know it. GOD this is hard, it brings back a lot of pain but it also brings back a lot of happiness. I hope I can make this song come true for you...

This was a long tape, but that was just the first part of it. I knew at that moment that she loved me. But as time went on we saw less and less of her, and heard less and less of her. I began sending her letters asking her why she hasn't written, or called, saying I just want a relationship with her nothing else. We did have some great times after that but they just seemed few a far between. At one point I didn't speak to her for 2 years because I figured that if she couldn't make the effort to call me or write to me just once, I wasn't going to be the only one making the effort. Then after two years she sent me a invitation to her 4th wedding. I didn't go, but did visit with her more after that. We had great times together after that. I thought our relationship was getting better. Then she killed herself, Christmas Day 1998. I was devastated! I could have done more, I would have done more, I should have done more....

I love you Mom, through everything, I love you...

I miss you....

I would do anything to have you back...

I would do anything to give you a hug just one more time...

I need you, I need you so badly right now it hurts...

Everything in the past is forgiven...

I need to feel your arms around me, I need to hear your voice saying everything is going to be ok...

I need you here with me...

I miss you ...

I love you...

I hope you have found comfort in the arms of the Angels...

Goodbye Mom...

Love you forever...