Chronic Pain Support Group
Physicians and professionalsdefine pain as chronic if it lasts longer than three to six months and is persistent. It's distinct from acute pain that is a direct result of injury or trauma. This support group is dedicated to those suffering from chronic pain. Discuss treatments that have worked for you, find advice for your specific experience, and find support. You're not...
I've just spent 2 days having the WORST Christmas Eve and Christmas of my LIFE. I thought when Xmas Eve was cancelled at my cousin's, we'd be good for the rest of the week. Not.
I can say it all in one hyphenated word: in-laws. I never got on with my Mother-in-law but now my Sister-in-law has turned and that just shocks. To make it worse, my husband sided with his mommy. What IS it with men and their mommies? This family doesn't communicate, doesn't CARE about each other or respect anyone.
The worst though, was tonight. MY RSD has blown a gasket and I've been hiding it well. I don't need this family I don't care for, after 15 years to know I have RSD, taken meds, etc. So we're at Christmas which was a joke b/c the men just watch football, the women cackle and the kids needed supervision. With my foot sweating and not being able to bear weight, I told hubby time to leave. There had been tons of drama and I couldn't take it anymore. Pain is enough, ya know?
So we get ready to go, and my husband tells EVERYONE that we're leaving b/c I have to go take a pill! GREAT! Now they know I take medication. I don't SHARE that b/c it makes people look at me funny. He could've said the baby needed to get some sleep or just "We're going back now." He did NOT need a reason.
So now I have people asking me about my foot (can't hide THAT part, I am limping) and RSD, etc and I'm getting angry and embarrassed, and don't know WHY my husband did this! He had already done enough to land in the doghouse for a year, and now this.
I just don't know who to talk to and I'm sick to my stomach, and to make things worse I was late for my pills (which I HAD with me!) and that is such a stupid, rookie mistake. In cold weather I can't afford that. I've SO had it.
I already told him I'm leaving in the morning and I'm doing what I did on the drive here- stopping halfway at a spa/hotel and chilling. And getting a massage. I was so tired and in pain that I didn't get one on the way here.
And now (part of the drama too log to explain) my sister-in-law and family is coming tomorrow to "open gifts" b/c there was a hissy fit/childish act on her part and she refused to open them tonight. Yeah, may as well ruin my morning, right? So I am too upset to sleep and have my 2 year old in bed with me, hubby on couch, and I'm sick to even think of seeing them again. If it weren't for the kids, I wouldn't be here NOW.
Ugh, gotta see if it is time for a pill so I can TRY to sleep. I'm sleep-deprived which for some reason makes me unable to FALL asleep. When is this pain thing EVER going to make sense?
I can say it all in one hyphenated word: in-laws. I never got on with my Mother-in-law but now my Sister-in-law has turned and that just shocks. To make it worse, my husband sided with his mommy. What IS it with men and their mommies? This family doesn't communicate, doesn't CARE about each other or respect anyone.
The worst though, was tonight. MY RSD has blown a gasket and I've been hiding it well. I don't need this family I don't care for, after 15 years to know I have RSD, taken meds, etc. So we're at Christmas which was a joke b/c the men just watch football, the women cackle and the kids needed supervision. With my foot sweating and not being able to bear weight, I told hubby time to leave. There had been tons of drama and I couldn't take it anymore. Pain is enough, ya know?
So we get ready to go, and my husband tells EVERYONE that we're leaving b/c I have to go take a pill! GREAT! Now they know I take medication. I don't SHARE that b/c it makes people look at me funny. He could've said the baby needed to get some sleep or just "We're going back now." He did NOT need a reason.
So now I have people asking me about my foot (can't hide THAT part, I am limping) and RSD, etc and I'm getting angry and embarrassed, and don't know WHY my husband did this! He had already done enough to land in the doghouse for a year, and now this.
I just don't know who to talk to and I'm sick to my stomach, and to make things worse I was late for my pills (which I HAD with me!) and that is such a stupid, rookie mistake. In cold weather I can't afford that. I've SO had it.
I already told him I'm leaving in the morning and I'm doing what I did on the drive here- stopping halfway at a spa/hotel and chilling. And getting a massage. I was so tired and in pain that I didn't get one on the way here.
And now (part of the drama too log to explain) my sister-in-law and family is coming tomorrow to "open gifts" b/c there was a hissy fit/childish act on her part and she refused to open them tonight. Yeah, may as well ruin my morning, right? So I am too upset to sleep and have my 2 year old in bed with me, hubby on couch, and I'm sick to even think of seeing them again. If it weren't for the kids, I wouldn't be here NOW.
Ugh, gotta see if it is time for a pill so I can TRY to sleep. I'm sleep-deprived which for some reason makes me unable to FALL asleep. When is this pain thing EVER going to make sense?
I hope you can allow me to pass along a bit of sage wisdom. When Jaden grows up and has a wife of his own, try to not folllow in your MIL's footsteps. A son is a son 'til he takes him a wife...a daughter's a daughter all of her life. I'm not taking her side, but your MIL is just trying to hang on to her son as long as she can. According to my Granny, my mom was never good enough for my dad, and it didn't help that mom was stubborn as a mule, and confrontational too.
In-laws, in-laws go away...don't come back another day.
Hugs.
I think I'd hide in another room...
Big hugs,
Cherry
i hope today goes better..if you start feel;ing bad..go hide in your room..tell them you dont feel good.you dont have to say anything more.its your house and your business
hugs to you
amy
Serously I do understand, there are somethings that are not meant to be shared & once said can't be taken back. I really think people do not understand that.
It may not make you feel any better but my Christmas was not much better then yours, maybe worse. Such a disappointment.
Really I would not go back & repeat this for anything. I have one pregnant daughter & one who chose to get an injection for birth control which she has never had before a couple days before Christmas.
It was a nightmare, moods raging all over the place. Laughing one minute & sobbing the next. The temper tantrums from a grown girl are not fun. Honest to goodness I told them all enjoy as next yr I will be going to spend the holidays with my sister out of state.
I like that one day a yr to go smooth & my family knows that.
Killing myself for them all & then this? I feel for you & although I love my family deeply it will be my way next yr & you know I wont feel guilty about it for once.
There comes a time we have to think about what we want. If anything meet in the middle.
Disappointment would be a good word, can't get this yr back.
I'm glad the that adorable one of yours is so young. Lots of yrs to make good memories for him.
Take good care of you, as they have no clue how hard it can be.
God bless & here's to better days to come.
Sammy
Maybe its because I'm only a couple years into this chronic pain thing, but I'm pretty open with family and close friends about the pain and fatigue I experience and the narcotics I have to take. I had a few people freak out and treat me like an addict - but they came around over time. But each person's situation is different and I can understand wanting to keep details private - and your husband should definitely respect that.
I hope that you have a good trip back and enjoy the spa and massage - you have definitely earned them!
Hubby KNOWS he is in doghouse. He speaks w/o a filter! And what angers me is that now they all know. Today my bro in law with the sis in law who was a b**** yesterday came over to exchange gifts and while looking at pictures on my phone of Jaden, saw one of my foot when it turned almost black (actually a pretty shade of blue but looks black in photo) a few weeks ago. We took the photo for my doc b/c it doesn't happen often and it stays for a few hours, then pinks up after warm water and rest. Hubby thought I should show him the pic at my next appt.
So Sisinlaw literally screams at the picture and asks what it is. I calmly state it is ONE of the many parts of RSD. She could see I was in pain but guess she had to SEE to believe? She asked if that is why we'd left the night before and I said it was one of the reasons, yes. But that mainly the stress was too much for my 2 year old son. She was quiet and much nicer after that, and even monster-in-law didn't object to my leaving.
I don't know what we'll end up doing, but I can't forgive my husband, not right now. I've HAD it. He knows he messed up, and is lucky I didn't leave on the spot. He has been so wonderful for years about the RSD, even taking so many parenting duties over completely when I had a bad scare last year. But talking about it? To people I don't even KNOW? I see them once or twice a year! My OWN family doesn't know much, other than I have a bad foot.
We'll see what happens. Tonight I'm looking forward to a bed to myself and this hotel room has been quiet. I have a 3 hour drive tomorrow to get home, and my hubby and son will likely pass me b/c I intend on sleeping IN tomorrow.
Thanks for all the kind words. And when Jaden grows up if I am there to see it, I will NOT come between him and his wife/ girlfriend/significant other. He's 2 and chases girls and kisses them, plays with their hair and stares adoringly at them. He's happiest around his girl cousins so I let him stay with Mike at his Mom's. I just want my son to be happy! WHY does Mike's mom try SO hard to make HER son UNhappy? And she wonders why he only visits twice a year!
I know she had a hard life but why does she insist on causing problems where there need be none? She even bought my son a toy I specifically said he couldn't have! His 1st Xmas at 6 months old she asked what he wanted. I said "anything- whatever you want to get him." So she told Mike I wasn't "helpful!" So LAST year I sent her a LIST and said, get anything on it. It had links to stores online, lists of toys IN stores- it was as detailed as I could make it to help HER! So THEN she says she doesn't want to be "told what to buy!" I can't win!!!!
So last year she bought him all kinds of stuff too young for him that he already HAD and didn't include gift receipts. I gave them to Goodwill and Toys for Tots b/c he already HAD them! But I didn't tell her, I just watched him open gifts, saw they were doubles and while hubby DID mention a few, it was a massive waste of money! That was last year.
I'm not making it about $, just illustrating the things she does. She resents my presence in MY son's life! I TRY to be a good DIL. I know she had a rough life. Her son died in a car accident before I met Mike. He drank and rode motorcycles recklessly. They indulged him, he didn't go to college or take up a trade like his 2 brothers, he just partied. And I think she KNOWS that she should've addressed the drinking and whatever else there was going on but she didn't and he died. He may still have died if she HAD intervened. But he was her favorite and now she makes him sound like an angel who never did a thing wrong.
Same with her husband. Mike's Dad had a heart problem and sadly, he died on Xmas night in 2005. I had just miscarried twins and didn't go home for Xmas that year. Mike had to be her shoulder which was fine. But she let this man sit on his butt and drink (he was an alcoholic, 1 of the reasons Mike doesn't drink) while she supported the family. He became an abuser when his son died- he just didn't ever come back from that. Having lost a son of my own, even if he was only a baby, I KNOW how that feels.
So I thought we'd get along. I lost my baby at birth, my mom to cancer 6 months later, then miscarried twins. We had a lot in common, overcoming all that. But instead, she blamed me for all Mike ever did or does that displeases her. She has fun playing with his head.
Ugh, I've written a book here and I apologize. I just am trying to work it all out. Anyway, Mike was 1st in family to get a college degree, Masters, etc. Only one so far. So she expects more from him, and more from his wife. We got along great when we were dating and engaged- she didn't start in on me until the wedding.
She has done unforgivable things, really AWFUL things that I let go but really hate her for. Like, when I was told I'd never get pregnant and she harped on me to get pregnant. But then Mike lost his job due to Enron when we lived in Houston and I suddenly got pregnant, the old fashioned way!
I was taking care of my dying Mom and flying from Texas to WI and back every few weeks. The fact that I was in Texas long enough to GET pregnant was amazing, especially as my PCOD meant I ovulated maybe once every 3 years if even that.
So that Xmas I was almost 12 weeks and we had copies of the ultrasound. I gave her the ultrasound, framed, to tell her we were pregnant. She lost all the blood in her face and said OUT LOUD, "OMG, she's pregnant!" with a sneer. Talk about uncomfortable!
So a few minutes later I am helping my nephew and I hear her talking to her sister. "Now he is STUCK with her!" she said. "Well, maybe she will lose it." Prophetic words- but NOT a miscarriage...
THAT was my son, Jacob, who died b/c a nurse misdiagnosed me. I was IN labor and had lost my amniotic fluid. She didn't follow doctor's orders which were standing, that if I EVER came in to Labor/Delivery, she should be called. Lots more to THAT story but this is ridiculously long. Anyway, our son was all blonde curls, blue eyes, and looked EXACTLY like my husband. I couldn't believe I'd carried him, given birth to him...he was perfect. Except that he died right before he was born. His heart stopped in utero. I still went through labor and delivery like the torture it was. But THAT baby became all we hung on to as my mom lay dying, Mike was w/o a job and money dwindling fast. THAT is the baby my monster-in-law wished away.
I can't forgive her that. I don't ever disrespect her or talk back to her- I am a good DIL. But her behavior is sick. And now she adores my 2nd son but wants Mike to bring him w/o me, which is FINE. I'm never returning to her home. I faked my way through the morning and that was it.
So time for a pill- gotta stay on top of them- and bed. And sorry for the long post. I could edit but I am too tired. Again, guess I am working this out as best I can. I just can't forgive her- maybe I'm a bad person, too. But of ALL the things she has done, wishing away that baby was the worst. And she knew it. She didn't come to the funeral b/c she doesn't fly and we lived in Houston. But she sure did cry and carry on when he died. I'm shocked she would love someone who was a part of ME.
I guess she just won't ever change, and I can't go through another Xmas like that. Neither will my son. I'm DONE pleasing her. Done caring. I'm beyond sick about her ruining Xmas. And causing rifts between me and the other family members. I'm so beyond done!