Sorry, I just had a fight with my hubby and I am infuriated! He knew I had RSD when he met me, when he began dating me, when we moved in together, & when we married. I explained to him all about RSD and given that he'd never really experienced pain, I don't think he got it. He won't even take gas at the dentist. But he always acted as if he understood. The ONE subject though, that we never agreed on is sleep.

My hubby can sleep at the drop of a hat. He can lay down and bam- he is asleep. I've had insomnia since I was 8. It is even recorded in my little girl diary that "something funny happened and I couldn't sleep last night." Sadly, I never got over it and when I got RSD it worsened. Of course pain makes it difficult to sleep, is it THAT hard to understand?

Saturday night I had a terrible migraine and took an anti nausea drug that for some reason, makes me sleep. I only took half of one but the pain in my head and face were so bad I thought I'd vomit. I fell asleep and as I hadn't been sleeping well b/c of weather changes, I slept long and well. I was happy. But I slept long into the day and was shocked to wake up so late in the afternoon! Now my sleep schedule was off.

Last night I tried to sleep but I couldn't. I tossed and turned and finally got up and did some christmas decorating. My hubby got up for work at 4am and yelled at me! How could I just be up? Why didn't I try to sleep? It was the same old stuff we'd argued about years ago and my doctor had finally written him a note that many RSD patients have problems sleeping. I guess he forgot the note b/c he started yelling at me that I stayed up all night not considering him or my son. Now THAT got me angry!

My son spends mornings and afternoons, until my hubby returns, down in our basement playroom with me. I am trained as an Early Childhood Educator so I do special things with him. On Thursdays we go to his speech class and his playgroup, and on Fridays we have PJ Day, based on a book he loves. I do all the housework and make sure he has clean clothes, is fed, has his asthma inhaler, etc. I'm a good mom. But to hear my husband yell at me "You didn't go to bed? Don't you ever think of 'us' and 'our' plans?" made me want to slug him. No, I don't hit my husband. I'm anti-violence of any kind. But today I was infuriated at his ridiculous statements. Especially as he bowls 2 nights a week, taking time away from his son.

Monday has always been my day to relax when he gets home and suddenly he is changing the rules on me? And then he says I could've slept if I'd wanted to? WTH? My legs are so crampy, one from RSD and the other from limping b/c OF the RSD that I don't even share a bed with him when the weather is cold. He can't sleep with me moving my legs all over and I can't sleep for fear he'll accidentally touch my foot!

The thing is, my hubby was always pretty understanding about the pain and things I can and can't do. But he won't budge on the sleep thing. Neither of us gets enough and we're snapping at each other. My son stopped napping and THAT has become a battle ground. Because for the 1st 2 years of his life, he napped 3-4 hours in the afternoon. Hubby could nap, too. I know his hours are part of the problem, but as a meteorologist for an energy company, he has to get into the office to get reports ready before the markets open. He gets home by 230pm so it's not like he is overworked.

I don't know if it was Mondayitus and he just took it out on me b/c he had to go and I could be sleeping (in his opinion) but this was a short yet nasty exchange. He was angry b/c he knew I'd want to sleep as soon as he got home. Well, by then I'll be a zombie so yes, I WILL want to sleep. I will also have been working all day when he gets home!

Maybe all of this is tedious to read and I apologize. I just have no one to talk to this early, and I doubt that non-CPers would understand why pain does keep you awake! In my case it was made worse by my having slept so late yesterday due to the migraine. It's not like I PLANNED to stay up all night. I did TRY to go back to bed. But having arisen so late, I couldn't sleep, on top of that, the pain meds haven't been working as well. In almost 15 years I can't recall too many instances where I'd say the meds weren't working, but my new doctor last Spring changed them around, so I have less breakthrough.

It didn't matter in summer, or even fall, but now it would help to have one more breakthrough pill a day. But I agree that my doc needs to follow the govt guidelines, and he can do no good if he loses his license b/c he prescribed against those guidelines. Actually, he was the 1st doctor ever to explain what they are and that they keep changing, and he wishes he could treat me as I had been for so many years. It's not his fault that after all these years I'm feeling pain again.

But it IS hubby's fault for BLAMING me for not sleeping! I know he feels a bit bad, but that is for yelling, not for what he yelled about. He honestly thinks I can sleep like he does, anywhere, anytime. Does he think I enjoy lonely nights? I mean, I do like the quiet, but not at the expense of my health. If I COULD sleep, I would. I've been so tired lately that it was almost good that the migraine appeared b/c it allowed me to sleep a long time. But I pay for sleeping late b/c I can't fall back asleep if I've just gotten up!

Maybe I just needed to let go of some steam. He went to work and I am steaming. I feel angry and sad, and sick to my stomach. He begrudges me the right to go to bed early tonight. But why? He's always telling me not to do things that hurt my back or foot, yet HE sure doesn't do them.

There are a LOT of worse hubbys out there and I know he's been pretty okay about the RSD most of the time. But when he decides to start something, he knows it makes the RSD worse, yet he doesn't care. I don't know if he's stopped having empathy b/c he's not a very empathetic guy to start with. But I do know that I can't live with a man who can't accept me as I am. And that means insomnia and all. I'm just angry that he brought it up AGAIN! When I think of all the nights he was sup till 4-5am playing his computer games, I just want to shake sense into him.

Sorry, I'm just so angry! And he just phoned to see if he'd left his mother's Birthday card (which I bought and signed and addressed) and now tells me he has to stop and get it and take it to the post office. Just one more thing to show me he doesn't respect all I do for HIM. Maybe it's my being off work for a few weeks, but I can't enjoy the downtime. I want to, just like I want to sleep, but I can't.

I guess I'll try to rest a few hours before junior gets up. Not much sense in it as it makes me feel worse to wake up too early than just to stay awake till I can sleep, but my body is telling me it is time to rest. (Plus my fingers are cramping from my rant, lol.

I just wondered, if anyone has a good reply to his ridiculous notion that I just lay my head down and sleep? Is it possible for you to sleep when in pain? I know insomnia is part of my disease b/c I looked it up AND the doctor told me. But to be basically called a liar by my own husband was and is too much. What a way to begin the week. :(