Honor, I understand. The only thing I can say to that is that our husbands don't understand and are wired to fix things. They speak out of their frustration at not being able to do anything to help us. I'm sure he meant well with his statement, but it wasn't what you needed to hear at the moment.

Of course, we all wish we didn't have to take the meds! That's a given. We vent out of our frustration, then they don't know how to just give support and comfort. Bless their hearts...they try, but they just don't get it.

That's why we have to keep coming here!
Take care....Elizabeth

Maybe that was his way of saying he wishes you didn't have any pain and didn't need meds. Men are definately from a different planet....maybe Pluto??

tigg, i'm with you. that sounds like something jon would say. he would totally mean the best by it, and i'd be looking at him like he had lobsters crawling out of his ears.

i do agree that he was probably thinking, "i wish you felt good so you didn't have to take medication." it's just a longer way around saying, i wish you felt better. jon takes the back road or the scenic route a lot when he's trying to say something nice. i just think he's special.

just for your own sanity honor, pretend he was saying something nice. it's easier. :) besides, he was probably trying to anyway in his own special way.

I agree. My dear hubby of 36 years used to say the same things to me about the meds I took. Almost as if he wondered if the meds were somehow making the pain worse. He grew up in the "football arena" of life. You know, where coach says to "spit on it and rub it in" for every injury.

It was hard for him to realize that nerve pain doesn't respond to that treatment. His ah-ha moment was when he took me to a specialist 100 miles from home. He told the doc "she babys it". The doc looked him in the eye and said "It hurts".

He was trying to give me emotional support the way he would to a guy...matter-of-fact...that's what HE would like to hear if the tables were turned. But I'm not a guy. I needed to hear "I wish you didn't have pain. I wish it was me hurting instead of you." I know that's what he meant, it just got lost in translation.

I wish you weren't hurting too. Gentle hugs.

My favorite is "You don't look sick?" Grr.

Thank you ladies for reminding me how men think. This is a good place to vent. I hope your pain lets up a bit ( a lot ).

Hi, all! I'm new to the forum, but from what I have read, everyone (well, mostly everyone) :)) seems to be very supportive. I just wanted to add a comment here. Sometimes people don't always say or express themselves the way they mean to. For instance, it has taken me a lot of years to finally realize that my father can't handle it when I am in pain. Instead of being supportive, he gets really angry and lashes out. Obviously that's just about the worst thing anyone could do to someone when they are hurting, but what I've learned is that this is HIS coping mechanism. Once I understood that, it made it more tolerable. Do I like it or prefer it? No, of course not. But at least now I understand. And I am very fortunate to have other very supportive people in my life. So my babbling point is (and I do have one), surround yourself with people who do get it, but just know every now and then people who we care about say or do stupid shit. That's my two cents for tonight. Thanks for letting me be a part of your forum.

I'm with you, I think we misinterpret some things because we are so sensitive and vulnerable because of the exhaustion of pain......spoken words and those inferred definitely wound sometimes....

i really think husbands and fathers are from farther away than pluto like another universe i try so hard to understand my husband be patient but shouldnt he be doing the same uggg and grrrr my choice for being here so i keep on trying to understand like last night my hands hurt bad i was rubbing them he mentioned my weight yes i know its part of it but i dont walk on my hands and he doesnt get it that even if i lost 100 lbs which would make me under weight my hands will still hurt and im working on the weight but im sick that is his answer to everything

Hugs my friend. I hope that your pain, physcial and emotional, eases soon.