What I couldn't put in my profile: I didn't have a tree fall on me. Didn't have a car accident..Was walking across the room one day and suddenly for no apparent reason felt the worse pain I've ever felt. That will have been three years ago three days from now. That pain never went away. instead, it spread to other areas of my body until there are hardly any parts or systems left untouched by it. Does it matter to you or me what name they're giving the pain this month? Finally settling on Chronic Pain Syndrom. Which, as far as I can tell means, we don't really know why you're going to spend the rest of your life in pain and on more and more medications until we can't increase the meds any more. I was a happy, productive person one moment,and this miserable, self-centered ( I should say pain-centered, because there's very little of myself left in this) the next. In spite of having experienced quite a it of pain before all this due to accidents, I was a 48 year old woman who could still pass for 35. ( oh, vanity, thy name is woman.) Now I avoid mirrors as much as possible because I can't believe the old woman I see looking back is me. On the rare occasions that I run into people whom I haven't seen in a long time ( at the Dr.s, of course), they don't even recognize me. I promised myself some months ago that if this reached the three year mark without improvement, I could quit. Things have only gotten progressessively and rapidly worse since. For whatever reasons, my family believes they still need me. I love them as any wife/mother/grandmother/daughter/sister loves their family. I have always believed I would bear their pain if I could. Now I find myself asking if I can bear my own just to spare them loss. ( although I can't see myself as much of a loss any more).
I'm sorry this post is so long, and probably should have put it in my profile, instead. But,even after all this time, I can,t believe this IS my profile. That this is what now defines me.. ( dramatic pause). I can't believe the woman in the mirror.