Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger......lol right? By now most of us should be superman/woman...
I refuse to sugarcoat anything anymore, I have run the gambit, and I'm still here! I am the youngest of 18 children and aside from growing up poor I also had the divine luck of spending my childhood formative years being abused. To compound matters when I was 12 I was run over by a truck in a hit and run accident that left me in casts for the better part of a year. I learned to eat, talk, walk and basically function again. Both of my hands were crushed and as a result I lost 70% of the feeling in my right hand and all feeling in my left, so I had to reteach myself how to write and draw with my right hand. At 15 between my parents age and my rebelliousness I found myself out on the street ...homeless. I put myself through high school working 2 jobs. after high school I made a series of stupid immature mistakes that robbed me of 2 years of my life and for that I have nobody to blame but myself. After I re-entered society I was lucky to find my true love, and with the help of her father found a good job at a factory. I spent 15 years there, working 60-100 hours a week, killing myself to provide for my family and all the while climbing the ranks until at last I was given the job as the plant manager. What luck, a high 5 figure salary and everyone answered to me. 2 months later the bottom dropped out of the industry and I found myself out of a job. for the 3-5 years prior to this my health had taken a bad turn, but being that i was in an office at that time it was easier for me to work medicated. But here i was now unemployed and frankly unemployable, constantly in pain and on meds 24/7. It was then that I really started trying to get a diagnosis for my issues, and after 2 yrs of bouncing around the medical world i was diagnosed with eds,ra,oa,ddd, and an alphabet of other conditions. I have always prided myself on my ability to take pain, but now i am in the situation where the pain is too much. For a while i was at the end of my rope, I felt worthless and miserable, aside from my social security i could not provide for my family. So of course the logical step was to wallow in my own misery, and let me tell you....that i was good at, and i still am to this day. I have no magic wand, no magic cure, i cant make myself feel better, much less any of you.

What i can do though is survive, and hopefully inspire. since i have gotten on these forums i have found so many people that understand me, and until you find that you have no idea just how much it helps to talk to others that understand the problems you have every day. Today i picked up my art supplies and started drawing....drawing! i haven't put a pencil to paper to create anything in almost 10 years, but dear god i did today, and although i cried in pain for almost an hour afterwards i sit here now in the wee hours of the morning staring at this thing of beauty that climbed up out of my soul and flowed from my fingers onto this stark piece of white in front of me and once again i have tears in my eyes, but not of pain, but of joy.
Please anyone on here that is feeling lost, or sad or cranky, or even god forbid . at the end of your rope. I implore you, reach out, talk, type, express your pain to others here. I promise we are all listening, and we all care. take from me my strength, my love, my support. it may not seem like much when the pain spikes bad, but it is all i have. But i give it freely and happily. We understand each other, we care, we are home here among friends just know that..........Kris...........