I am so tired of being labeled because I need pain meds to be able to not be a total hag. If I do not take them when I am in great pain, I am such a hag I hate myself. I have heard it all, have you tried to exercise, you need to do that machine that stretches your back out, you need to try acupuncture, get a massage. Yes, I have tried these things. I am not weak, nor am I stupid. Yes, I look OK, It took me 3 or more hours to go out. I feel like crap inside. Just because I need pain meds does not make me an automatic criminal. Every time I get a script, I am reminded that our govt thinks I am one. It is a hassle. I have to go get the script, drive it to the pharmacy, deal with their personal inspection of me, show my ID and then I am made to feel like a failure because I need to take them. The entire scene is so tiresome. The fact is I sleep about 3 hours a night because of pain, I do not want to increase my meds any further and I do not really think that would make a difference. On pain meds my pain will go to a 6-7, off them I live at a 8-10. After 4 years of this I am sick of it. I like everyone else want to wake up, feel good and be pain free. I do not want to be labeled, judged or watched, I am just trying to function in this world. If everyone woke up with the thought, oh yeah, I am still alive, I know it because I am in pain AGAIN, they could be a bit more sympathetic. Living on a pain contract is more BS, as I can use one pharmacy. I cannot be treated without a call to my MD. I follow my MD's orders, I do not abuse my medications, I do not call for early scripts, I call the MD if I have problems and yet.... This life is not what I asked for. I was just busy being a normal person, when an old injury herniated a cervical disc. What in God's earth does someone do to deserve the pain that never leaves, being treated like a common criminal and never feeling good. My life has taken a 180 degree turn in four years, I hate this entire scene and anyone that has to live with this is so unfortunate. I am not depressed, I am angry and frustrated. I never stop asking why? I hate the medications, they make you tired, the muscle relaxants make you so obtunded you can barely function and the least caustic thing lidocaine patches are so cost prohibitive that one would spend an entire paycheck to get them. Do not get me wrong, I like the lidocaine patches, but they seriously are costly, I have a very high deductible insurance. Chronic pain is a dirty little secret that society will not face, although millions live in it. Why is there no cure or better thing to manage it? God help you if you use hydrocodone - it is now being equated with heroin in my state. Hardly. Studies show approx. 2% of people are abusing their pain meds. We have blown it into oblivion and now anyone on it is an addict. If we condemned people from driving cars because of car accidents, it would make as much sense. Sick of the BS that goes along with constant pain. It is all so draining and tiresome. I look forward to the day we can march for a true cure from chronic pain, but that would mean we would have to feel good all at the same time, highly unlikely.