Okay, so I'm going to say this exactly how it happened and let you draw your own conclusions b/c I don't know WHAT to think.

B/c I have RSD in my left foot (15 years this month) I have allowed other areas of my body, other injuries, to "go". The painkillers partially cover my back problems as WELL as my RSD, so I figured I would just look like a whiny baby by going in for the back troubles. But when I'm working, when I'm away from home every month, I go get a massage at whatever resort I'm covering.

I'm in Cancun, Mexico and have been here a million times, give or take. At least 30, possibly 40 times. I'm at a top notch resort. I went to get a massage today. The massage therapist was amazingly good at her job, speaking perfect English, knowing what RSD is (THAT alone made me happy!) and had studied for years to become not only a massage therapist but has 1 year left on her studies to become a physical therapist. She went to a 4 year college with emphasis on anatomy and science, and THEN decided to become a massage therapist with this well-known hotel chain. She's going to be working in a hospital soon, when she gets her PT license. I was told by 3 separate people how lucky I was to get her.

I began by telling her what I always say "Don't touch my left foot." She said okay, but was VERY interested in why. I started to talk about RSD w/o saying the name and she said, "You mean you have CRPS!" (That's what they call RSD now.) I was stunned. She said, "I wondered why you limped."

Okay, point of fact, SOMETIMES I limp. Not usually when in a warm climate like this, but I've been having troubles with my foot and back of late and I guess I was. One point to the massage therapist. Not that I LIKE being caught limping. And I STILL say I wasn't. (Can you tell I'm a bit vain on the subject?)

She asked me if I'd had PT and talked about the sympathetic nervous system- really impressing me. Then the massage began. I'd paid extra for the massage that is easy on the body EXCEPT for the specific areas I need stronger hands on. She gave me a massage that was unlike ANY I've ever had. I mean, I've had massages in so many counties, including this very city, and nothing like this. She put her whole body into it and it hurt at points but she had me breathe in and out and she released some big knots. But it was the LITTLE knots I wanted help with. I have terrible rhomboid muscles b/c I hunch forward, due to big chest, writing, etc.

She used every muscle in HER body to give me a strong massage but didn't really hit the little knots near my scapula that I literally sigh in relief for. But all in all, it was a good massage, just done differently. I'd rather have 50 minutes of literally digging out every knot of muscles on each side of my scapula, but that is quite rare. And she did a good job.

As we left she wanted to talk. She suggested I come back tomorrow or later tonight b/c a 50 minute massage just isn't enough for a back and body like mine.

She said "I don't know how to say this to you but your back is so swollen!" OKAYYYY. What? Can a back BE swollen? She said, "You have huge knots that need to be worked on." I said I didn't know, that this was really an expensive thing and it was a treat to myself and I can't really afford another massage.

Okay, this is where I want opinions. She said, "I just worry. I know you get regular massages. But your back worries me. You need....you need medication! Now I am NOT going to get you into anything like that, it's illegal and I don't want to get you into that...but you need something! You can't walk around like that!"
"I'll let you know." I interrupted as I was getting nervous.
"You need to see a doctor about your back. I'm not trying to frighten you- but you shouldn't have to deal with that. Isn't it painful? Those muscles are in huge knots! There's a medicine... but you don't want to get involved..."
"I can handle it." I thanked her and went about my way.
So here's where I WANTED to say: "Look, I have meds."
But what if she were connected to someone who could get into my room? I don't know that I think that, but I held my tongue. I wanted to relieve her worry, but telling her I had valium for muscle spasms could get me into trouble if anyone wanted to steal.

She asked me if I was willing to lay in the sauna. I am extremely claustraphobic and hate heat. But she was SO worried. She said, I'll make a bed of towels and just a few minutes?"

So I went into the sauna. I stayed 10 minutes laying directly on the hot bench with a thin towel between. She was happy about that. She asked if I had a heating pad. She asked if I would book another session. I said I'd let her know, yet again.

I do NOT think she was after money. But I've learned that anything is possible and the mention of illegal activity and drugs scared the crap out of me, pardon my French. I know for a FACT that people do bribe pharmacists, etc., and maybe a massage therapist WOULD refer me to an unscrupulous pharmacist- not for money but to help someone in pain?

But she had said, "But I don't want to get you into that." It was all hush-hush as we spoke and she's very healthy and educated and not a drug pusher. I think she saw my back as one of the worst she'd seen and was trying to help me.

I showered and dressed so fast and ran out w/o make-up on. She was trying to help me, and I KNOW my back is worse than I admit. It's like having 2 kids but one needs ALL your attention so you don't WANT to ignore the 2nd or leave that child alone more, but child #1 is literally screaming for you. That is my foot and my back. Make any sense?

I have a 2 year old who likes to cuddle and recently started wanting Mommy to carry him down the stairs in the mornings. I like the cuddling and it's down, not up. But it's harming my back, I guess. I know. And when I'm getting massages I'm always just a day from getting off 2 planes where I carried my laptop and more on my shoulder. It causes major knots.

But now my legs are muscle spasming OUT- like it is a muscle spasm party, and my left eye is twitching like crazy. WTH is THAT about? This past week has been a game of what can go wrong with my body THIS hour!

So- while we'll never know the truth 100%- does anyone think she was trying to get me to buy meds? Or just to take better care of myself? She DID tell me to see a doc as soon as I got home b/c of the "swollen" back. And that is where I go to - did she mean to use a different word? How can a back "swell"?

I'm beat. This happened 1st thing this morning and I had a long day. It's only 6pm here and it's the Mayan Solstice. I'm forgetting the big dinner in lieu of an early bedtime. Tomorrow's my last full day here and I want to have it to myself. I want to parasail and get my hair done crazy and do some shopping. I want to lay in the sun, but this time by the sea, and watch all the vendors come by.

Anyway, long day ahead. Did I overreact? When someone mentions meds it makes me overreact. Ugh, I hope I didn't embarrass myself. I relayed our conversations almost exactly as it happened- I wrote it right after it happened. I didn't want to forget anything big. But there was an earthquake in Mexico earlier and while I'm thanking God it wasn't here, it did somehow hurt the internet services, or so we're told. The scary part was Acapulco was our 2nd choice for the meeting. If we hadn't found a great deal here...

The other thing is- how BAD could my back BE to alarm a woman like that? I had a massage in Vegas last month and that therapist DID mention that my back was a mess and agreed that a breast reduction would help a LOT, but she never mentioned swelling and "tons of large knots". Well, she said I had a LOT of knots but don't we all? WTH IS a muscle knot, anyway? I STILL don't understand it. So yes, other therapists (most of them) have commented on my rhomboid muscles and how bad my posture is and how I would benefit from more massage or chiropractic work or PT or an operation- the list is endless. But no one ever SCARED me before.

I have my pain doc tuesday next week and my insurance exam on Monday! This isn't the kind of thing you "mention" to a doc doing an insurance exam, is it?

Okay, so did I overreact? It's okay to say yes. Just that mention of meds....I'll go put my feet up now and pray that my OWN meds take the pain away. Meanwhile, any thoughts would be appreciated.