Shlay,

Well, first off, it's a damned shame that you can't openly talk to your doc these days about such issues without getting the ax. I suspect that your problem is much more prevalent than we think. So first off, don't feel like a freak or a criminal, and don't guilt trip because that will just make things worse.

I have a couple of suggestions. One is to get a safe deposit box, count out a week's dosage and lock them away where you can't get to them easily. If you have a (trustworthy) spouse, let the spouse dole them out.

I've never been to a 12 step, but if anyone has, ask them. Perhaps you can attend and concurrently use the meds as directed. I don't know if I'd go into details with the 12 step group though, I would think that it would be asking for trouble.

I really wish I could help you more. You know it's going to take willpower to taper down, and perhaps even a little below the prescribed dose for a bit just to prove to yourself that you can do it.

I don't judge you, I have no room to judge anyone, and I don't think anyone here does either. You're just a human facing a problem.

-Snake

It's a stuff issue I really feel for you, I am so sorry your stuck in this rut. I agree with snake it's a damn shame that this isn't an issue you can bring up with doctos or they will label you a drug seeker and cut you off. I think the best thing you can do is find someone you trust and give them to that person, put your self on a scheduel and that person gives you the drug when you need it and how you need it, if that isn't helping then you need to go see your doc and tell them that it isn't working and to up your does. I know your afraid of addition a lot of chronic pain paitents are but the truth is this if taken as prescribed the addition rate of pain pills are only around 1%. You have a ligitment pain condition or your doctor wouldn't have given you the drugs. I will keep you in my prayers

Thank both of you. I will try to save up for that lock box. That is a very good idea. I don't have anyone in my life I can trust enough to tell them this issue.

what i would do is talk to your docter DO NOT tell him that you think your becomming addicted just tell him that they are no longer working for your pain and you would like to be swiched to something else or maybe up your dose. open a disussion with him so you two can talk aobut options. it sounds to be like your tolerent of your meds and if you switch to something your not tolerent of it will
1.) work better for your pain
2.) you wont need to up your dose

also you can ask your doc about methadone or suboxen (i dont' know if your pain doc is licenced to percribe suboxen or not) they dont produce a euporia so they are much easier to take on a schedual and they work very well on pain.
methadone is as strong as morphine, and suboxen is stronger than morphine.
Tell your doc you want to try these because you hear that they work well for chronic pain.
Do a ltitle reasearch on the net about them before you go in.

this is just a suggestion. i don't want you to not be able to get pain relife. once your labled as a addict and you have chronic pain your kinda screwed.

after you get your new pills or even if you stay on your old ones EITHER way i would take the advice of the others on here and do the lockbox idea.

take care and good luck and keep us posted

I struggled with wondering this same thing for years. Now I know I need my meds and they give me a small piece of my life back so I can function. There is a huge difference between being dependent on them and being addicted to them. I think as long as your not taking them to get high then your just phsyically dependent on them and not addicted. Don't feel bad about having ot take these meds. Anyone who takes then will eventually become dependent on them thats the nature of the beast. Just continue to take them as prescribed and you won't have any problems. (((hugs)))

I am seeing the pain doc tomorrow. I just hope he gives me that fricking helps. I'm so sick of being in pain. I just can't take it anymore.

i feel that same way when i'm in pain right before i see my doc, i'm like please god just listen to me and make the pain go away. i feel sometimes they just dont get it! i go in there with high hopes and they just stomp on me.

i keep repeating, i can't sleep, i can't do my housework, i have this pain and that pain. and he just says keep taking your meds heres your refill c ya next time! its frustrating. are you appointments ever like that?
i have my 1st pain appoint comming up and i'm right where you are and thinking the same thing. just for the love of god help me find something that works. take care

Try a combination of pain management doctor and CP psychologist. If you can balance the mind with the body, you will be amazed at what you CAN accomplish vs CAN'T. Granted we all have different levels of will power but it is not easy without all of the right support tools at the ready.

Pain sucks at any age. Don't get too disheartened by what you feel. You're aware of what's going on with you, so you can pat yourself on the back and smile. You need to give yourself credit too! :)

Not all doctors are equal either. Some are happily Rx pushers thinking about their wallets, but you would be surprised at how many there are that are very sincere and caring of you as their patient. Sometimes they fail too, but it's nobody's fault. It's just life. DS has a very cool community and it will provide you with what support it can. Remember, you only take away that which you can use. It may sound cliche, but laughter does help and music as well. Try as many positive helpful ways you can to dominate the pain and then enjoy it day to day.

Best wishes!

My pain doc is really nice so I'm hoping he'll be understanding. I'm not the med seeking type. I never showed my docs that. I'm just scared that he'll figure out I've taken. Months worth of Meds and half a month

I don't know if my insurance will pay for another shrink. I have Medicaid and already see a doc for my bipolar. And for sure don't have the money to just go out and pay for one.

What is the worst thing that can come of this problem of yours that is consuming you? Do not fear because the worst is you have to taper off gently so you don't suffer withdrawl.
I was beating myself up just like you and feeling guilty about the pills, when every dr. knows that this is inevitable. You just need changed to an extended release tablet every 12 hrs around the clock and you won't beat yourself up anymore. My dr. said that the short term drugs only last a person for 2 hrs. Please don't fall into a depression over this because it is something that can be dealt with with the right doctor who wants to do what she is supposed to do...hey, they say they are pain management, right? Then logically they are supposed to do just that.
How is it that so many quacks get into this specialty, I will never know.
Don't forget having to kiss all those toads before you find your prince...lol.

Shlay,

I really doubt that ANY doc is nice when that subject comes up, and I'm not trying to scare you. I mean mine's a great guy and all, and I've gotten into and back out of problems like yours a few times, but always on my own. I mean, it's euphoric just to get out of pain, let's face it.

Docs want to be willfully ignorant if they think your pain levels are the same every day all the time, and that if you have relief on hand that you're going to suffer for a week or so at the same dose. I figure the important thing is that they balance out monthly. I think they know this, and as long as you share an illusion they don't want trouble.

-Snake

I agree about being open and honest but you DO have to be careful... I mean ... If you tell your Dr. that you think you are becoming addicted to them then they will certainly cut- you - off. So be sure you know what you want to say. Be certain. This info could travel with your records too, if you ever go to another doc ( you just never know) so I would really be sure. On the other hand-- I DO understand why the doc would cut someone off- they have to cover their butts too. So its not an easy situation for anyone.

Some docs dont even understand the diff between Tolerance - Addiction- or Pseudo addiction...(when a person seeks more meds ONLY because they are actually UNDER medicated for pain) so you really never know how they may react.

Sometimes what works for some people is to switch meds for awhile... ( but it may not work due to cross tolerance) or go down a little bit as much as you can tolerate ( I know that is hard because you are in pain and not getting enough as it is -but if you ever do lets say- have a "better" pain day - see if you can do it then) sometimes it can really help. The meds can work better then because your tolerance has gone down a bit. I know there isnt a quick and easy answer, but I would try those things FIRST ( if you havent already- maybe you have- I dont know) before you talk to your doc about addiction or becoming addicted. Its very possible that you could use a bump up in your meds - simply because your BODY IS tolerant and thats all you would need. Its not a character flaw, just your body becoming used to it - thats all. It just happens.
I say that just because you say you took a months worth of meds in half that time... maybe you are not getting proper pain control.
If you think that you are taking them for any other reason other than for pain ( which I believe people know the truth somehow deep down) then its really important to be honest with your self and try to fix it. If you cant... then you may need help to stop or taper down on your own and see how it goes from there.
These are just some things to consider... only my opinion.
Good luck Shlay!

Shlay,

How are you doing? My surgery is healing up, I still have some residual pain, but it's time to cut down on the increased meds. So I'm somewhat with you, it's not a picnic.

PM me if you need a buddy getting things straight.

-Snake

I'm doing okay. I just got rxed 30mg of time release morphine. I'm just waiting for when I can start it later today when the percocet gets out of my system.