I promise to try ladies I really do. He went out with his sister tonight she finally got a day off. I talked to my sister today and she might be able to go with me to the Arizona. My dr did manage to fit me in today and Im going to have to have another MRI wednesday really just bothers me because this one is closed and I am crazy claustrophobic. But it should take 4-5 hours to get through I just hate being in that one position dont move kinda thing and I talked to my dr about it because that one position makes my pain so much worse,. He wasnt mad that I went but really understood. He reassured me about not wasting anyones time and I need to watch my blood pressure this week morning and night so we can find out when my pain is worse he said that the pain will make a big spike in my bood pressure and it worried him that it was so high the other night.

I honestly hubby we are in counseling Im really trying but I keep feeling like Im failing and wondering if its my pain and being sick that drives him away or me. Ive gained weight and gone into depression snce this all started, Im so scared all of me just wants everything to be fixed a magic wand something. I know its not me even the other day at the movies OK I am 23 going to be 24 July 6th but I was happy to see the Toy Story 3 preview I love disney/ pixar movies and he told me to act like an adult because I was oh yeah toy story ans shamelessly clapping lol I know I need to act my age my family has told me that since I was 12 but I just get so happy and excited lol its just apart of who I am. I want counseling to work but if it doesnt if the counselor was to tell me that it would be better if we both tried a separation or it wasnt healthy for me to be with him I would buy a plane ticket in a heartbeat for my dad or someone to drive me and my stuff back to KS. Its just scary I dont want to be alone and Im dealing with that in counseling too on my own. But it is a big part of why we are still together. Im just scared and I have even called the help numbers and talked to the wonderful people about relationship abuse. My pm dr has told him to come numerous times but he always ends up having to get to work because my dr runs an hour or 2 after your appt was supposed to be. Im just happy he wasnt mad at me.

Our relationship changed and this is me being honest he changed when my dad told him something that was supposed to have been said after we were married but he told him the moment he met him. We only seen my dad for 5 hours before he was too drunk little 5'4 man trying to pick up a 6 ft 185 pound guy then grab me and swing me around it wasnt pretty and probably the most embarrassing part of my life. More so is this marriage because I feel like it is my fault like I should have seen the signs before I said Ido. you know. Just why does he do this to me I dont need the added stress I wish we were a support group that actually met I need a hug and he has moments where things are great but after reading so much I feel like its an act like he is just trying to make me happy for the moment. I need to go my Im just hutring to much again I cant do this. Sorry guys loves yas to bits thank you lots of hugs and you can message me hugs

megan, I had pretty severe endometriosis about 14 years ago. I had endoscopic laser surgery, plus a year and a half on meds which put me into artificial menopause, and only go relief when I had my last baby. (I AM NOT telling you to get pregnant in an unstable relationship, though.) I cannot take the pill, due to migraines, but I refused to let them take out my uterus (which of course is EASY for them, easier than just treating the illness with precise surgery. They told me (and I was only in my early 30s) "You don't want any more kids, do you? What do you need your organs for?" I asked the doctor, (who was in his 50s) if HE was done having kids. He said yes. I asked him "If your balls hurt ALL the time, would you choose having them removed, or would you choose surgery and medication?" He said "That's different." What a load of shit!!!! Why are a woman's organs ONLY important to "give" a man a son? Once they think you are "done with childbearing" they feel free to mutilate you and remove the organs which not only define you as a woman, but actually contribute to sexual response and orgasm. They can take MY uterus and ovaries when they pry them out of my cold dead pelvic area! (OK, I may be exaggerating. But, the fact that the pain DID go away with INTRICATE laser surgery, instead of "carpet bombing" my body, and ripping out ALL my female organs proved I was RIGHT, and they were sexist pigs. Oh, and after the surgery, I stopped seeing that GYN, as I knew he only thought of female organs as something to "fulfill a man's need to have a son." In fact, the ONLY thing which persuaded him NOT to do a history was my telling him "I want my husband to have an other son." THAT worked.........

As for your relationship, I cannot judge, as I am not there. Only you know what is really going on, and I would never tell a woman to leave, especially on the net, as that isn't my place.

Therapy CAN work, even for abusers. I have seen it happen.

EDIT, I meant to type "persuaded him NOT to do a hysterectomy" and spellcheck replaced it with "persuaded him NOT to do a history."

BIG difference. I always give doctors my history.

Sweetie,

I know exactly how you feel. I had such severe pain all month long that I finally told the doctor I would end my life instead of live through another couple months of the torture. I had not had any babies at that point. I could not work 5 days a month, the others, I barely got the work done. It was horrid. I had every test known.

The afternoon after they took it out (open incision not laproscopicly (sp)), I was in so little pain compared to the day before that I did not ask for pain meds for 12 hours. This after major surgery. The nurse on the night shift ran into my room ready to call a code because they had NEVER seen anyone fail to ask for pain relief for 12 hours following major surgery. They actually thought I had stopped breathing or something worse!!!

Does that give you any idea how much pain I was in the day before having the hysteroctomy (sp)?

My hubby and I adopted two beautiful children.

It is not fair but women have received a raw deal for a very long time. Doctor's have ignored our special health problems and written us off.

I know its not much consolation but I do hope you feel better soon.

megan, i'm so sorry that you're going through this. the pain AND the trouble w/your hubby understanding. however, i think you've gotten the bulk of the advice that you need for your post issue, so my post is to some who have responded to you:

ladies, megan clearly came to us from a place of pain and desparation. i'm willing to bet that all of us have either been there,
or at least near it. she asked us for help,
for advice, to listen - she did NOT ask us to JUDGE.

tipper, i don't know you yet, and i'd love to get to know you - i mean this sincerely. i feel after reading your reply post to megan, however, the need to point out how harsh your words were, and *not* what she needed to hear (i'm guessing, anyway - there's no way in the world that would help me if i were having a tough time w/my pain, and my hubby wasn't understanding).

i'm sure that you meant well, but your words didn't come out well - i just thought i might say this to everyone, so that we can all think about how to be supportive, and *there* for eachother when we're @ our weakest, or in our most pain.

don't get me wrong, though - you saw a fellow *ds* sister-in-need and you let her know that she deserved to be treated better -
a lot of people don't even do that! lisa did the same, i think, but in a more approachable manner, maybe?

just wanted to point these things out. i would write you my own advice right now, megan, but *i* am now in a load of pain, unfortunately, and if i don't get into some kind of fetal position - and soon - i am going to CRY LIKE A BABY!

i hope you all have a great day. please understand that i meant well by this post!

x0x0x0,
misa

Megan ~

After reading your posts, (and reading 'between' the lines) I get the impression you are a nice person that would never think of asking anyone to go out of their way to give you assistance and you just do not want to be a 'bother' to anyone. Sweetie, your problem is exactly what an ER was made for!

Why would you curl up into a ball of pain when you know there is a place that, if they cannot eliminate the pain entirely, can at least give you some measure of relief? I am sure neither the doctor nor the nurse (being a Cancer survivor I am sure she more than empathized with you!) felt they were being 'put out' because they helped you that night. I know several nurses that work in our local ER, we live in a city with a population of approx. 42,000 and I know the type of patients they tire of dealing with and you my Dear are not one of them!

May I also make an observation on your marital situation? True I am not in your position so I cannot know entirely what you are experiencing but just from the words you use in your posts, you remind me in some ways of myself when my husband and I were first together eons ago! He lacked a great deal of self confidence back then and because of that, he would say things to me about 'not embarrassing' him in front of his friends, co-workers etc. It was not my and is not your problem..it is his. After one of these, 'You embarrassed me in front of my brother and his buddy' arguments, I told him I was going to discuss a referral to a counselor with our family GP and that if he did not change I was leaving. That was all it took! He was so ashamed of his behaviour (and knowing our doctor now knew about it) that he began looking at his own actions and decided he needed to work on himself.

That was over 15 years ago and he has since built up his self confidence and now realizes I was never 'embarrassing' him it was his feelings of inadequacy he was projecting on me. Now having said that, your husband has to want to change or he will never look inside himself to realize this problem lies with him not you. He should enjoy your happiness when you take your shoes off and dance \o/\o/\o/ at Disney World!

I hope you are feeling better and I am glad your doctor was 'grouchy' about the situation. Keep Smiling and I will keep you in my thoughts!

Crafty