From time to time people do become fed up with the new people who come to lash out and yell at us, or they just can't take the seekers anymore.

Most of the time thou, the person just needs a break. For me personally, typing hurts. It takes so long to type out what I want to say.

I don't know what else to do. If you send them a hug or private message, they will get it in their email INBOX so they will know that you are thinking about them. Try that

Thanks, sunndun.
I hear you month typing hurts. I swear, once I've established myself as fairly literate, I'm going to stop correcting.

Okay that was weird. Funny timing, though.
That was supposed to read, I hear you about typing hurting.

jan, it's so sweet of you to inquire. SunnyBunn is right. When someone's pain spikes, it's all they can do to deal with it, and extra-curricular activities such as DS take a back seat for a time. I have great difficulty typing too, due to RSD in my hands. I'm down to one finger.

If you would like to reach out to someone, if PM or hugs don't work, start a new topic that says "Hi, I miss you, hope you're OK. If they're lurking, they may reply.

Wishing everyone a pain-free day.

Thanks for responses.
I know pain takes you away from everything sometimes, I'll probably fade away myself sometimes. I now people back off from the drama, too. But, this is a site for people in chronic pain and illness. So, (hopefully on very rare occasions), there must be times when people are just suddenly gone and we never know why.
I had a friend in"real life" go missing about a decade ago. Sadly, her body was found last year. The missing was hell on her family and friends, she was presumed murdered by police. Of course, the finding of her body was deeply saddening- but it was the end of not knowing.

I guess I'm just going to have to accept the emotional risk of truly caring about people here and the chance that they may not be here one day, and we may not no why.

your last sentence, i think , said it jc.
we all need to decide for ourselves how invested we want to become with the board, with a group, with individuals.
sometimes people do disappear through no known doins or from anything they saw comin.
i lost internet by complete surprise one time so i did disappaer .
some people...when they DO become , by will or by pleasant surprise, become emotionally invested with other members will give alternate means of contact such as e mail and phone numbers.
i hear all the warnings rearin up out there...the ones about how careful we all must be about this sort of thing.
so true..for instance .......i'm great friends with Deb.......but do i want her knowin my e mail ?..or where i live?.phhhhhhhttttuuuuuHUhurrrt
scuse me.had a choke there.
i'm ramblin again..but once people been here awhile.....if they DO go missin.there is usually somebody they will let know that they are alright.
a friend of mine fell off recently.i posted "anybody seen------?"
soon had an answer that this friend was at least ok.
am i makin sense?
(THAT would be a starter)
i've at least thrown a lot of words out here.i hope you can sift and shift to make some meaning out of em.
PEACE friend(s).................t

jancam: I have wondered the same thing - for the same reason you do...I find myself looking for certain people's comments, and if I haven't seen any in a while I start feeling concerned, wondering where they are, how they are, etc. I thought maybe I was becoming too attached to my cyber-world! haha

Hi Jancam... I understand what you mean. I just passed my 4 yr DS "anniversary", and over those years I've had a number of friends, who were not just names on my friends list, but were people who I was regularly communicating with and feeling a connection with and a closeness to... and then one day you log on and they are gone... acct closed... no explanation... no goodbye... no nothing... just gone.

Does it hurt? Hell yeah! It's very upsetting and of course there are all those thoughts about "did I do something wrong"... and the worrying about them, and the hoping they will just reappear, goes on for a long time afterwards. I've had a small few who did turn up again with an apology and a promise not to "disappear" like that ever again... but the rest are just gone for ever and the only way I've found to deal with that is by reminding myself of the verse about how people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime (below).

But I've also learnt to get other contact details (address or phone no or email) for those friends who I would be devastated if they disappeared and I never heard what happened. On Christmas day my DS friend Ellie died... I had no idea she was so sick, as she hadn't let on. Her acct here is still open, but because I had got her postal and email addresses, and had sent "thinking of you" cards/e-cards, her husband was able to contact me with the sad news of her passing.

So that is my strong piece of advice to everyone... get alternate contact details for your close friends here. Yes that means you have to break the anonymity of DS, so it is good to be selective about who you do that with. But I'm so glad that and I'm now able to grieve the passing of my friend... rather than feeling angry with her for never responding to a hug again.

Sending hugs for you Jancam... Gaye... xxx


A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime


People come into your life for a reason, a season, or
a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you
will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is
usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have
come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you
with guidance and support, to aid you physically,
emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a
godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason
you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an
inconvenient time, this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realise is that our need has been met, our
desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you
sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount
of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things
you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the
person, and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life. It is said
that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Author Unknown

What I see more often then not is someone new will come on and post post post for a month or so and then just disappear it is like they burn themselves out.

Other times you will see a long standing member just sort of disappear and it is usually because of something that comes up in their life.

Only a few people in my opinion leave because they dont like the people on here or they think there is to much drama or something.

Life happens in the non- computer world and I find it sad also when someone who I enjoy talking to just leaves.

As those of my friends who were around last January when I ended up in hospital I have email addresses of almost all my friends AND some phone numbers as well. But I have known most of them for some years But when I was unable to post my husband came on to let people on my list know - and I also have a friend on here who lives about 30 minutes from me who can post to let people know if I do have to go missing for any reason.

But I know what you mean Jan..... for instance RetiredLEO has just disappeared. I know she hasn't been suspended or banned but no-one seems to be able to contact her even though I have checked on two other sites she is on.

I use her as an example as it is one person many of us "know" and would like to know how she is after her surgery and rehab.

SO maybe it is a good idea, especially for those regular posters/member to have a plan in place so that if you are not able to come on here for whatever reason that you can in fact let people on here know.

Great idea hathani. I'm going to make a plan with hubby for myself, and ask others to do the same. That would save those who care here from that never knowing sadness.

Hi Jancam, I would like to respond to your question also. I used to be on here every day all the time, however, my fibro got the best of me and depression hit me pretty hard. I lost interest in most everything and I haven't been on here until just tonight. It has been since May of 2011 since I have been on here. So, maybe the person or people might be going through something right now. Just pray for them that whatever it is will be resolved quickly. Chin up my dear....This too shall pass.

Did you get answer?

I would just like to add one more thing. Sometimes the reason people leave is that something positive is happening in their life, they develop other interests, their pain is manageable for the time being without much support (altho for me it is critical day by day).

As many of you know, my husband plays music on the weekend. Sometimes people that have been very regular will just disappear and we know nothing. Do we suck, did something we did upset you, etc. a lot of the folks we play to are older so you do worry when they just disappear. Sometimes something very positive is happening in their lives and they just don't have time to work us in.

We had a gentlemen in his seventies not with us for New Years weekend and the weekend after. Not like him at all. We started asking around and sent a search party out. Turns out his gallbladder almost exploded and he had surgery. You just never know.

I think having email addresses is nice and phone numbers but only if there is complete trust. There are a few people that I have that relationship with.

I have not had the chance to formally welcome you, Jan. I am glad you are here. You have already added a lot to this forum.

Big hugs,

Melinda

Hi Jan, I was a previous member, I had to suddenly close my account due to horrible messages, then emails .....DS could do nothing about it. I felt very upset and didn't want to expose myself further. Also didn't want to respond to the horrible negativity I was being sent, didn't want to feed the situation.

I have no idea how this person even got my email, the whole thing was very strange.

I was extremely upset but did not know who to trust. DS advised closing account and opening under different name.

I've been back awhile now, things have been great. I am careful to keep private. I had notified a friend to let others know why I had gone, but I didn't want a big deal about it due to the nature of the messages and emails. I was going through a rough time as it was. Who ever it was I will never know for sure, but I'm back and DS assure me search engines are pretty much blocked by remaining private.

Also I feel stronger within myself now and would be able to "out" any Bully!

So Jan, there are many reasons people might disappear ..... I'm glad I'm back! I won't cower to a Bully ever again!
:)