Chronic Pain Support Group

Physicians and professionalsdefine pain as chronic if it lasts longer than three to six months and is persistent. It's distinct from acute pain that is a direct result of injury or trauma. This support group is dedicated to those suffering from chronic pain. Discuss treatments that have worked for you, find advice for your specific experience, and find support. You're not...

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Personality changes with pain

thaliajen
thaliajen
I didn't think my pain affected my personality much. Pain is what I HAVE, not who I am. But today as I sat down in the hotel are, a man just flat out said to me, "You're very pretty!" I did a doubletake. I wanted to say, "Who? ME?" and run.

I realized that it's been SO long since a stranger has complimented me on my looks, i just didn't know what to say. The matter itself is more than enough for the self-esteem police, but what I'm curious about is when it happened and why? Was it the pain?

Something similar happened last month when a man stood to give me his seat on the airport tram. I wasn't using my cane but figured he knew and just offered the seat. Now, how could he KNOW? The man was being a gentleman and polite, and I'm all about WHY he did it? What is wrong with me?

My personality hasn't changed in huge ways, but the pain HAS caused me to be less flirty, less accepting of kind compliments and I look away when people try to meet my eye. I was NEVER like that before!

I can't accept a stranger's compliment b/c I know that I'm damaged. Is that it? This has really got me crazy. A nice man said a nice thing with nothing in it for him, and I get upset. Maybe I DO need therapy! I feel SO stupid now. Damn pain has made me suspicious of everyone. I've always been a people person who talks and talks. But not about myself. Not much. My kid or DH, but not ME.

Am I the only one who feels this way, or is this NOT a CP thing but a married for 12 years thing?
deleted_user
deleted_user
hi, theliajen, and i dont know for sure, but i do think my self esteem took a major hit when i got disabled... i dont even like typing the word disabled, but its what i am now, and i often wonder myself if people can see right thru my smile.. i tend to shy away too, and look around, to see if there is a beautiful woman standing behind me. (the one i use to be)...
but, theres not, its just me, and i can totally relate to what your saying here... wish i had the answer as to not feel this way, but i dont...just try and see the real you, your personality is still there, and so is your heart!!
when you figure it out, just let me know...LOL
~stinke~
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think someone wrote "please pick a fight with me" on my forehead while I was sleeping because everyone was so confrontational with me...had to get back to the house before I blew my guse.
tendonshurt
tendonshurt
I've changed alot because of pain. I used to be flirty and a people person. I see pain in my face and my body. My self esteem has been squashed mostly by myself. If someone tells me I'm pretty I want to say No way are you kidding me, I look like shit and feel like shit. But I have to say thank you and smile. I was brought up to be polite and I had to learn to accept a compliment.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Personally, I think we stop having the energy to really care what the outside looks like and focus more on being who we genuinely are from the inside. I began stopping to resuce injured wildlife off the road when I knew what it was like to be in pain and be passed by over and over and over. When I watched a raptor attempt to recycle the energy of one who passed, I decided to move them to the woods so the raptors can continue the cycle of life.

Regardless of how we look on the outside, we can contribute to the world in small ways.
kate333
kate333
thaliajen, I know exactly what you mean. A similar thing happened to me this week too. After thinking a similar pattern to you I figured, maybe Im just unconfident. Does that have to relate to cp? well, not really, I figured that if a guy said i was good looking without the cp id still want to turn and run. I imagine a lot of people do, just cause not many people look at themselves and thinks 'man, im hot'. So in a way, i think this is natural human instinct, but i think amplified because of cp. Im not sure though, theres defo two ways of looking at this.
Just to let you know i feel this way too even though I am a confident young person. I am loud, talkative, in the middle of the action type of girl, but i cannot stand or take and am suspicious of people talking nice to me.
what an odd world ehh? xxx