Hi,


This thread brought up an old memory. It was years ago, I was having a MS exaserbation and I was paralyzed. The only thing I could move were my eye lids. I was crying lying in a bed thinking life was over for me, and wishing I could just die. Then outside I heard some birds singing, it was beautiful! I cried even harder, but decided ok, I can still hear and enjoy the beauty of bird song maybe there is still something to live for. They treated my exaserbation with steroids and with PT got me walking & talking again.

What I learned from that experience is to treasure life's simple pleasures. And none of us know what life has in store for us. Sure having Chronic Pain is aweful, pain is a theif, but you are not your pain. One of the greatest tools I learned early on, that many scoff at, is meditation and guided imagery. With meditation I am able to separate from my pain and ignor it for periods of time, like denal. It enables me to use less medication. It takes concentration and practice, but once you get the hang of it it is a very useful tool.

There is always something worth living for. I have two lovely Grand Daughters, a wonderful son, a new daughter-in-law to get to know, and I adore Icecream and chocolate! I also have a sweet little dog named Moby who keeps me company. And I live in the most breathtaking part of the world possible. Plus, did I tell you I love ice-cream and chocolate?! : )

Hugs, Cathy

And being in pain and using medications means the FIRST thing that docs think of when any other issue comes up is
"Perhaps we need to stop these medications."

I have a terrible time with vertigo. Every time I have an episode, that is the first thing any doc but my PM says to me - "It HAS TO BE the meds." Forget the fact that 6 months of meds without one dizzy spell passed. Suddenly it has to be the mediation.

It is like living with a bomb in your pocket. They refuse to see the nose bleed and always go right to "Let's get rid of the bomb."

I certainly don't seek death but, I think, because of CP, I no longer fear or even dread death. But I still have hope and much of the time I appreciate the little pleasures in my life.

Jspen, this topic is something very familiar to me as i have wanted to die many times because of the excruciating pain i have in my head and other places now. I did try and kill myself but was unsucessful, and i doubt i will try again because i might fail again. I have to take morphine just to be able to live and with that comes other problems with docs. pharmacy's that think they know what you you need. I never imagine4d my life to be this way but it is and i try to help others with their suffering. If i did not have pain meds. i do not think i would be able to go on one more day. Even though they give me relief i realize how different my life is compared to others who only have the occasional ache or pain. Being on this site is the only place where i feel i have anything in common with anyone. Thank-you to everyone on here.

I know this post is old but I came across doing my research whether other sufferers feel like how I do. My fatigue and pain started in 2013 and since then has gotten worse. Most providers said its due to my weight and didn't run any blood tests. So since 2 years my health is getting worse and Im in pain all day all the time. Finally just recently got little blood work but honestly I have no hope.

I do pray every night when going to bed that I die if I have to continue to waking up to this pain. Whats the point of living when you're constantly in pain and in bed feeling useless and can't do anything.

Do you have Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus? You list those in your Profile but say in your post that you don't have a Diagnosis......are you being treated for those?

Many times. Day in and day out with knowing what you are in for. Grasping onto smaller and smaller moments in a day that you may feel almost good. Feeling your self worth vanish. Existing and that is all that you are doing. If I didn't have family it would definitely be easier to just give up.

Yea, I have these thoughts on and off, but I know that when I do, this means I need to regress and rest.

I have never felt the desire of death despite having chronic pain. I have family and many friends who I love and want to be with often and be in the moment for them and for me. I volunteer often to help others less fortunate. Those things are what keeps me going along with a sense of enjoyment of life itself. To have life is good. I do life at my pace alone and keeping a positive attitude is key. Rest days, and a few sleep days, and many very active days with great busyness and building things. Balance in all things keeps me balanced and hopefully, keeps pain at bay.

The suicide rate I stated was a fact I read on chronic pain. I don't remember the source, either an article here, or another one. I haven't been on lately due to switching my supplement and thought I was just in a bad flare. I have felt like I'd rather be dead the last two weeks. But I went back to my original supplement and feel 100%better. Last night I was crying, the pain and weakness was so bad.

Oldpcer.... wth does it matter if she has been diagnosed or not??? Maybe they don't update their profile. I haven't updated mine in 7 years, figure it's no one's business if I don't. Pain is pain and everyone is different. They may be posting for information or for a loved one.

Not trying to start anything, but it seems like you like to play "Dr". A lot of your posts you seem to "advise" people to do this or that, instead of suggestions and google and paste whatever the subject is. We can google what we need to ourselves. Suggestions are better than advice when just looking at tbeir profile.

No mean intentions, hugs.

Let me expand further. Whether or not someone has been diagnosed or not, it does not state anywhere that you have to be officially diagnosed to post a question on this or other boards in the rules.

The question asked, was regarging a study jspen has done. The question was general, not saying "they" have felt this way. Jspen has every right to ask any question without their personal information, whether in their profile or not, being stated or questioned by someone else in a post. The question had nothing to do with whether or not they have RA and or Lupus. Please stick to the question and not hijack their post.

Suggestions and personal experience are helpful. Telling someone you need to do this or that as you had in another post and others is harmful in my opinion. It could be harmful to someone who is desperate for help when you are not a medical Dr., but copy and paste information and make it seem as you have a medical background.

I can look at your profile and old posts and blurt out your information if I wanted to. I also have been on here since 2006 and know other things about you, but I am going to stick to the rules of always being kind. I stick to my experience only and in my humble opinion, it bothers me when you clearly google and paste information letting others to believe you have the experience instead of actually pasting info from google.

Sorry jspen, I did not mean to hijack or start another discussion, but oldpcer wasn't answering the question as posted and I am tired of posts going off in another direction that has nothing to do with the question or discussion to get attention . My deepest apologies jspen.

hah, good catch 51percent. I didn't catch the post date, darn fog lol. Still, a good discussion. Guess someone else didn't either....can't believe profiles I guess :)

Reply 20 was from last night, it's a new posting and I was responding to that post. I'm not sure why she didn't just start a new thread, rather than tack on to this old one, but there ya go.

OCP

I think of all the pain in my life over the years the thing which might have driven me to suicide was my ex-husband's cruelty and betrayal ie emotional pain rather than physical.

But for me now suicide would be cruel to my son also I would not give Mt ex the satisfaction of having finally driven me into the ground....

If you need help call someone. There's very little help for people in the USA but it's the one question every agency seems to ask- are you suicidal...so presumably someone would help if a person was.

I found it vaguely amusing when I first got sick I called a friend and said I was struggling. She lives five minutes away but decided to call 911 to come and check on me as she was so terribly worried....

My friend considers herself very devout and that's what made me see the funny side WWJD?!

Weirdly enough none of my Suicide attempts ever really had to do with the CP aspect of my life, it was all the other crappy stuff that having Bipolar Disorder dig up and help me focus on non-stop that did those. I swear having a mental illness when you have a ton of Medical conditions is a major pain in the ass!
My most painful wish I was dead from the pain moment was when I woke up after the "Tibial Tubercle Ostiotomy w/Cadaver Transplant" on my knee....I woke up screaming, I thought they'd never get that pain under control, they basically kept me sedated for 2 days and hoped the pain has subsided enough for meds to work. In that lovely operation they separate your knee and along with it the bottom half of your leg from your body, they then align it and reattach it with cadaver bone so that it will stay in place and your knee cap will track correctly, they sew it all back together and when you wake up OMG there is indescribable pain. Out of 30+ surgeries that one was definitely the worse. But I can't think of any of my surgeries that triggered my BiPolar Depression to a point of wanting to commit Suicide.