Chronic Pain Support Group
Physicians and professionalsdefine pain as chronic if it lasts longer than three to six months and is persistent. It's distinct from acute pain that is a direct result of injury or trauma. This support group is dedicated to those suffering from chronic pain. Discuss treatments that have worked for you, find advice for your specific experience, and find support. You're not...
On my 10th year of marriage on my second marriage, I have decided that it is time to get a divorce. This was the worst Christmas ever. I have been begging for the entire time that I needed to be first in my wife's life. She had two children when we got married but they were very young. 3 and 6. We didn't date long which was the biggest problem. We did share the same religious views however. Our first couple of years were rough in a somewhat normal split family way. Things seemed to be getting a bit better, but I have bipolar disorder and it showed it;s ugly face. My wife had started trying to tell me what to do like one of the children from the beginning but when the BP started showing, she started blaming me for everything, In her mind, it gave her license to do whatever she wanted. She got into a text message affair that I do not believe went sexual. My chronic pain started and with the emotional issues it put me in a terribly miserable place. Long story short, my BP got worse and my chronic pain hit the roof. Surgeries, procedures, and everything under the sun could not relieve my pain. She blamed me for our life being so complicated. So she ended up having an affair with the pastor of our church. It was a large church which I played bass guitar and had all of my friends. At least I thought they were friends but I found myself alone. I was devastated and this led to hospitalization. They got my meds straightened out and the BP issues got better but the chronic pain got worst. She blamed me for making her life difficult on her. She always blamed me for everything. I started working to get better, and started my podcast to help others without her support but I felt people needed someone to listen to them. The podcast has helped hundreds including myself. My wife was stricken suddenly with MS and then she began to understand what I had gone through for years. Even with that I was never first in her life. She never did support me even though I was helping other people in every way I could. She is a very selfish person but she never quit trying to treat me like a child. We went out of town for a family Christmas. A situation happened with my step sun who is now 16 and she dealt with it without so much as consulting me. In this situation a list of the family was discussed. I was not so much as mention in the family list. I went to bed before I got angry over it but she chased me to the bed and was completely unwilling to realize that I was never first in her eyes and in this case I was not even given a part in the family dealing. I got in my car and headed home with the decision of divorce very close to the surface. Rather than coming after me to try to save her marriage, she stayed and wallowed in self pity blaming me to her family. Her family has no idea of the 2 txt affairs and the major one that devastated our family not long ago. After years of putting it off, it is painfully obvious that I am not first in her life and that is not a marriage to me. So I have decided at Christmas, that I am going to get my life back and get a divorce. I am motivated to keep helping others and with no support from home, I am finding great support everywhere else. So I am finally going to get my life back and enjoy life and not worry about trust issues and help people more than ever before, I hope that you will join me as I work to help all of us who are suffering with chronic pain. Once season ends but another will start. I have Bipolar disorder, Asperger's and nerve damage in my right brain. Even with all of these illnesses, I have one of the best reputations in my job which is a top manager at a large world wide company, and have started this amazing podcast/website designed to help all people who are hurting. I love helping people and it helps me as well. I encourage all of you to check it out because we have grown to helping all sorts of people around the world. Pray for me in this new chapter and difficult time and join me as we all help each other find a new world of working on less pain and finding new ways to survive. I am really good at this podcast and I am asking you to join me as we Train, Survive, Encourage each other, We trained and succeeded with a half marathon this year. I have ran hundreds of miles, eat a paleo diet, and have learn many ways to survive, RamblingChronicPK.com 2012 is going to be a new start to my life of happiness. I hope so because today is a day of sadness.
Nobody needs to be in a marriage that their wife had a affair and not working on making it better,
I hope the new Year brings you much happiness
Jonathan
Good luck and gentle hugs.
I'm so sorry to hear of the troubles you're having. It must be really tough, especially at this time of year. But your decision is right if it means you feel that you are starting a new life and it uplifts you.
I wish you all the best in this new beginning and hope that you allow yourself to grieve this relationship. Time will heal your wound.
Hugs,
Ama
i just got out of ten year relationship so i know thats its not easy thing to due . hugs minnie
But, Johnathan, we have to do what we have to do. We have our own breaking points and can only take so much. As I told him, I'm exhausted and I can't keep holding everything up while he tears it down. Irreconcilable differences it is called I guess. So sad.
Keep up your good work.
Anglea
Thank you and I wish you the best of luck. Seasons change but we all deserve happiness or we will continue to keep our chronic pain.
Jonathan
healing hugs
Ispencer infidelity is one thing I cannot endure...I truly get it. But as far as blended families...keesha you have it right. OF COURSE one will keep their kids closer to their hearts...they bore them, raised them...it's maternal/paternal instinct. I think it's unreasonable for a new spouse to expect to come before children even though it's in the vows to put no one above the spouse....if you have prior children they have been first in your life for some time...and the new spouse must encourage that relationship instead of trying to butt into the middle of it and be first.
OK NOW you can all gang up on me LOL I know my opinion isn't popular. But it's mine. Until they (children) can be self sufficient...the parents should put them first. However....the affair would send me walking without looking back.
OK I'm done. You can all gang up on me now! :)
I totally understand your stance on the blended family part of the equation. I have a daughter from my first marriage who i would give my life for. I guess I kind of split the fence on that issue. Truthfully, I really never expect to come before the kids in most things. However, when it come to how you run your household I believe that the adults should work together to decided all of the decisions. One adult is not more important than the other, but when there is a question of how to handle a decision because it is you blood child, I think that you develop a plan going into the marriage and you share the decisions. If this had come up once or twice it would not have been a huge deal. This happened countless times though even to the point that my soon to be Ex-inlaws even told her 4 weeks ago that if she wanted to save her marriage, she was going to have to spend more time with me and put me first in the time investments that she was making in life. I never asked for anything extreme, just to be part of the family and to have an opinion. I am not another one of the kids, I am the step father figure in the family and I was a good one. I never abused, treated bad, or took advantage of any of the kids. I was faithful and fair even to her. She just didn't want me first in her life. She wasn't control and had a lot of pride. I wasn't asking for much. I simply wanted to be acknowledged and be treat with respect. I gave and gave but it was never enough. There are always two sides and then the truth but I can sleep at night knowing I gave 100 percent. I know this sounds a bit like I am defending myself but I really have nothing to defend. I love the kids and I am glad she loves the kids. I am just not one of them so I need to be treated differently. I treated her well and forgave some terrible infidelities on her part. I treat everyone well including her but she is the only one who it is not enough of. I am sad both for me and what she will have to go through, but I have tried for 10 years and cannot make it work. I begged for her to let me adopt my step daughter but she would not because she would loose out on the back child support from her biological dad in which I do no think he will ever pay. Money became and still is more important than me. All I asked for was for her to pay attention to me but she couldn't do it. I was an indoor person to relax but she was an outdoor relax person. So every holiday every year we spent outdoors. This It was always her way in everything. When I got sick she made me feel guilty for being sick. When she got sick, she apologized because she never realized how bad I had it. I gaved until there was nothing to gave. She never gave me credit for any of it. I have worked on my podcast tirelessly to understand and work on finding help with her MS but not one word of credit for me. I really would have understood her putting the kids first a great deal of the time but I will never understand why I got punished for getting sock because it made life harder on her. Divorce is terrible but getting yelled at because she had to take off a couple of hours early to pick me up from surgery, that is a bit much. The first text affair she had, she tried to blame some of it on me because she was lonely because I had gotten sick and I couldn't give her enough attention.
At this point many people may think I am exaggerating, but I hope God strikes me dead if one work of this is untrue.
Thanks to everyone for your support. This website game me the idea to start my podcast and has helped me a ton.
I will keep you in my prayers.