I had an RSD flare last night, one that is getting worse instead of better. I have NO idea why, but then who can really explain RSD? I did take my 2 year old to Chuck E Cheese yesterday for the 1st time with a friend, but usually stuff like that just makes it a bit higher on the pain scale for a few hours, not a full blown flare.

It's been awhile, and I can't recall if I've had one in front of my son since he's gotten bigger. He noticed my ugly blue/black foot and the sweat, and seemed a bit scared. I tried to explain that Mommy's bad foot changed color, but he didn't really understand. I mean, he's 2. What did I expect?

DH is home today and thank God is taking over, b/c I'm just embarrassed that my son see me in so much pain. I did try, but I can't get up to help him put a DVD in or lift his "zoo" down from the shelf. He is totally getting it, too! I can tell by the look on his face that he's confused. He's a late talker, but he can talk. He finally pointed at me foot and said "Lala, Ouch!" (He calls me Lala, we don't know why, LOL!)

I get tired easily during a flare- NO idea why- extra pain shouldn't make me tired, should it? Anyway, we spent time together but when he tried to come hug me, like a total 2 year old BOY, he ran at me and threw himself onto my lap. My foot was grazed, just grazed, and it hurt, BAD. So Jaden's hugging and kissing my cheek, and I'm trying not to cry. He's too young to get it. I had tears in my eyes but hid them well. I had my DH come take him and J just didn't understand. He cried for me and I'm crying in pain and my DH is just shaking his head. But at least J didn't see me cry.

Thank God it's only 1 child and I don't have to worry about other people in the house. But how do you stay positive in front of people when you have a flare up? Now I'm up in bed and J is wondering why. I feel like a crap mother. Forgive me but that is the word I have to use.

Adding to the pressure is that I have no idea how long the flare will last. I also am having severe muscle spasms in my back and scapulas. Does the whole body have to go at once?

After watching my mom die of cancer, I feel like I shouldn't even complain. After reading about people who have RSD and other CP diseases and NO meds, I feel like I should just shut up. But when it involves my kid, it's hard. I want him to grow up knowing I have a bad foot and know the truth, but also know that I work and I raised him, etc. But now I fear his big memory will be of seeing my ugly blue foot and being scared.

Sorry- just had to vent a bit. I'm confused, in pain, and wondering if I will be able to sleep. I HATE that this happens! I had planned a quiet day but not sitting on my butt all day! Then again, maybe it will help end the flare up?

I just don't know. I'm tired of hiding it from family but I feel like the more they know, they more they'll judge. I did finally tell my friend about the RSD and she was wonderful. But I didn't go into detail about meds, etc.
She is the one who sprained her knee but didn't get so much as an aspirin from the doc she saw today. I told her that's what happens now.

Family is different though. And even the ones I told (Brother, Father) never remember what I have. Why are there so many problems with CP? And why is it so hard to explain? I'm so tired of it all. Maybe I should hire a plane to fly a message in the sky so none of them forget it? Or maybe I should just leave it all be. After 15 years only a few people even know. All I really care about is my son now. How do I protect him from this?
Thanks for letting me vent. Or rant. Whichever this was. :)