I think you may be constrained here due to your children, who need a secure upbringing to avoid future emotional problems. It is do able, but there would be financial consequences. It is difficult enough just taking care of oneself while on a limited income and to add to the equation helpless children would spell disaster.
Would occupational therapy help you here? It wouldn't be easy but I would do anything to hold on to any security for those little tykes. There must be a way, perhaps with a different job, something like a sales rep for an established company, or something which could afford you the latitude needed to deal with your pain problem.

I didn't ealize that your 'little tykes' are 'big tykes' now.

I'm not sure of the size company you work for , but there must be a supervisor or HR person you could speak to about accommodating you b/c of the American's with Disabilities Act either with some equipment such as a special chair (there are catalogs full of this stuff that you can find) or by varying your job requirements. if you love your job you will miss it! and if you don't have massive savings, it will be a major lifestyle change. how old are your kids? are you honest with them about how much you're in pain. kids need honesty and love as much as external security. please keep your options open and keep us posted. hugs!

Superduck,

Can you file for Social Security Disability? You can still work while an attorney works on your case. Now this will not be nearly as much as you make working, but it can keep money coming in so you can pay the bills. Is there any possibility that you could work from home? I know that a lot of companies are allowing stay at home moms to do this, so they do not have to put their children in daycare. Maybe your company would allow you to work from home, this way when your pain get too bad you are able to move around in the comfort of your own home. I know how hard it is to leave a job you love, because I had to do just that. It will take a while before you are able to come to terms with the fact that you are no longer working. I wasn't able to preform my job any longer, so I didn't have a choice, I had to go out on extended disability while fighting for SSD. For a long time I had it in the back of my head that maybe, just maybe I would be able to return to work, it took a very long time for me to come to terms with the fact that I would never work again. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I decided to go back to college online. I know I may never be able to use my education, but it keeps my mind working and gives me something to do every day. Hope things work out for you, I know how very hard this decision is for you to make. Best advice is to do what is best for you, in regards to your pain. You are the only one who truly knows how bad you hurt, so you have to take care of you first and foremost.

...Thanks everyone and I also apologize for not including my kids information

My children are 15 & 16 years old.

My employer has been very wonderful...and would accomodate me in any number of ways. I also work for the state...so ADA and all that stuff is very big.

My attendance and my preformance are slipping due to pain and due to physical limitations...I think part of what is driving me at this time is that I LOVE my job so much and I have a very good reputation that I don't want to ruin any of it as one of those people..."she calls in sick all the time, you can't count on her"

Anyway...thanks for the information thus far...I am really, really lookiing into all possibilities at this time.

My two cents....
You can only file bankruptcy every two years, make a list of what you have in bills, and what you will still have after bankruptcy, utility bills are not included in a bankruptcy. You will have food, heat, electric, gas, car insurance, car maintenance, house hold items-non food, etc. it wont be cheap. I assume your kids are still in school, could they get part time jobs to help out IF you left state employment? Being a state employee, what about your long term disability??

well I had to quit my job because it was a very physicaly intensive job and I was going in for surgery which turned into 2. I have disablity through my daughter and my mom gives me money to pay my bills, I am in school and will finish next month and will go back to work. I would never suggest anyone quit there job without a plan. You said you like driving why not appy for other jobs that all you do is drive, working for a shuttle company driving people back and forth to an airpot. If your unhappy with your job start applying today for other jobs, also apply for disablity. You said your single are you single because of a breakup or a divorce if so then your X needs to be paying child support. Disablity is something you could try for but it's very hard to get and it's a really long process where you will almost certinly get denied once or twice. Also have to consider the kids if you just up and quit your job with no plans of going to school, another way to pay your bills, or another job lined up then your X could try and take your kids from you. I filed for a bankrupty and it sucked, it was a long horribly thing, that I didn't want to do, The laws have changed a lot over the years and it makes it really hard to do. Also all a bankrputy will get rid of is anything that you carry a balance on, credit cards, loans, medical bills, so on and so forth. Also if you file bankrupty on something you are caryying a balnce on like your electricy bill or water then that company will drop you and you will be left with no job, no power, no food and two hungry kids. I am not telling you not too just telling you all your options. I quit my job because I had income from disablity, my mom who is blessed financlaly said she could help me, and I signed up to got to school as soon as my last surgery and as soon as I finish I will be applying full time. I would either sign up for school, apply for a job you can handle or get some type of plan together to pay your bills before you just quit your job.

The second option is quit your job and move back in with your parents until you either get disablity, a new job, or some type of plan.

Duck,
I think I understand your position. I was also a state employee, a teacher. I had the same attitude that you do about not wanting your work to slip. The last
Seven years it became increasingly harder and harder for me to keep up with my job. I had a friend at work who would help me with all my computer work because I cannot even type (I am using voice recognition to type this). After missing 1/2 year I filed for state disability. This would have meant I could have retired but with a disability check every month. This was very difficult to go to through as none of the doctors nor the board I had to appear before seemed to believe me and so of course I was denied.

I hurt so bad everyday that when the children were out of the room for any reason I would lie down on the floor. I would go home and lie down until time to go to bed. The last two years of my life are a complete blur.

I am sorry this is so long and I am getting off the subject.

I think the main Point I'm trying to make is that it is perfectly OK to call in sick and let people know you are no longer able to do the same job you have been able to do. The reason I say this is because that is the only way you will get documentation in case you need to file medical disability. If your employer says that everything is fine and you can do your job than a little will be done to help you. But with a state job you have options and I hate to see you just walk out without using any of your options. You sound just like me and that you do not want to be a slacker and many times I said the same thing I want to leave on a good note. I have a good reputation and I want to keep it that way. But the end the only person that really matters is you. You did not say how close to retirement you are or how many years you have invested. This would make a difference to me. If you are very close you might want to try to hang in there or file medical disability with the state or disability.
I do remember this. At one point when I could not typed or write at all because of the pain in my neck, shoulders and arms my Dr. wrote a restriction for me NOT to do those things. I thought I would be able to work and to somehow get by without doing those things or have someone help me do them. I just feel like someone should step in and help me get through this rough period. But instead I was told by my principal that the district office said that anyone with a restriction was not allowed to work. So I just stayed home for about three months until I felt like I could begin typing and writing again and then I got the Dr. To lift the restriction. I went back to work and managed to finish out the next 2 1/2 years. So even if you got a restriction it would give you some time to take off a few months and give yourself a break. I hope this makes sense and can be helpful to you in some way. Let me know if you need any more information. I pray for you as you go through this decision-making time. love, pauli

Before panicking and packing it in, let's think this through a bit. While getting a ride on that Harley tricycle may not be realistic right now (read your profile; it sounds cool), but keeping a job you love is.

You mention that you can get to work okay (good) and that your job is very sedentary (not so good for someone with stenosis as you need to be able to get up and stretch and move around periodically). The pain kicks in around the 1/2 hour point and is a 5-6 on the pain scale (Ouch! Do you have any medication you can take that will help alleviate the pain without causing sedation? Are you on sustained release medication? Ironically I find that oral Dilaudid keeps me wide awake and I'm able to partipate in conversations, etc., but oral oxycodone immediate release tends to make me sleepy; I have some very contrarian reactions to medications), but it works for me.)

You say you need to move at the 2-3 hour point. Well that's waiting too long for any of us to be sitting still, hunched over a desk or a computer. We should all be moving at least every hour. Our mind, body, eyes all need a break, to stretch and ideally to get up and move about a bit. You need to get up and move around, stretch, do your exercises, etc. We all need to take a break from a computer or desk; with stenosis it's even more important.

So right there we've figured out soem solutions for some of the issues that you are finding to be complete blocks to maintaining your career and your lifestyle.

Are you on a sustained release medication? That will help with continuous pain control and the need for breakthrough medication will be less (and hopefully you won't have any pain kick in at the 1/2 hour point). But you'll still need to set an alarm to remind yourself to get up and move every hour. There should be no questions about doing so; it's basic health and if need be, your supervisor or HR can work out a resolution (work an extra 15 minutes to make up for the 15 minutes you take to stretch and move around or take a shorter lunch break, etc.).

I suspect you do care about your bills, as well as where you will live, how you and your children will get health care, transportation, etc. You're already setting a wonderful example for your children, showing them how you can live a full life no matter what life hands you. Keep doing it. Some modifications with your medications and getting up and moving around every hour at work will make a world of difference.

Please don't give up. :)

***Thank you all****

I definately am working very hard to keep my life together. My father was a paraplegic and showed me the meaning of toughing things out.

@LiveByFaith
I am single because of Divorce. He pays 125.00 every month total. He has not seen our children in 11 years and does not work so I am lucky to get that. It comes every single month and is never, ever late. The amount sucks...but the fact that it is consistent is very appreicatiated.

@Pauli
YES!! We are very similar creatures. I am not close to retirement, no where near it. I actually don't like driving, but it is part of the job I do. It's the sitting that is making me miserable...
I think I will definately explore my LTD...the earliest I could take it would be January. It would be 60% of my gross wages.
That is definately a apossibility.

@IHavePKD
HEHHEHE...you are going to love this...I am not allowed to take pain medications while on the job...I would loose my job, it is well known rule. The only thing I take during the day is a muscle relaxer and ONLY if I am not driving that day.
Sitting sucks for sure. I need to get up and I do get up every 20-35 minutes, I have to. By hour 2 or 3 of the work day...thats when the pain is 5-6. Having a sedentary job is what makes it hard because its the most accomodating job that I could think of and it requires the least amount of physical...and I am not doing very well.

Anyway...thank you to everyone again. I was just wondering about personal stories..things you did not expect or things you wish you would have known etc.

I am definately not making a decision right now. I am talking to my MD's and counseling services through my employee assistance program to help me make a decision and build my coping/stress skills. I have reached out to my long time friend who would be a housing resource for me to relocate if needed and she would be helpful with employment as well. I have been to school and have a degree. I would never, ever put my children in danger...they are the most important in this decision...and yes, my son would help by getting a job-my daughter is disabled and I am waiting on her social security decision right now.

Thanks again all. Your experience, thoughts, prayers and advice are and were very much appreicated.!

hi, I want to say i know how you feel, i dont have 2 jobs... i have done 2 jobs before i had kids and then my back started acting up in younger yrs... anyway i not working i barley make it... i was medical leave and drawn welfare to help out..... and my son that bipolar&autism draws a check that help us get thru...

now he 18 got to thru adult and we might lose it i scared to death....anyway i work for the school as a cook, i hads to take medical leave again b/c after i broke my ribs the 2 time and have to have surgery, gallbladder and a hernia from liting too much on the kitchen.....

so i not close to retrirerment too, but thru our we have a retirement diseability that if you have at least 5 yrs in the system, you can apply, well i didnt want to after my liver problem i want to try...

well now thig are worst on my back, and the dr wrote me off for the yhr and they extemnd my medical leave this will be the last time...

so itrying to apply thru the state for mine, i seen the orth ped dr and i know i going to get denied.... i guess well see and then they sending me to a psych dr to see him since i am so depressed from my pain. so i scared, i think i might have better with that dr then pain . i know that they work for the stste so they going to fight you ,

thenn i was looking for attroney and it hard to find one that takes the school retirement or state, they say they dont get paid like the ssi or ssdi program. that the agree with them but the state differnt and you have to pay out of your pocket for there attroneys here in ohio....

so i screwed. i cant afford they attroeny exspecaily on welfare.. they want anyone were from 1,500 to 3,000 to get started. and if you get approveed then yr basic, the only thikng i like a bout it is the first 5 yrs they hol;d you job like you on medical leave and after that then you on disabity. i guess so if i was able to go back then my school has to give me my job back.

the sad part if you get denied then i have ssi b/c ssdi you have to pain inot socail security and the school dont pat inot it and that why we have retirement disabity. that sucks, i worked since i been 16 yrs old thought oi get my time in doing jobs, then i get in a job that has retirement then i get screwed b/c they dont pay inot the system.

ssi said i have to take out my retirement before i can apply thru them.... and if i take the retirement out then i cant apply for the stste b/c they dont allowed you to take out retirement.... b/c later they use your retirement money to pay you after you turn 60s, that sucks too. shit excuse me, i work hard for my money and i cant use my retirement moeny while apply how are you suppose to live.

but can you apply for foodstamps and get asst since you kids under 18????? i hope you the best.... i know how it is, i work for the school in the system 8.5 yrs and subbing for the school 11-12 yrs. i wish my subbing would go toward my retirement. b/c i be only 6 yrs from retirement... that sucks..... i hope you the best,,,,,,,, huggs and prayer...

kim , i not sure what type of disabiuty you can work for while apply... they told me i not allowed or able to work while i apply... so maybe there differnt one.... ssi and state one you cant.... glad you can do that...

May I suggest that you set up your office ergonomically before you leave your position? You may be able to get the company to buy all or most of the furniture and supplies you need to make a more comfortable workstation. You can even get a "standing" work station and a desk that moves up and down depending on whether you want to sit or stand at the moment. There are also zero gravity chairs and kneeling chairs to try. You can take 5-10 minute stretch / yoga breaks on the hour.

www.relaxtheback.com

Going PT may also be feasible, especially if you can figure out a "side income."

I don't recommend filing bankruptcy. There is a moral component--- when people buy a bunch of stuff they don't pay for, everyone else pays for it! Is that what you want to teach your kids? Save bankruptcy for a later date (if ever) when (if) you truly have no other choice. You only get one crack at it!

You can also "downsize" your lifestyle, so that you don't have so many bills. Don't let your ego prevent you from trading down to a lesser house. What other bills can you cut out? Cable TV? Club memberships? Magazine subscriptions? Restaurants? Record ALL of your income and expenses in a spreadsheet to get a bigger, fuller, picture of how you can downsize.

I take it you wrote this in a moment of especially harsh and frustrating pain. I understand! However, no one else will want to pay your bills. Be strong for your kids and if you are under-medicated, you need to address that as well! There are good pain management docs out there that can reduce your pain level substantially. For many people, that is 2-4 on the pain scale. YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO TELL YOUR EMPLOYER IF YOU ARE TAKING PAIN MEDS ON THE JOB. Do it on the sly. If they test you and you have pain meds in your system, there is no way to tell WHEN you took them, and with a legal Rx there is nothing they can legally do.

I wish you the best!

I made that choice about a month back. It was good and bad.

I would be a 10 on the pain scale, that's limping, eyes watering, and whimpering with every step, after about 2 hours at work (8 hour shifts). It made me depressed, I did not eat for the entire month I had that job because when the choice was lay down and be hungry or get up to get food, hunger was the better option every time. I did not clean or do laundry or leave the house unless to go to work. My world turned dark, I asked my boyfriend to run over my foot with his truck so I could get off my feet and people might be more understanding, and I was completely serious. Everything I saw was a potential weapon. That's not a life I wanted to live.

I am 19 and have not been able to tell my mother yet because she doesn't seem to understand how severe the pain is for me. I am now in secret debt that I feel like I can't even ask for her help with because I've run out of money for rent and bills. I'm choosing sweaters over heat this winter and my boyfriend is being a big help otherwise. I'm looking for a desk job, I didn't consider my lack of skills before quitting my old job.

Overall I'm still glad I did it because even though I have NO money, my quality of life has significantly improved. Sure I'm gonna be cold this winter, but I won't be in crippling pain 24/7 and that's okay by me.

Superduck,
Unless your job involves public safety (e.g. you're an air traffic controller, bus driver, train conductor, etc.), then there's an exception to every rule when it comes to taking pain medications. Yes, employers do drug testing (I spent 20 years on active duty in the Air Force and lost track of the number of times I made contributions during our "mellow yellow" drug testing program. But when I was in non-public safety positions (not flying satellites, launching rockets, etc.), if I was in pain, I could be prescribed pain medications and take them with no repercutions if I tested positive on a urinalysis (which I know I did at least once; I had taken some medication within 3 hours of getting to work). In those cases when I was in public safety positions, my access to the space systems was temporarily restricted (I could still do all the behind the scenes work, but no actual command and control).

That valid prescription (conveniently written within the military pharmacy system) was my safety net; I got the pain treatment I desperately needed to perform my job and the Air Force got an outstanding officer who was still able to do her job the last year of her career!

Please talk with your HR office and ask; hopefully you'll be pleasantly surprised by the answer!

Good luck! :)