I'd like to apologize to Bill, OCP, and all of the rest of you guys for my behavior last year. I went through a complete mental breakdown. It was one of the worst times in my life. I tried to go back to driving and ended up having a nervous breakdown in the driver seat which lead to a spiraling set of events that caused me to come vey close to ending my life. In the process I pushed everyone away. I have since grown completely malcontent with the medical profession. I have been receiving a bunch of weird diagnosis and some very strange medical conditions have finally been revealed to me through self-testing. I said some really rotten things to Bill. I am sotty bill for all of the unsolicited advice about diabetes. I never meant to be such a big jerk on here. I'm just fristrated with the disease and that I have to inject insulin ever time I want to eat normal food that isn't just a piece of meat and a salad.
I feel so vindicated now, but also saddened that I had to go to so many doctors to be told there is nothing wrong with me and to do 2 unessary CT scans and also one VQ scan of my lungs all because I feel so unwell when standing. I have since been diagnosed with Orthostatic Hypertension. When I stand up, my blood pressure will go from 116/76 to 170/190 over 116/125. Then back to normal as soon as I sit back down. I went to the ER after taking 50 mgs of Lisinopril for three days with a sitting BP of 140/100 shooting up to 180/120 while remaining standing along with some diastolic readings of 140 and 150 on ceveral occasions, fast heart rate, dizziness, and shortness of breath. At the er I went from 130/90 BP sitting to 176/20 after one minute of standing (all done in front of the doc) then my BP went back down to 116/76 for two hours straight while being admitted and resting comfortably in a hospital bed. Then as soon as I stood up again, my BP shot back up to 170/116. Again in front of the ER doc who was completely baffled. He didnt know what to prescrice because I was already on 50 mgs of lisinopril, apparently enough to make a regular person pass out.
I also have noted on my EKG again, but this time it meets multiple diagnostic criteria for Left Ventricular Hypertrophy. I had some protein in urine and discolored urine and some other abnormalities on some other tests, all dismissed by my doctor again as no big deal. But he finally diagnosed me with Liable Hypertension and relectantly referred me to a cardiologist. All other two abnormal EKG's two years ago were borderline diagnostic with this one meeting multiple diagnostic criterial. I too would dismiss the borderline ones, but with the EKG's progressing and the weird BP, something is going on here. After a bunch of trial and error, it seems that the only medication that stops the BP spiked is Clondine. I take between 2 and 4 miligrams a day. I still get some surges, but only up to 130/90. I can deal with that. One day I worked four 5 hours with a BP og 190/125. I had to. That lasted three straight days (only when standing) before I went to the ER nd finaly got a script for Clonidine. Now I take 20 mgs of Lisinopril per day and 2-4 mgs of clonidine. But I notice when my BP is whacking out because I unrinate every 20 minutes non stop when I anstanding.
I have been working part time for almost four months now. I was scared to death to take the job, but I did and somehow I have only managed to miss 1 day of work in 4 months. I am slower than the other peopel who work with me, but my boss is understanding bcause they have a hard time keeping workers. It's a job where we have to clean a huge building and they don't give us enough time to do it. I clean slower, but my work is good and I am always on time. We don't have a supervisor watchign us. We show up and clock in by phone and are left largey unattended. My first co-worker started coming in late and leaving early and finally got canned after so many complaints from the facilities manager. It is a union job, so I get paid holidays and 1 week paid vacation along with paid sick days despite it being a part time job. Some days I have to take extra meds and I struggle to finish my work. Every once in a while I have a good day and work like a mad man. I'm not sure how long I will be able to keep this job, but I leared my hard limitations. I have 4 aometimes five hours and then my leg swells so big and I can't walk anymore without huge amounts of pain meds. I also can't handle an 8 hour shift. I have had to cover for bad workers on the other side of the buiding becauce this company hardly has anyone else to cover shifts when someone misses a day. I do the 8 hour day and then I have to call off sick the next day and am affected for the rest of the week after that. There is no amount of meds that will make my function for an entire 8 hour day. None.
Any how, I have managed to save up some money, my cat is now in love with me and so friendly, I just have to carry her to the litter box once a day and force her to do or she will crap wherever she wants. It's a small burden for me to keep her out of a cage or from being euthanized in her last years of life. She just turned 17. Moms put me on the insurance so I can drive myself to the doctors and I pay 20 dollars every 2 weeks in fuel. I used the car to get the night time job. I love working nights. Every day I don't want to goto work. I just want to lay on the couch and die. But for some reason I force myself to get up in pain, take my shower and go to work. I take 1 pain med in the morning, then wait until I get to work to take another dose and a half. That way I am not driving under the influence. My pain doc is fully aware of how I do this and he is fine with it since I only drive 4-5 hours after my last dose of Norco. So, I got 3-4 sometimes 5 hours a day that I can perform then th eadrenailne wears off and I start to walk like a cripple for the rest of the day. I still can't climb the stairs properly and people always ask me what's wrong when they see me gimping up and down the stairs daily. Some days my pain is so great that I have to remove my medical compression sock. Other days I can't stand up for more than an hour without it. Circulation problems is a weird issue to deal with because the pain levels change from day to day. It's like playing the pain level lottery.
So long story short, I have been clean of self-harm for five years until eight months ago and since then I also have been clean. But recently with my depression hitting me so fast I feel like resisting the urge to self-harm again is just not enough for me to feel better, I have a serious drive to try to feel better. I have been in constant battle with depression for my whole life and it is an...
Well after months of fighting with CVS with their constant bull about they don't have my pain meds in stock and will need a week to refill them "that was from the daytime pharmacist" then the meds being filled by the night time pharmicist who had no problem filling them. They had the meds there the entire time, then filled them that same day and didn't bother to tell me. So my meds sat there...