Chronuc pain to the degree you have must be exhausting and of course your depressed ... Keep working with the pdoc on the depression the negative thoughts hopefully will get better.... medical marijuana is sometimes used here for cancer pain in our hospital maybe look into that if you haven't already .... I wish you the best it's not easy ....(( hugs )) polar

I understand how you feel. Besides the cause of your pain I could have written your feelings as my own. I "live" with Thoracic outlet / complex Regional Pain disorder. I think I have asked God why I suffer at least 5 times a day. My pain level is a 6 on a good day. Most days (even with pain medication) an 8. It's hard to explain to my husband. I feel like he has ended up with a very different person than the one he married.

I'm really sorry you're suffering so much...chronic pain and the loss of my old life was really hard for me to accept at first so I've had the same thoughts and feelings that you describe. I still go through stages of hating my life even now. I've seen a couple of different cp therapists/psychologists and they've really helped me get through the times I've felt completely overwhelmed so I was wondering if you have access to a pain management clinic because they can often be a great source of help. Take care.

Thanks, still looking for my purpose! Ted

For me its Job....when I lay on the couch unable to move because one leg is completely dead from nerve damage and the other is swollen and on fire and hurts to bad to move...and then I have to go pee...I yell at God. I feel like I've been given the life of Job.

Yeah life is not fun, nor fair, nor easy...damn it's not easy. Let's see, prior to 17 all I had to deal with was a "child molesting felon who did 5 yrs in Prison" for a father....but of course as soon as he got our my insane crappy excuse for a mother brought him right back home. Feel free to use your imagination as to the emotional, physical, sexual and psychological abuse that went on in my house. So there was that part of life....

From 17 yrs on I began getting 1 major disease or illness after another. I've been a Chronic Pain Patient for 30 some odd years, I've had 30 surgeries in the last 18 years, I'm also BiPolar. Life is just a blast...

The only 2 things/places my world is not insanely crappy, are 1. I'm still able to work part time. 2. I have really good Dr.'s who take very good care of me and my crappy body.

What's wrong with me? Degenerative Cartilage Disease, Advanced Osteo-Arthritis (all joints), Seizure Disorder, Cluster Migraines >13 days, Peripheral Nerve Damage, Liver Disease, Kidney Tumor, Chrondomylasia, Chronic Kidney Stones, CTS - both hands, Tendonitis left & right Rotator cuffs, MRSA, Linear Atelectasis Right Lung, and a Lung Tumor. Oh yeah and the 20 years of BiPolar.

It's not easy dealing with severe illnesses, time can make it easier, depending on your actions, or it can just make it seem like you've been dealing with it forever. Chronic illnesses that cause chronic pain have to be seen as part of your life. You have to integrate them completely, so that there are no surprises, you know what to expect, when to expect it. Changing meds is never easy, but once you get the new one on board and it's working, it makes the struggle worth it.

I'm sorry your having to go through this unwanted journey, I don't know why God chooses to load some of us up with so much and others seem to skate through life without a scratch. Maybe we're the ones who have the strength to handle it...I dunno. I hope that your new meds work and you can get some more piece and control back in your life. Take care.

Thank you! I know a lot of people have it worse, I thought I would get better and I feel like my life was robbed away from me. Ted

Its not about who has it worse, we don't compare the strength of each others pain....hell pain is pain, everybody is different and it effects everyone different. I know it doesn't seem like it at the time, but at some point it does get easier...maybe not better, but easier.

I hear you. Dealing with chronic pain & illness is so damn tough. I think you have to work hard to keep some kind of positive attitude. So long as we choose to continue living we have to try to make the best of it in some way.

I have chronic pain and am on kidney dialysis. I also have depression. I honestly find the depression the hardest to deal with. It is a constant battle to not give in. I could make the choice to stop dialysis and let nature take its course. But I want to be here for my children although they are adults they still need me.

Find your reason for living and hang on tight to it. Continue to look for better pain relief. It makes a huge difference. It's not a cure but it sure helps us to cope. And remember you are not alone in this. Hugs Kelley

Hello, friend!
I am so sorry to hear about your suffering. When you are in pain day in and day out, death seems like an attractive alternative to such misery. I ve thought of that so many times in the past, but I found that things really can change for the better even when it seems hopeless.
The good part is that there are new pain techniques and meds being put into production all the time. However , you have such unique problem that it would take someone really experienced, creative and caring to come up with something that works. Have you gone to the big city for second opinion re : pain?

Also, idk if you tried it, but i just went on Cymbalta for the 10 th time and was finally able to tolerate it.
It made a huge difference with pain and anxiety.

Wishing you all the best and hang in there.
Xoxoxo

I, also, could copy your feelings into a post as my own. I'm going on 8 years, in Feb, too. In the beginning, I could "save up" strength or time off from the insanity-producing pain when I'm curled in bed in a ball, barely able to breathe, and go for a walk or something. Now, if I have to do anything at all, like go to the post office (We don't have mail delivery in this horrible desert town I had to move to when I lost my house.), waiting for a day when I'm strong enough to do it can take a month. I don't know people here, because I was homebound when I moved here. Try asking semi-friend-neighbors for a ride! Necessities have been slipping for years, and I'm about at the end of my ability to keep up with things.

I think the one encouraging remark I can make is that, like you, I had fine, in fact, excellent, mental health before these many years of mind-bending pain and mistreatment from professionals and friends, alike, eroded it.

Now, I have to remind myself not to identify with my feelings about my situation, because they aren't "me". I am not depressed, in an organic sense; I am living in a depressing situation. It is natural to have negative feelings about it. It's important and ok to make that distinction. Some people, even highly trained people who should know better, are not naturally careful thinkers and make unsound judgements. When these a-priori judgements are targeted at us, it is ok to place the blame for miscommunication on them, where it belongs, and give ourselves credit for being sane and clear about our own experience.

I am fine, in a rudimentary sense. People who deny the seriousness of my condition, deny me benefits, tell me to "just try harder", etc. are missing the point. I am the one who understands the emptiness of the life I've been left with, and the dissipating hope I have trouble grasping when I need it. As social animals, humans want to offer hope those suffering. But, at some point, I had to recognize that truisms aren't going to make my life any easier. There isn't anything wrong with me for finding encouraging words pointless, when what I need ("need" in the literal sense) is a measurable improvement in one or more of the major areas of my life.

I think that's what I have to offer you - the assurance that there isn't anything wrong with a person in a desperate situation honestly accepting that desperation is an essential aspect of their experience.