things not good, he read your comments, says that you guys dont know the issus, I said yes they do ,you want me to work more, he said you think youd want to help more! I said I do help, then he said he's not going to change( being unsympathic, affectionate etc) if I dont like it I can leave, my pain is through the roof, thanks all for trying to help.

Oh boohoo! His manhood has been threatened, boohoohoo. Tell him to grow a pair and learn what it means to be a grown man. 2 fucken Harley's and HE'S bitching. How quaint. Sorry, but this jagoff needs to grow up, fast! Otherwise you'll be packing his damn bags to go with his new toy. Good luck to him in those frigid MN winters. Let him run home to his mommy, because you're his wife and partner, not a wet nurse. Best wishes and sorry for the bashing, but your husband needs to learn how to be an adult, not a spoiled child. Again sorry, but that bullshit pisses me off. Peace.

Aww I'm sorry he doesn't see that we ARE correct in what we're saying, although we are saying it based on our own experiences and morals. He's right in a way tho, we DON"T understand all the 'issues' and perhaps neither do you AND him! Sounds like it's time for a cool down period, let things get 'nice' again and then tell him something to the effect of "you, DO want to help with this financial difficulty" and how does he suggest you do that? If he tells you it's by working full time - remind him that doing so would mean you will need help in the house - he would need to assume a TON of it because full time work WILL cause you so much more pain. As it is now, you probably work, then come home and rest awhile, etc. You working full time means HE"LL have to do the cleaning, etc and you could still cook and take care of other things or whatever. Stated in a matter of fact way - then ask if he's willing to take on that responsibility. Or that perhaps he has thought this out thoroughly and already has a plan in place. Tell him that it's a major life change for both of you and he doesn't need to respond immediately, but to perhaps talk again the next day. Hope you see where I'm going here. Just my thoughts, but thinking that he needs to see that this is not just "you have to work more so that you won't be made to feel guilty about everything that you do for your pleasure or health." There ARE more issues involved.
Best wishes and some hugzz

BTW: Him stating that "if you don't like it, you can leave" is a common sign of a controller! Don't let him just control you! If by chance he's normally not like this and 'issues' in the past have been worked out thru talking, compromise, both of you devising a plan ...and respect - I apologize for my quick assumptions.
In this case we're not just talking about your relationship - we're talking about your health!! If you overdo it now - who knows how long it's going to take before you get 'really, really bad' and cannot work AT ALL. No offense, but you're not getting any younger and as we grow older our health issues multiply. You need to take as good of yourself as you can now versus pushing yourself like you did when you were younger. Nuff said.

Immature men are so hard to live with. Relationships and marriage takes work and commitment on both parties to be successful.

I left a marriage of 21 years because as I became more disabled my husband became more of a baby. He couldn't do any of the jobs I did on a daily basis, more like wouldn't really.

I fell into a deep dangerous depression but I realized that I had to save myself cause nobody else was there for me.

Worked out fairly well, I'm remarried, although he's a man, and they are all cut out of the same cloth in some respects. He cares, that's comforting to me and he believes me.

I pray you find peace and get the recognition you deserve.

tell him to let you take a base ball bat with nails or even without nails in it and beat him with--then ask him how well and long does he think would be able to work
--tell him every time he moved to do something to let you take a wack

just pushing a vaccum can have me down for hours--but then my husband just left me in may for someone that can work and do housework and take care of him so -his time just gets my goat-told me I wasn't as disabled as I thouht i was--the thing is he has had to pick me up off the floor becasue my legs stopped working -or a back spasm would drag me to the floor after I vaccum ---we just had found out that besides all my other pain problems I need a knee completely replaced-

good luck

That is very hard. When you are in pain the least you want is compassion. If you can't get that you don't need someone pushing you harder. That only increases the guilt about your situation and the pain. Letter was a good idea. Hope he has a change of heart. Holding thumbs that he has a change of heart and realises you can only do what you can do.
O

we're talking at least now, when he said i may never change and maybe we should end it, i said "ok", I think it kinda freaked him out, then he said, but thats not what I want. I said are you willing to try and understand what im going through, he said yes, and I asked my boss if i could pick up one hr more per day, thats all I can do!