I am sorry that really sucks he's acting that way. My wife doesn't work and I don't push her to get a job. Have you tried appling for disablity that way you can at least bring in some income and then your husband will get off your ass.

that would be my suggestion too, appy for disability. i can't work but i already couldn't work when i met my sig other and i told him that when i frist got together with him and i told him if he has a problem with that there's the door.

i do odd jobs to bring in a ltitle cash here and there. i babysitt my friends and my sisters kids. i clean other peoples houses and work temp jobs sometimes when i feel well. maybe you could do something like that.

i know its not steady or consistant but every little bit helps. at least its some grocerys.

I work 25 hrs a wk, I make 18$ an hr, and I clean an office, that pays my truck, plus I cover our health ins.
Oh, he just wrote me a note and said that he'd feel guilty if he laid in the sun or did crafts! asshole. I rest after work cause I hurt, then I do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry.
I dont know that I would get much on dis, more than I make now?

This was my reply to fozz under his post "Getting to be too much" on CP dated 7/27/10 and I'm reusing my reply for you to use if you wish....

"Face the demons head on, that's my way. Get a moment of clarity between you and your sweetheart. TALK to each other about the current insanity you are going through. Make a pact that no matter how much pain, you two are there for each other. Call timeouts when needed without fouls. Make a sanctuary in your home so you can relax, alone if you have to for brief moments, but always rejoin your love.

Too many dysfunctional couples. Too much pain. These are the trying times for marriages and reflection of your vows should be observed for survival. Those of us CP sufferers less fortunate are just as human, just as deserving, but tend to walk a different independent path once the right support rudders are in place. Don't take this path, unless absolutely necessary.

One day at a time Fozzy, one day at a time. Best wishes. :) "

I'm so sorry your husband is treating you like this! Gaaaah. So unfair!
I'm thinking that this doesn't truly have to be about your pain tho, especially since he's being so mean and uncaring. This could be a time for the 2 of you to figure out ways to tighten your belts - probably even more than you already have. With this crappy economy households everywhere are having money issues, even in ones where both people are perfectly healthy and both working full time. Direct the danged convo back at him about coming up with 'viable' solutions to the problems!! He knows you can't work more, probably couldn't if you wanted to since jobs are so hard to obtain now. Put your heads together and see if there is a solution, BUT you also need to set some boundaries with him. Let him know that it is NOT acceptable for him to blame your pain and belittle you with guilt! That is disrespectable no matter how good or bad the money is.
hugzzz ~Sandy~

I just came across this portion of a coping with chronic pain blog, written by doctors that has a specific section for patients' spouses, and family. Perhaps letting someone read it would help them to understand that this is NOT just you, for one, and that it's even written about for two, AND describes to them some ideas, etc. Best wishes.
http://www.howtocopewithpain.org/blog/24/dont-wait-in-my-waiting-room-come-in-to-my-office-too/

You are bringing in about $1800 per month + taking care of the house + providing the insurance.

Do NOT engage his childish behavior. The next time he complains that you don't work "enough." Say "Thank you for you opinion." That's it. If he tries to take it farther paraphrase what he is saying and add, "is that correct?" For example.

Him: "You don't work enough. You sit around eating bonbons and doing arts and crafts when you should be contributing to this family! I can't do it alone."

You: "Thank you for your opinion."

Him: "Why don't you apply for a full-time position? I work full-time."

You: "So you believe that I should work full-time, is that correct?"

Him: "I just said that."

You: "Thank you for your opinion."

Him: "I need a new Bentley and a vacation home, but you don't make enough money."

You: "You need a second car, a Bentley no less, and you feel like you need a vacation home. Is that right?"

Him: "Yes!"

You: "Well, thanks for sharing your opinion."

(He harumphs and walks away. You smile and carry on with the arts and crafts.)

If you argue, he will argue. If you ignore him, he will correctly point out that you are being childishly passive-aggresive. If you defend yourself, he will think your actions need defending. If you go into all you do that he isn't considering, you will become frustrated that he is deaf in addition to being blind! Knock the wind out of his sails by paraphrasing and thanking him for his opinion. Kind of hard to argue with that!

You have my condolensces and sympathy with regard to his behavior.

I absolutely LOVE Chronic's advise! What the heck is he complaining about? You cook, clean, keep the house, work, keep insurance for both of you and do ALL of this in chronic pain, and he wants you to do more????!!! He needs a freaking reality check, and a slap across the head!

Sometimes I count my lucky stars and thank God that I am single! If I want to clean I do it, if not I stay in bed, if I want to cook, I do it, if not I stay in bed, etc...... No one to tell me what to do! A freaking dream come true! Sorry about your hubby Hun, follow Chronic's advice, I think that he needs a bit of his own medicine.......

Chronic said pretty much what i was wanting to after reading your post of how much you actually bring-in AND all the work you do around home! I know you love him but he is being selfish, self-absorbed, and he should count his lucky stars that you are able to contribute as much as you do!! What may help is to take that same $18. an hr. figure and itemize all you do around the house alone and place a dollar value on it as well as VERBALLY communicating, not fighting, that in this dire economy, if HE unfortunately were to be on unemployment, he would probably be doing good to even be bringing in what you do already each month. You have to ask yourself AND him--if he were to be unemployed, would he then still count on you to do all the cooking, cleaning, etc.? I too am glad I am single for many reasons but you also need to ask him "What if HE were the one with some chronic health condition, would he appreciate NOT being appreciated for going above and beyond as you have in spite of your daily constant pain?" It may also be a great time to write down all your expenses and identify the "toys" he has that he may have--down to downgrading cable/internet speed, etc., and see if he indeed is willing to make sacrifices for the two of you walking down this path of lfe---For Better OR WORSE, were the vows you took! I hope you can have critical thinking converstaion with him. How would he deal with the crappy waiting time to be approved for disablity? Lastly, are either of you Veteran's? If so, you can go to your County's Veteran's Commission together and get many forms of assistance to include money management counseling.
Peace and PainFree!

Have you heard of "The Spoon Theory"? It's a wonderful way to explain to others what it's like living with chronic pain, written by a woman with Lupus. In fact, her entire site is wonderful. Have hubby read this, and perhaps it will bring a tiny glimmer of understanding.

The Spoon Theory: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/

thanks, its good to hear from an outside perspective, we are not speaking, at all. Im SO angry about the " I would feel guilty if I were you" comment. I asked him if he feels gulity for buying a harley that we didnt need?( old one was beautiful, and paid for), and if he feels gulity about playing hockey or golf?No comment( I wrote it in a note)
I got a good laugh about the " thanks you for your opinion" thanks.

...being a mother alone is a 24/7 job plus you work enough to contribute even bringing in less than that a week. I wrote up my daily schedule and my pain levels for each day, for my husband and how long it took me to do each task b/c of my pain levels. He finally understood that sometimes I couldn't push the vacuum that day... or I wasn't strong enough to lift the wet clothes out of the washer. I also wrote down all the things my daughter helped me with because I couldn't reach or lift it at the time. He actually started walking in the house and saying things like, "your hip hurting you today huh?" if the floor was not clean. He can now identify what problems I am having by what didn't get done that day and has become more willing to help due to the new understanding. I also love ChronicIL's advice. I was also taught a communication skill in a nursing class once: Example sentence: When you (insert his action here) I feel (insert your feeling her) because (insert the reason you feel that way here) and I want (insert your desire here). I hope he sees things differently soon. It also helped my situation to acknowledge my husbands frustration even though I did not agree with him. His feelings are his own as well.

If youare making18000 a month it is more than most get on disability. I say good for you you are doing your part.Do not let him brow beat you perhaps he needs to ajust his needs or spending. Best wishes for better tomorrows.

I totally understand what you are going through. I was married for 27 years. I worked for years, but it ran my body down. One day at my doctor appointment, the do. told me if I didn't stop working I would end up in a wheelchair. I loved my work, my body didn't.
When you add up all the things we do in marriage, raising a family, house it's very hard on our body. I would come home from work, 45 mins later I would be napping on the sofa.
He really didn't understand the pain I have 24/7. He blocked his feels about my health.
Things happen for a reason, add them up later you'll understand why.
I ended up going on disability. It's very stressful on everyone going through the process. When I look back now, I realize now the doctor was right. Stop working was the best thing ever happen to me. Taking care of myself with help form friends & family works.
I took my ex-husband with me to some of my doctors appointments & tests. Let him heard from them works. Talking about it together is the key, Let him be apart of what you are going through, so he see it from your point.
Money is stressful on everyone these days. But if you apply for disability you can't work.
Talk, and let him really see your side of chronic pain.
Some of people don't let others know or see what we really feel. Becuase it just a normal day with pain. One day it's a 7 on the pain scale other days it will be 12.
What I do is I tell the truth now. I'm having a bad day, I really need to rest. Do it your self. He has to be a part of your world!
I did everything you do now.Some men don't like to see the one they love hurt. So they block it out as if nothing wrong. Let him have it for a day! Go into detail of each thing you do, say "hey that hurts me and where."
Get him involved in your world of pain. Maybe he will wake up. Tell him to read that letter out loud to you. And then talk.
Sorry you're going though this him.

He's lucky to have you. You know what your worth and how hard you try. If he can't see it, he's a fool.

I don't know what kind of lifestyle he expects, but he's one of the few who has insurance and two vehicles.

If you ever get to the point where you can not work. What will he do? Will he help? Will he complain when you ask for help or to keep your insurance paid?

Not that you should say those things to him.

He truly needs a reality check though.

Sometimes you just don't get what you want no matter how much you complain.