Honor, I hope you guys can work this out.

My hubby and I have always shared everything. Joint bank acct, bills, everything. We tell each other "There is no yours and there is no mine; there is only ours."

Otherwise it might get to the point of splitting everything up; one for you, and one for me; one for you and two for me; one for you and three for me...

I have a close friend whose hubby makes a lot more than she does, and still they split all the bills 50/50. She complained to me about it and I told her that he needs to give her half of his pay, she needs to give him half of her pay, then they could split the bills 50/50.

Seems to me they're living as room mates. But then I'm from the old school.

Good luck honor.

Don't let finances be a deal breaker. Communicate when things calm down.

Maybe it is time to change how you have the finances set up. I am sure many differnt people on this forum can offer what works in their home then discuss some options with your hubby.

When I was early married we lived off my husband's salary and put all of mine in saving so we had a back up incase of an emergency. We agreed not to spend more than $100 without discussing it with each other. Thank goodness we did since 3 of our children were born with autoimmune disorders. Very expensive.

Communicate and compromise. Most men want toys, most women want glamore products, hopefully you two can set limits. Good luck. Always a stressful conversation. -RJ

sounds like something else is going on to fuel this. at a calmer time, can you sit down together and look at things with paper and see how you can work it out fairly.
i, too, am a proponent of ours - you're married.

Finances are such a huge problem in marriages. During a fight my husband and I switched to sharing the bills...it didn't work. I only worked part time so that I could be home with the kids but somehow that didn't count. I also gave up a very well paying career track years ago because he didn't want me working that much.

As keeska says that is like being roommates. I think it is wise to share finances and share decision making. But also have a little bit of mad money that you can each spend by yourselves.

A marriage is way more than money. So while this is where the fights always seem to crop up there probably is much more going on. As you say he is stressed about this job. Maybe there is something you could do to help him be more comfortable. Sounds like a good long talk is coming your way. You both seem to have resentments and concerns.

If you have paid bills from different accounts for 20 years... why do you think things have changed now? Has it always worked before with no problems?

hi honor, my situation was reversed when i worked at my last job, i actually doubled what he made, but we never split things..during life things can change from who makes more money this chapter in life, to someone else the next chapter, so we always just put the money together, paid what needed to be paid, and then communicated on big items.. and had to agree to the big items.. now, we make the same amount, so it stays the same.. unfortunately right now you cant work ft, but heaven forbid if something changed, and he was only able to work pt, or not at all..does he want the game to change when things change in life...
i agree that a nice long talk is in order, and explain that things change, and you want to stop counting tit for tat...
good luck, and hope you can work this out..
~stinke~, ps im really not one to ask about hubbys right now (my post is still getting bumped, about my problems) LOL

Hi Honor,
My husband and I separated, partly because of my health issues and partly over money (he said I was spending too much, but it was my disability money I spent, not his. Oh well, water under the bridge).
Hopefully he'll calm down and think a little more rationally. Maybe you both need to sit down and figure out your expenses and what each of you can bring to the table. I'm sure he realizes you only work pt because of your pain and health. He sounds very stressed out. I'd leave it alone for a bit and then approach him.
Money seems to be a big issue in many marriages (including mine). Thankfully my husband realized he needed me and our marriage more than being out there alone. Some guys just need a bit of time to realize what's important.
Hang in there!
Sandy

we used to have acts together, then he bounced checks and I got my own acct(dumb), so we do need to come up with a better plan, I dont pay 50%, I just pay some of the smaller bills, since I dont make as much. Im just upset cause of the mean things he said.

Hugs not in realtion ship. But see my parents finalce issues. Due to my health I am as pricy with 4 drs month all meds 400 bucks then and food cell ect they get me. I don't ask for the phone they want me have it.

They complain and complain about money mom more. But she smokes 2pack cigrets days. So 330 bucks month she could save.
She spouse quite anyways.

As spouse have back fused. Sometime comeing up in next month or so. Not spouse smoke in house due my health. Spouse to does 2 things though

I understand why u say that. About his harley. Actaul neighbor 2 kids wife. He sold their HOUSE... So he could keep his HARLEY!!!!!
2 kids underage 5 you chose that.

Toys are frustrating or unneeded things.

Shelter food medical bills their the needes be done frist.

Apdchick

I've never understood how people can get married, agree to the whole better or worse deal and then fight over money...

When I married my wife I stopped being a loner, we became us, and when kids came along it was still us there was just more of us.

In 5 more days it'll be 15 years together and we have never fought about money... When we first married I was making big money and she wanted to go to school and now that I can't work she does. The one constant throughout this whole time is all of the money is ours. And it spent as we see fit, it used as we see fit, and if there is a major purchase we talk about it before its purchased.

There are sooo many things to hinder a happy marriage, why do people feel the need to fight about the one thing that married couples have soo much control over???

Kris......

I'm not completely sure if I'm qualified to help on this one because... Well, first of all I AM a husband and not a wife so some may see that as giving me a bias, plus I've never had to deal with a problem like this. But at the same time, I have been very happily married for almost 15yrs and since my wife and I have never had a problem like this, it might be because we've done something right in this area. The main thing to me is the idea of not being in everything single thing in life together. In my opinion, for a marriage to truly work you can't just have everything as "ours" you have to believe deep inside you that when you got married that for all intents and purposes you became one. That's how I've always looked at it, so when my wife got pregnant, "we" were pregnant and when I started having physical problems, it was something that "we" had to start dealing with and figure out together. That attitude spills over into everything about us, including our money. My wife makes ALL the money. I personally bring in no income what so ever, but all the money is ours and as the husband I have an equal say in how all the money is spent and nothing is spent without either myself or my wife agreeing to it. (I'm talking about on the things that count. Not like buying a soda or something). In my opinion there is an underlying problem as others have said. The underlying problem is the idea that you guys didn't become one when you got married, and that what happens to one of you is actually happening to both of you. It is my view that as long as a married couple has the mind set of being separate individuals they will always struggle with feelings of inadequacy in their spouse.

As I said, this is just my opinion and I'm just trying to help the best I can with the knowledge and experiances I have. I really hope everything works out with you and your man. :)

awww ddscarb,

I have been reading the posts and while I think that many of the responses are excellent ones, your response is "right on" in my opinon. My husband and I have been married for 16 yrs and, like you and your wife, my husband and I have always been a TEAM......period.

********

honor,

I understand that you were very hurt by some of the things that your husband said. Sometimes people say things that they don't really mean in the "heat of the moment". I hope that you and your husband have had a chance to talk about this. He needs to understand how much he hurt you and I definitely think that you need to have a conversation about everything else (bills, your health, any other issues, etc...). It could be that he feels the strain of paying for nearly everything. Make sure he knows that you appreciate all that he does for you and at the same time, you need to ask him to be more undersanding of what you are going through.

I wish you the best!

Lots of Hugs,

Carrie

honor, it is very hard to do, but you should resist the temptation to throw the harley and atv purchase in his face when the problem of money comes up. He knows it was an unwise purchase and doesn't like being reminded of that faux pas. So much so that even if you don't ever mention it again, he will bring it up himself, saying that you were thinking about it even if you didn't say it.

I have been trying to talk my DH into getting rid of the extra car we don't need or use, we just pay for insurance on it and tags every year. I'm still trying...

I have to say that after 36 years, my DH has mellowed a great deal. Or maybe it's just that I've become less affected by comments that I had always thought were directed at me but now know were coming from frustration. The Mars and Venus book helped me to realize that. I'm SO glad I read it.

Good luck dear.