I understand I constantly feel like a burden. I just said to my therapist I catch myself lying to people when they ask how I am I reply good I even include a smile. My pain has been out of control lately & I’m frustrated because when I struggle to walk or even get up family & husband say why don’t you take your pain meds??!!?! Oh gee that’s genius or I get angry when I see someone struggling & I feel bad & ask if they need help & they reply thanks but I took a pain pill I’ll be zooming around soon- zooming around????
With your husband be patient often they are annoyed they can’t fix us. I used to catch myself saying why don’t you help me, etc
I’ve noticed when I’m direct with my husband he’s more helpful. The number one thing we need to remind ourselves they can’t possibly imagine what we go through. I’ve heard I’d love to lay in bed all day. Keep thanking him when he does help & don’t beat yourself up. I mean this is difficult for us
Stay strong get stronger!!

Thank you for your comment. I always lie about how i am because i dont want to burden people with my pain and problems. But my husband used to be understanding and i know its hard on him too but i feel like he diminishes my feelings and stress. Just a bad pain day today.

Have you looked into filling for SSDI ? You have to have at least 20;work credits for 5 out of the past 10 years before your Established. Onset Date. An Adjudicator or ALJ decides your EOD.

If you do not have enough work credits. You may or may not be eligible for SSI. If you do not qualify for food stamps or other government assistance programs. It is highly doubtful you will be eligible for SSI. SSI is a welfare based program. It is based on disability, low income and low resources..

I'll look into it, thanks!

EmilyBee, it sounds like you are going through a tough time. I am not sure where you are exactly with your pain but are you aware of vocational rehabilitation? Every state has a department that helps people with disabilities find employment. These professionals are trained to assess your situation and customize a plan that would focus on your abilities. There are opportunities available to make some money on the side from home with the right skills. Many vocational rehabilitation departments can help with training.
Best of luck.

If vocational rehabilitation is not an option, ItsJustMe2012 has a good suggestion of looking into SSI/SSDI.

I've heard about the programs but my dr doesn't want me to do them yet because my crps is in my dominant hand and he thinks it would still be too much for me to do. It hurts to even type for more than a few minutes at a time . Hoping to get into the program if all else fails. Thanks for the comment

I'm sorry that you're in this situation. I think to some extent the people close to us get "compassion fatigue". I've noticed that in my case, during the first couple of surgeries people were very attentive and responsive. But as I kept having surgeries, the response became more lukewarm.

It's possible that your spouse has become almost desensitized to your pain. Not in a mean/intentional or uncaring way, but in the way that it's no longer new and evoking the same amount of sympathy. Because of this, they start to focus more on the negative consequences for them- such as financial ones.

The only advice I can offer is to thank him for his help, maybe in a more detailed way that reminds him that this is difficult for you. For example, writing a little thank you note explaining that it is very hard for you to be in this situation, and that his help is really appreciated. BUT, once you thank him, do not feel obligated to keep apologizing for the things you cannot do. You should never feel ashamed of spending money on health needs, or little things to treat yourself during a difficult time. If things become more contentious, maybe a few couples therapy sessions might help? Sending positive thoughts.