Chronic Pain Support Group
Physicians and professionalsdefine pain as chronic if it lasts longer than three to six months and is persistent. It's distinct from acute pain that is a direct result of injury or trauma. This support group is dedicated to those suffering from chronic pain. Discuss treatments that have worked for you, find advice for your specific experience, and find support. You're not...
I got home from Arizona today. The whole time I was there was one huge fight. Every time I tried to have my own opinion or voice, my father would scream at me and call me names.
We got in an extra bad fight two nights before I left and he said such awful things to me that I can't even repeat them. I finally got fed up and started yelling back. I said one thing I am not proud of, but after all that he said to me... He deserved it. Finally. he got so angry he left the house. My grandmother came to the living room to see if I was okay... And I wasn't. I was on the verge of overdosing. I was sobbing, my father really does hate me. He said he couldn't wait until I left and that it sucks that I had no place to stay until then.
But, I owe my grandmother my life, more than once. When I used to live with her and my father in AZ, she would almost always come and comfort me when he'd be a bastard for no reason.
I really felt so hopeless. He didn't even want to drive three hours to take me to the airport, he paid for a shuttle. He also refused to pay for my baggage so my grandmother was forced to help me.
That night, after I cried so hard I thought I was going to pass out, she told me to take a shower and come to talk to her afterwards. I did. If it weren't for her and my few amazing friends, I don't know if I would have made it back from Arizona alive. It truly was that awful.
I feel much better now that I am home, but the pain is still digging into my soul. Some things just can't be unsaid. I am very glad I have therapy tomorrow. I am not going to like rehashing the fight that I will have repressed until tomorrow. I surely can't cope with it on my own.
Yesterday was most likely the last time I will ever see my grandmother, unless she comes to visit me. I cannot- WILL not- take that sort of mental abuse ever again in my life.
I was finally building up courage and self-esteem, but that's all be shattered like a pane of thin glass.
To top it all off, I got brutally made fun of/ bullied by him when ever I had hit my physical limit and he would yell at me and tell me, "JUST KEEP EATING AND EATING!!!" I screamed back, "KEEP DRINKING AND DRUGGING!!!"
He can dish it out but he sure can't take it. I used to have an eating disorder so that I could lose weight to make him proud. Today, the day I am finally home, is the first day since the 6th and I can eat more than a few bites of anything so I didn't get picked on. I am back to hating the act of eating... but I know I have to do it.
We got in an extra bad fight two nights before I left and he said such awful things to me that I can't even repeat them. I finally got fed up and started yelling back. I said one thing I am not proud of, but after all that he said to me... He deserved it. Finally. he got so angry he left the house. My grandmother came to the living room to see if I was okay... And I wasn't. I was on the verge of overdosing. I was sobbing, my father really does hate me. He said he couldn't wait until I left and that it sucks that I had no place to stay until then.
But, I owe my grandmother my life, more than once. When I used to live with her and my father in AZ, she would almost always come and comfort me when he'd be a bastard for no reason.
I really felt so hopeless. He didn't even want to drive three hours to take me to the airport, he paid for a shuttle. He also refused to pay for my baggage so my grandmother was forced to help me.
That night, after I cried so hard I thought I was going to pass out, she told me to take a shower and come to talk to her afterwards. I did. If it weren't for her and my few amazing friends, I don't know if I would have made it back from Arizona alive. It truly was that awful.
I feel much better now that I am home, but the pain is still digging into my soul. Some things just can't be unsaid. I am very glad I have therapy tomorrow. I am not going to like rehashing the fight that I will have repressed until tomorrow. I surely can't cope with it on my own.
Yesterday was most likely the last time I will ever see my grandmother, unless she comes to visit me. I cannot- WILL not- take that sort of mental abuse ever again in my life.
I was finally building up courage and self-esteem, but that's all be shattered like a pane of thin glass.
To top it all off, I got brutally made fun of/ bullied by him when ever I had hit my physical limit and he would yell at me and tell me, "JUST KEEP EATING AND EATING!!!" I screamed back, "KEEP DRINKING AND DRUGGING!!!"
He can dish it out but he sure can't take it. I used to have an eating disorder so that I could lose weight to make him proud. Today, the day I am finally home, is the first day since the 6th and I can eat more than a few bites of anything so I didn't get picked on. I am back to hating the act of eating... but I know I have to do it.
We were watching TV one night and I had to leave the room because he said my laughing was giving him a headache. He truly did not want me to be happy.
when there is a narcissistic, addicted or abusive person on either end of the relationship the ties that bind are also unlike any other relationship formed in life and the impact is always greater in a mysterious way akin to the phrase, "blood is thicker than water." it goes both ways, but often the child in the relationship can be mentally led to believe they are still and will always be the child even if the adult parent's behavior is functionally poor to bad.
so, in order to not write a novel, i'll try to sum it up and shut it down for you now, before you loose your attention span.
no parent or child is perfect. some parents and children are emotionally, psychologically, financially and/or physically abusive.
your father and you may come to better terms someday or NOT. if you need reassurance that you are an adult now because of his degrading behavior, EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT to not be exposed to his abuse. do not call, visit or write. you're grown up now and you only have to associate with the people YOU want to.
you're going to have to work out the situation with your grandmother. even if she's a penpal or you see her on skype, you must continue the positive relationship with her. fight for it. find a way to make that happen. if you loose her through detoxing yourself from your dad, you'll both be left with empty hands. imagine what your relationship with her would be like if she didn't have to comfort you out of abuse. what if she could just be an amazing woman that you know? i know that would be a better situation for you both.
so, act like you're grown and don't allow anyone to abuse you. make it a rule that even covers family. you have the right, choice and ability to do that.
personally, i am sorry that it's THAT bad. it blows my mind. i went through many painful years with my father as well and it bled into poor relationship decisions with men for me.
take out the trash in your life.
with care,
jen
Sometimes, and we don't know why the parent/child relationship just doesn't work. It's supposed to, it was designed to, but somewhere along the way it gets broken...it's not your fault, I'm sure you've done everything in your possibility to make things right with your father and I'm sure that the pain that you've endured has been far more than you've ever thought you'd ever had to endure or ever plan on enduring again. Perhaps it's time to put an end to this relationship. One can only do so much to fix something that's broken, and when it's a human connection it really does take both parties to fix it.
You have so many other things to focus on fixing, making better, things that you want to make healthier in your life, so that you life can be better for you and to you. Make those your priority now.
Don't despair that you won't see your grandmother again, there is always the possibility that she will come and visit you. That would be such a nice thing, you and she together without the cruelty and hatred that exists on the other end. Keep that thought in place and try to make it a reality.
I now I've been away from these boards for a long time, but i'm here now, so if you ever need to talk, i'm here. Be strong for yourself, be nice and caring of yourself, and most of all love yourself, for you are worth loving.
I don't know what else to say, except I agree with those who posted before me. Their advice was sound. But I have to say that the best advice was to not lose your grandmother in this whole mess. She sounds like a strong and wonderful woman, and you're lucky to have her in your life. You MUST keep in contact, even if it means dealing with your son of a bitch father.
My dad died in 1991, and I stood at his bedside and finally told him what a total failure he was as a father. It felt good to get it out, but I wish he was not unconscious when I said it, because I would like to have heard what he would say. Now I will never know.
But over the years, I've begun to remember the good times I had with my dad. I realized he was not abusing me out of hate. He was bipolar and had a lot of other issues going on. There were horrible times, but there were joyous times as well. Now, at 52, I try to hold on to those good memories instead of the bad. It makes my life so much easier.
I'll say a prayer for you. Good luck with your therapy appt. tomorrow. I think it's the best thing for you...
Sandy
he's clearly SICK. thank God for your grandmother and her real love.
endless hugs for what he never gave you...
hope you can re-group and recover from all that trauma.
"No dad" is much better than a "bad dad".
Good luck sweetie.
It is ok....just like keeska said "u don't face to be saddled to a parent forever"
My disease is hard enough on some things I don't need his humiliation in the mix.
My goal in life is to be the best friend, the best listener, a great supporter, a great employee, the best sister, the best mom to my furry kids, etc...everything my father is not.
I wish u peace.
Xoxo MLC
My old therapist at that office totally understood when I couldn't come in due to pain and wasn't unreasonable when the bus was late. Today was in NO WAY my fault. They called me and told me it was all 12!!! Not 11!!!! So I'm really upset and I don't know what to do or how to find a new psych and therapist. My therapist said she'd speak with her supervisor and get back to me.... I'm just pissed!!!
I did not need this bullshit after the two weeks I just went through. I really needed a therapy appt. I guess I really can't count on the people who say they care!!!
you pay for therapy for many reasons unique to you. there is a great freedom in the service they provide and much value in it for multiple reasons, but do not count them as people in your life that just don't care. that's like hoping a prostitute falls in love with you all "pretty woman" style.
most states offer free mental health resources to patients who financially qualify. find another one and try to get there consistently.
the point is you go and talk to someone as a resource to yourself. you may find different ways of looking at things, validation, better ways to communicate or even a better sense of self from the practice. they aren't your friends though. you're paying for an important service. they are merely the providers of that service.
start again, it might feel good to start again after what you've just undergone. a clean slate with a headshrinker always feels like clean sheets after a nice shower to me.
don't sweat it. just try again.
there's so many bad therapists our there, you're only increasing your chance of getting a good one by seeing more of them.
:)
makes you look like a tiger to me...definitely not an ant!