Chronic Pain Support Group
Physicians and professionalsdefine pain as chronic if it lasts longer than three to six months and is persistent. It's distinct from acute pain that is a direct result of injury or trauma. This support group is dedicated to those suffering from chronic pain. Discuss treatments that have worked for you, find advice for your specific experience, and find support. You're not...
Hello!
I am new to this Community and I am a chronic pain sufferer 24/7 that resulted from a 2nd back surgery 6 yrs ago. I am perm. disabled and am on Social Security at 45 yrs of age.
My mother and I used to be very close. I use to refer to her as one of my "best friends".
Approx. 2 yrs ago, my mother told me that I "wasn't allowed" to talk to her anymore about my back or my pain. I was absolutely devastated! I am married with 2 young children and "vented" many times to my husband regarding my pain and my frustration with it all. However, I only called my mother prob. once per week to vent, it's not like I called her every day! But yes, there were times, when I wanted to talk to my mother, a very natural thing no matter what age you are.
My psychologist told me my mother had "checked out" and that it was not abnormal for family members to do this to a chronic pain sufferer. He told me that family & friends do not understand just how bad it is for the person who is suffering.
My mother and I now do not have a relationship at all. It has been very hard at times, but I am getting alot better with not having her in my life.
Has anyone else here experienced a similar situation, with family or friends just not understanding what you are going through, so they just withdraw from your life?
Thank you. ~Carrie
I am new to this Community and I am a chronic pain sufferer 24/7 that resulted from a 2nd back surgery 6 yrs ago. I am perm. disabled and am on Social Security at 45 yrs of age.
My mother and I used to be very close. I use to refer to her as one of my "best friends".
Approx. 2 yrs ago, my mother told me that I "wasn't allowed" to talk to her anymore about my back or my pain. I was absolutely devastated! I am married with 2 young children and "vented" many times to my husband regarding my pain and my frustration with it all. However, I only called my mother prob. once per week to vent, it's not like I called her every day! But yes, there were times, when I wanted to talk to my mother, a very natural thing no matter what age you are.
My psychologist told me my mother had "checked out" and that it was not abnormal for family members to do this to a chronic pain sufferer. He told me that family & friends do not understand just how bad it is for the person who is suffering.
My mother and I now do not have a relationship at all. It has been very hard at times, but I am getting alot better with not having her in my life.
Has anyone else here experienced a similar situation, with family or friends just not understanding what you are going through, so they just withdraw from your life?
Thank you. ~Carrie
I am sorry that your Mother was not and is not your best friend...... My mother is my best friend! I rather go on a cruise or to a party with my mother than with any of my friends! She is one of the most giving and fun woman that I've ever known!!
And now my daughter feels the same way about me! She is 28 and almost finishing her International Law Degree in the Netherlands, and she rather talk to me about her problems and life than to anyone else. And when we get together we have the best time!!
Maybe that is why I became such a caring individual, I had my mother backing me up and been my best friend all of my life!!
I might not be able to give you great advice, but if you need someone to talk to, I am here. :)
I am booted from her world. Our brother just about died in an accident yet she still won't speak to me. She is 40 yrs old with 3 kids, yet she acts like a spoiled child. You can't make a person have compassion for others.
I figure I have less stress without her and she is the one missing out.
In so many cases, when something like this happens, one sees the true color of blood family and friends.
Robert Heinlein wrote, "A man must always be able to shoot his own dog." [ In other words, be ready to put the dog out of it's misery in a benevolent way if it must be.]
Well, for us, we must be ready to cut ties with any and all close to us before we became CPs if it becomes absolutely necessary to maintain our integrity and sanity. I'm not saying, don't give it a chance, or get an attitude and drive people away. But if they make a choice to act in a hurtful way repeatedly then they started it, you simply comply with what they have not stated, which is "I don't like you as you are".
People like this wish to "disown" a part of you. You're ok to be around as long as that "flaw" doesn't exist. And that's like telling a youth he must remove his earring before going to Aunt Grundy's house.Screw Aunt Grundy; you aren't a youth, and your wound is not removeable. You carry it wherever you go.
-Chuck